Lisa, as a BS myself, I want you to always keep in mind that you are NOT the problem. There are thousands of men out there that would give their right testicle to have a woman like you in their lives. If your WH continues with his stupidity, then his loss will be their gain.

Lisa,

I must agree with coffeeman. Right on!!!

You are worthy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So what is the fallout from the foreclosure notice. Sounds like WS has completely dropped the ball. Like you need any more stress right now.

And just why won't WS leave? I don't get it. I would keep that appt with the lawyer and get that resume out to some potential employers if I were you.

Worried about you Lisa. Praying for you.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Cooffeeman, that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time.

Well WH is acting totally different these past couple of days. He told me Wed. morning he honestly felt as though I didnt care about him anymore. I told him the only way I can deal with him right now to to detach myself. He also told me since I have been doing this he has become very scared. I told him Wed. nite that I have to stop feeling the way I feel for myself and my children. I also said I am going to take steps in next couple of weeks to start to feel better. I said to WH that he will probably interpet these steps as if I dont care anymore. I told him that was not the case. I explained my feeling for him and our marriage have not changed, but I must protect myself and my children. Then I basically said after that "the ball was in his court." All he could say to me was "why are saying these things to me."

Last night he once again told me what a wonderful job I have done with all the kids the past two weeks. He said he appreciated it very much, knowing the circumstances. Then he went on to tell me how terrific I have looked lately. I have lost 45lbs since D-day. WH told me he catches himself staring at me and then he said he feels as though he no longer has any right to admire my body. Also last nite he told me he is very confused emotionally. I didnt even ask how or why. He really has been different..the arrogance of the past couple of weeks are gone. I am not letting this change anything I have planned right now. I really cant believe anything he says to me. I think he may be just buttering me up so I will change my plans. The only way I will change my plans is if he agrees to N/C.

The OW sends e-mails and pics of herself and them to my WH. I have asked him many times for him to ask her not to. I really dont know who the F@#k she thinks she is. So yesterday I wrote her e-mail as follows: OW "Out of respect for myself and my children, I am asking you to no longer send e-mails or pics to our home. AOL is aware of the situation and if you continue to do so, I will have no choice but to file a formal report. Thank you in advance for your consideration. L" I took the high road here, when there was so much more I could have said. Oh yeah I CC it to my WH.

I am doing okay, as long as I keep it very simple with WH. I am going to the MC by myself today and boy I cant wait. Thanks for all the support talk to you all very soon.

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Lisa,

You are getting back in control of yourself. H may act more like a wild man. For he is.

Right now take care of you and your family. Read Mimi's session with Steve H and see if you can implement any of the info from there.

You are doing good.

Hugz,
L.

Okay I have a question..Last night WH asked me what I said to counselor yesterday. When I told him I told the counselor I wanted him to leave, he said oh it would have been nice if you told me this. Well I said I did Wed. morning. I told him either NC with OW or leave. Why does he act like he doesnt hear a word I say and then acts all surprised and hurt when I do say something. I dont even know why I tell him how I feel anymore.

The kids leave Tues. nite and are suppose to come back again in about two weeks. I really do want him to leave, but I also want to see the kids again in two weeks.

After we take the kids home should I tell him that I am retaining a lawyer on Wed. to file for legal seperation? The aother day when we were talking about seperating, he said I have no idea how that would be. Well I have an idea of how I want to be. Should I tell WH I am going to set up terms of seperation since he has no idea?

Also, does anyone know what kind of grounds I need for a restraining order against OW. I have pics on my computer that I have asked her not to send into my home. I also have all her phone calls into my home traced by the phone company, so I can prove she has called my home. Is this enough to file harrassment charges against her and get restraining order? I dont want a f$%king exotic dancer anywhere near my kids. Please help.

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Lisa,

Why does he ask and act surprised? Because he is in the fog. There is no logic to it and he probably can't explain it either. My suggestion is don't go there. Consider him a bit 'touched in the head' for now and work from that angle.

Tell him he has been informed in the same manner he has informed you. Let him wonder what that manner is.

As for harrassment. Ask your local authorities, police. You sound like you have enough evidence. How about sending her correspondence to her e-mail service provider's abuse line? Hotmail and Yahoo along with many others have strict policies about content that is considered offensive, threatening, abusive, etc. I would send it to then and include the originating IP address which means you have to copy and paste it so they can do their research. In my case, since e-mails came to our IP address (not just my e-mail address) I was able to get them shut down. I also included pictures and content. I said I was offended. More than 1 addy was shut down.

Make sure you and your children are safe. I have to go out but others can help.

take care,
L.

