Good Morning , I agree with Forever, all great signs . BUT how sincere and for how long ??

Just my 2 cents , all I ever wanted to know to help me make a chocie or PLAN call it what ever was :: DO You love OW ? if YES see YA later !!!!!!!!

The other was if NO , then are you here cause ya want the Marriage ME ??? If yes lets work if no I want all that the other things kids and security of M then SEE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may have a different point of veiw then others and I belive in the ws FOG , I saw that , but through some of all this you still can see THAT Person . And if the FOG is so thick you can't well then I need to make my choices and well if they snap out of it later and I am not there then there loose .

Lisa what I am saying is if you feel the strength then fine keep going the raod your on .

Don't force yourself if the energy is not there , plan B IS good and it does work for alot of people .

I told you pnce before JMO your WS needs a better IC . Theres been no changes in him that you posted from 6 months ago .

You started on here and read my thread you know how long it went on and it was painful as all is here . I did it my way for my reasons MINE was to get answers and make MY choices from there .

IF my H at any time would have said I LOVE OW I was would have been PLAN B asap . end .

Ohters would well its fog talking , yes it could be but that is all it would have took to put me in PLAN B .

What I am getting at is YOU need to know what your conditions are to move things along . NO flip Floping .

OK he is N/C are ya sure or as sure as any BS can be ?

Are you still moving ahead well with MC ?
Is he still going to IC ? Is he on MEDS? Are you ?

How are the kids ? Does he feel the M is recoverable ? Not your feeling his . JMVHO if he feels its not then he will only go through the motions of the work and he really won't be giving it his all . what ARE HIS RESAONS for staying ? and are these good enough for you ?

All is JMVHO and if nothing I say helps at all then let me know I can only offer the experiance that I have with what I went through with the on going A while living at home .

Also proir to MB Plan B . Take care of you and I am thinking of you and praying for ya .

Lisa go over to the In Recovery board and read 2ofakind's thread on Plan A vs Plan B, may be some insights for you there.

Hi Lisa, were you able to go in and read the thread?

Yes Forever I have just gotten done reading the threads. I have alot of soul-searching to do.

I will post later.

Lisa

Hey Lisa, where's that promised update. We worry when you stop posting.

Hey Everyone,

I am still here and okay. Things are basically the same. He is back in contact with OW. Right now financially we are on the verge of losing everything, house, business, two vehicles. So we have been trying to put our energies into all that. Actually there has been no OW or R talk in 2 days and once again WH seems to respond to me.
I know money is not a good enough reason to stay but I have to do my best to save my home for my children. It is my home only..in my name bought before my marriage.

I have a question..I know the passcode to WH cell phone voice mail. I hear messages from OW which indicate that he is going to leave me. Well they have been together almost a year now and she is still waiting. A few days back I hinted to WH that I knew exactly what he said to OW about leaving me. WH asked me waht I was talking about. He said I constantly ask him to be honest so I need to level with him. I told him it was to painful right now. The only reason I have not confronted him about these messages is because it is my only way of knowing whats going on. My questions...should I tell him I hear everything or should I keep on spying? Is WH lying to both of us? Should I contact OW and let her know exactly what WH says to me about her and furthering their relationship?

I know all of u are going to tell me dont bother..its time for Plan B. I agree 100%, put I need to keep my home first and I cant do that with WH gone. Talk to soon

L

Lisa, why do you need him there to keep your home? Why can't he pay bills if he lives with OW or relatives? You said that you read all the posts about Plan A vs Plan B what were your thoughts when you read those?

It's question time...sorry if I've missed this in your posts.

Do you think you have adequately exposed the A to friends and family?

I wouldn't tell OW about phone messages or what he is telling you...if you have the opportunity, you may tell her that you know about her, and that if it doesn't stop, that you won't live this way anymore. Wouldn't that be interesting for WH to get the Plan B message from you through the OW? Probably not the best way for it to happen though.

So...what's the plan? I'll bet you guys are working on a plan to get out from the financial mess. Time? Do you have a deadline? Is there a point you can say...if you don't tell her bye-bye by Oct 1st...then...Plan B?

HI LISA , I won't ask how you are cause I am sure not well . SORRY for that , but I got to agree with SMHI - PLAN WHAT ??? Belive me I know the confusion and when everyone is saying the same thing it some times makes things more confusing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

JMVHO , YOU have to do something , not just talk to him . HE is not normal (FOG) he is scsred of his own shadow right now and yet wants to be all tuff at the same time like he is in some control .

Ok do you tell OW ? DO ya do the heart to heart ?

JMVHO , yes I did it In the very beging , I needed to get a feel of the type of person I was dealing with . Well I kind of knew the type . But what I mean is is there anything I could find out .

In your case I belive You said she knows he livesa at HOME . RIGHT ? well then whats making her hang in ? He is saying he is leaving you ?

WELL tape his convo's with you . and also record her voice mails . A PLAN !!

Then when you want you confront her , when she says he is leaving you play the tape , to let her here the reverse side of why you are confused and are trying to work your M out , cause he gives you the impresion that he is staying ..

I only recomend doing this if your ready for PLAN B cause after that the $hit will hit the fan .

I do belive exposing the A works wonders for the first jolt . It brings anger and put them together at first but then the rest takes off to reality .

I did that and it took 5 months for him to beg back . Of corse when he came home is when I made my mistakes . Thats the stuff on MBers .

All the above stuff was before MB .

I hope you see what all are saying to you is a PLAN is in order . WHAT ever you want but something .

If you have family and freinds now would be the time to know how far people will go to support you . I knew if it came down to it I could loose my house , battle for my kids ect. with the support I had . If they would have known all that was going on , the way they did the first time .

That gave me control , I was able to take any action the first time , confront OW ect.

Please know all are here for you.

Lisa,

Regarding the voicemail. I went thru this. My FWS NEVER changed his access code, even tho I begged him at times, when I finally couldn't take some of the things that ow said.

My advice is this. Say nothing. Use it to your advantage. If you know what is going on, and you really do want WS and marriage, family, don't say anything right now. You can really use this to your advantage. If you know ow is LBing, you do the opposite, that is what I did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It was a great source of imformation, even tho it was really painful, to help me with my plan A.

Use this info from voicemail to get your ducks lined up.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Just checking in to see how your soul-searching is going.

Hey Still,

Thanks for checking in..just know I am doing fine actually feeling good and everything at home has been very calm this week. Situation hasnt changed..WH is still talking to OW. I havent said a word about our M or the OW in a week and he has been so different with me. I am just going about my life.

I am still soul-searching..WH keeps asking what I am thinking about and I just tell him I am struggling with some decisions. WH says what and I tell him when I have it figured out he will be the first to know. He has been asking everyday and at the same time been very attentive, calling me alot from work. Even asked me to the movies Wed nite. Believe me I am not getting my hopes up whatsoever, I am trying to figure out the best way to deal with this for me and my family.

L

<small>[ September 07, 2003, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: Lisa0705 ]</small>