Lisa,

You got some good advice from Orchid.

I don't have much to add, just keep hanging tough. No LB's. Keep it simple. It's your call on separation, plan B. It is hard with the kids coming again in 2 weeks after they leave Tuesday.

How is your 13 yo??? What did the counselor say??

Still praying for you. You are doing good. You are worthy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Lisa, checking in , I think what Orchid said, is some great advice .

I can understand wanting to keep OW out of the picture involving your kids ..

If you do not mind me asking how offten does he see OW?

Are you keeping the apt. with lawyer? I know feelings change from day to day , so thats why I am asking ..

Keep in mind WS's waffle around in FOG as well , You backing off will cause him to act scared , then if you Lb he will talk again about leaving .
It is all confusing ,, You need to be the one to stick to something sold and care it out ..

You need to make up your mind of how you want to approach this and make it happen ,,

If he stays then you need to deal with this ongoing A in your face . How will you do that ??

Are you going to PLAN B ??

Have you made this decision yet ?? What did counsolar say about you wanting Ws out of the house ?? What was his suggestion ??

We are here for you , please help to give us some responses to our questions ..

Support is here for you remeber that ,, I know the weekends are a killer very slow , feels like knowone is listening .. I use to feel that way cause all my hardest times took place on the weekends ..

How are the kids ?? Have any asked where is daddy when he didn't come home ? What are you telling them ??

Hey Everyone,

Thanks so much for the support. I told WH that he needs to leave as soon as possible because I cant feel this way anymore and I am afraid I am going to hate him very soon. As far as the Attorney Appt...right now money is holding me up. He is quite expensive but highly regarded in the state of NJ. He is acting hurt toward me.

I told him I was filing harrassment charges against her with the local police. He never once asked her not to send anything into this home. And again last night he changed my mail controls I had blocking her e-mail. I guess to only thing left is to delete his screen name. I am so depressed and at a lost. It is becoming so difficult to function.

Kids are okay..I am trying to make it as comfortable as possible for them. I really do feel as though this will be the last time I see them for awhile and that is tearing me apart.

As far as my pregnancy goes..it may not be a viable fetus..I will know more by the end of the week. I really do feel as though my marriage is over. Talk to you soon

Lisa...I feel so badly for you!! I hope you have a good support system...a friend, your mom, someone who is there for you to lean on!

He's feeling hurt...you must have a terrible time controlling yourself from LBing when he has the nerve to act hurt. What does he want from you?

Seems that when you are acting loving..he pushes back and asks why you stay with him. When you distance yourself, he stops talking about separating and acts hurt. Wonder what that means?? What does your IC make of his behaviour?

Are you still sleeping in the same bed with him? If so maybe you should ask him to sleep elsewhere...kind of a mini Plan B.

Is there anyone close to you that can help you with the finances to see a lawyer. What about local legal aid?

Have you given him a deadline to move out?

What did he say when you said you were going to file charges against OW?

I know it's hard but keep trying to take care of yourself! I am sorry to hear about the baby....hang in there....your luck has to turn soon!!!

Forever,

You are exactly right..everytime I Plan A to the hilt, WH says he cant understand me. Not that I have agreed to seperate he is walking around sulking like a 2 yr old. When I ask him why he acting this way toward me he says "it still hurts." I guess he really does want his cake and eat it too.

As far as sleepin in the same bed some nites yes some nites no. As far as money right now, I just got a foreclosure notice on my home so right now all finances are going toward that. I cant believe how this has spiraled and has affected every aspect of our lives. This whole situation is terrifying.

As far as OW and charges, he kinda blew me off and went into he arrogant mode. Should I expect anything else. I have come to expect nothing from him.

I just told him he has to go as soon as possible..but no later than Sept 1st. I cant do this much longer. I really just want my husband back.

LISA,as this grows harder everyday , you must form some PLAN ,, YOU need to wake up and know what you are going to do .

YOU are not getting any response out of him , are you ? He is not showing through the FOG? (the man you M ?)

Well JMVHO , there are some things you can choose to do .

IGNORE him step way back and talk about only the things that are required ,, children & Money .

If You have to tell him this is a M of convenance ,until he leaves , tell him thats the way you see it ..

He comes and goes and is seeing OW as if there is an arrangement so it should be treatd as such .

GET dressed and go out with your friends one night when he comes home .. or just go visit your mom & dad .. Leave him with kids .. NO cooking dinner nothing .. He walks in you walk out ..

OR Every time he is out with OW call him ,, I mean he isn't telling you where he is so you need to know he is living with you .. CAll and ask , just wondering if your coming home I had things to do want to know if you will be around for kids ? or
I want to know to lock up and go to bed cause I am not sure if you got your keys .. Very much matter a fact voice .

OR You can tell him to leave now , that your mental state of mind is at risk and you have a family to care for so if he could be so very kind as to just move on with his GF now that would help ya a great deal .

I know going to PLAN B , is suppose to leave the WS with that last wonderful feeling of you ,, but ya know what it can't happen if the BS is being so disrespected that all the ws does is fight or run away to OP ..

I am so sorry to here of any problem with the baby .

I know you are feed up to say the least , I know your emotions are all over the palce , make one decision one day then change that the next ..I do know how you are feeling .. And the only thing stuck in your head is all I want is a chance to work on my M ..

You need to stick to a PLAN before you can have that chance .. LISA I took so long into sticking to a PLAN it prolonged everything including my own MISSARY !!!!

If you PLAN A then you need to do it ,,,NO LB .

AND have a dead line .

IF you move to PLAN B then do it , NOW or get the letter ready and give it a dead line ..

Plan A for only 2 weeks more then PLAN B , something ..

Read 180 DB thats a wonderful tool also ..

I can't find the link , but someone on here has it ..

YOU need to pick yourself up , dust off and start getting stronger ,, this is not only about WS making choices its about you making then 2 !!!

YOU choosing what you want? how you want it ?? what neeeds to be changed? Your children ??
ALL the answers sometimes are right there inside you ..

TAKE the steps to make them ,, well got to go .

I am thinking of ya ,, also I hope you are taking the time to read some PLAN B stories on here .

let us know about the baby . and you !

Hi Lisa. I agree with 3's advice. Show him some independence. Let him stay with kids while you go out for a change. Make him share all responsibilities to get a taste of what single parenting will be all about. Might want to also let him know that if you separate you will be expecting him to share equally in the responsibility of the children.

Hang in there!!

bump^ for Lisa!! Please help! I don't have much advice right now, just {{{{{hugs!}}}}}

Praying for you girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Well we dropped the kids off last night. I was very upset, I feel as though I am not going to see them for awhile. WH again told me what a wonderful job I had done the past two weeks. I made sure I told the kids how much I loved them and how much I loved having them her the past two weeks and that I would miss them very much. They are suppose to come back in two weeks..but I dont know if I can last that long. WH is talking to them as thoug they will be back, even though I have expressed that I want him to leave as soon as possible. I really do fell as though I am between a rock and hard place. I only really talk to WH when I have to. I dont call him while he working, I dont ask what his plans are, what time will he be home. I also dont tell him about any of our plans either. He has been trying to talk to me but I am cuorteous but short. WH seems to still be sulking and keeps telling me how drained he is. Maybe his double life is catching up to him.

Tonight we have a MC session together. I guess I will again just tell him how I feel and what I want. All I know is that he has to get out of my life for awhile. Talk to you later.

Well WH and I went to MC last night. WH told MC "as of today (WED) my wife wanted me out of the house." Well at least he heard that. The MC asked him why and he stated his reasons: because my wife thinks I have not tried to work on this M., I have a ongoing relationship with OW. I then added I need him to leave as soon as possible because I did not want to hate him by the time he left. WH told MC this is what he feels we should do but has no idea how it would work or how it would be. WH said it would be very difficult for us financially. I have not LBed..I have had very limited convo with WH and when I do speak its soft and to the point. This is helping me. It seems to also have an affect on WH. After the MC session, I told WH "I want you to know..even if you came to me tonight and told me it was over with OW, I would still want to seperate." WH of course had no response and just looked at me. I honestly feel that way. I need time away from him to stop feeling the way I do.

Also last night, I heard some messages from OW on his cell phone. She has been big time LBing since Sat. nite. Gotta love it. In two weeks it will be 6 months from D-day. Could this finally be burning itself out. I am going to continue to not LB and with my Plan. I want him to leave regardless. I am also looking for a full time job. None of this is going to change, I need to finally take control of this situation and my life. If my WH wants me and our life, he is going to have to come and get it!! I am done allowing him to just be a part of it the way things are.

I had to laugh last night at the MC. We were talking about "turf". Meaning him allowing e-mails and pics to come into our home, and the A always in my face. The MC was trying to make WH understand how this makes me feel. Of course no response. Finally, the MC suggested to WH maybe OW should move in with us, maybe it would make things easier. I said sure, its like she is already there anyway. WH just looked down at the floor. I thought that was pretty good. Well I have some errands to run. Will post later.

L

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