I'm just so fustrated w/ HIM!!! I feel like he thinks I'll wait forever for him. I'm so tired of his BS!! I'm going on with my life. He's not a part of it anymore. Only when it has to do with the kids. I'm going on with the Divorce and he knows it.

His parents went through the same thing. His dad left his mom for OW. They divorced but his dad went back to his mom.

And he told me that day that we were in the court room. "If my parents did it then we can do it too."

But you know, he's not truely ready to work on the marriage and he's willing to get the divorce. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> This is stupid. I'm pissed. I just wish that I didn't have to talk to him at all. I do so good when I don't have to talk to him!! I'm so mad. He's buying time with her. His words don't mean sh** to me!!! I want him to do something about it. Why say anything at all then? Does he expect me to wait for him till he's done having his fun?

I'm going on with my life! After this Divorce I'm leaving my parents house and getting a house of my own, me and the kids! I'm gonna go out and gonna go out on dates, you know why? B/C I'll be divorced. That's what divorced people do, right? I mean this is ridiculous. He's like wanting me to put my life on hold until he has the balls (sorry for the language) to leave her. I dont think so. He hasn't proved anything to me. Those words coming out of his mouth on thursday were nothing but words. There were no actions to back up his words!!!!

Sorry just MAD!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

STBXW, hang in there, it is always easy said than done, you gave good advise to me when Blah decided to go back to OW after 2 weeks NC, now I am going to ask of you to be strong too, OK. We are here to support you, it is ok to vent, many understand...we all wish for our WS to return home, it is hard not-knowing...I am going through the same path, I am almost at the end of my rope, it is easier when there is no child involves( though I wish I had a child, badly, sometimes I feel like my child can give me strength to move on even w/o WS, if my family were to be here with me(they are abroad) I would have left him already, no chances given...I am alone here, so is Blah, I envy when others have family by their sides..plus I did not tell my family about OW,just said Blah wants out of the marriage, whole family just met him, some met him years ago..they love him, and if they knew he is doing this to me, it will break their hearts...sad, isn't it?)
Just hang in there, be good to yourself, focus on your beautiful children, hear their innocent laughters, and be blessed that you have them in your life...smile and always look good, I am trying too. Take care.

Thanks everyone!

I'm just so tired of all this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It just so hard to hear him say that he wants to work it out and then does nothing about it!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I feel like he's playing with my head and my heart. He knows how I feel. He knows that I deeply love him and I feel like he's taking advantage of that.

I'm just hurting a lot right now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm so glad that I have all of you guys here to support me and give me advice!! Thank you to everyone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Honestly, what I'm I supposed to do here?

Wait for him to actually do something? Ask him when he plans on leaving her? Ask him what his plans for reconcilation as he stated he wants?

I'm confused.

Or do I just do nothing, and wait it out?

I'm so confused. He knows that I don't want to talk to him until he moves out of her house and has no contact with her. I think he knows exactly what I want in order for us to work things out. Is he just buying time, knowing that I still want to work things out? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

STBXW, aren't we all confuse with our WS...I know how you feel, it is really hard NOT knowing, of course WS knows what BS wants, just that WS must be the one to decide to leave OP and WANTS to come home, just let WS come to you, I am trying..though in my heart I know my WH will not do so "unless" (maybe?! But OW is too cheap and too low to want someone else's H, it is easier when no commitment, play with WS at OP's covenience & no responsibilities over WS, why not, get OP's needs fulfilled & not to worry about anything..just fun times)unless.. OW rejects him high and dry, wait till he falls flat on his face and wound himself or be wounded, then WS "might" realize that there is no place like home??? For now,let the children bring you joy and pamper yourself, look good, all the time, eh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

STBXW,

You asked what to do????? R U ready for this answer???

Ok, here goes: Do nothing...for him.

Do everything for you and the children.

Easier said than done. Yet it is the right thing to do.

Right now you need to step back and take a look at where you are and where YOU want to be. Then make your goal and plans to get there. With or without your H. Write it down, then come back here and we can talk about your plan to move forward with dignity and grace.

Your H already admitted he wants to come back, right? Yet his actions show otherwise. Ok, now you plan according to his actions.

It will confuse him, or anger him or sadden him. I doubt he will be happy to see you happy. He will talk nonsense and babble which can drive you crazy. At that time, you will be strong enough in your personal resolve and plan to be able to babble back. So his confusing words will hurt less and you will still be able to move forward. I am not saying it will be easy. This is a bumpy roller coaster ride you are on. It is up to you how long you stay on that ride.

L.

Im running on empty right now. Yesterday my WH had my son all day. Well I find out by my son that he was at the OW house. AAARRRGGG!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm sorry but there is something really wrong with my WH, mentally!!!! Is he mentally ill or what? He needs counceling.

Well I called my BIL and asked him to call his brother and tell him that I needed to talk to him ASAP!
By this time I had already left a message on his voicemail at work.
Saying something to this effect:
"You know you say you want to work things out and then you take our son to her house. I'm sorry X but, when the temp orders come through we're going to follow them strictly and that's it. I tried, but you find it nessasary to take your son around her. You'll be able to see him every other week and that's it. I'm sorry X, but I have no other choice. Sorry."
(Which he still hasn't heard b/c he'll be back at work tonight)

Well my WH called about 30 to 40 min. later.

And I asked him, why did you take our son to her house. And he asked, who told you. And I said, he did. He told me he was playing on the side walk. And he said that he just went to the house to pick up some money and that he didn't even get down. Which is a lie b/c my son told me who was there at the house.

Then he says, I'm hearing rumors that you are seeing someone. I was like what, who's saying that, your girlfriend. Those are rumors.

Then he says we'll talk about this tommorrow. I said, wait I just want to know why you feel like you need to take him to her house and he said let me call you back. (Which means I don't want to talk about it we're going to hang up.) I said ok and hung up.

I knew he wouldn't call back and he didn't.

I ended up calling him voice mail again and left another message.

I said, "I'm not seeing anyone. Even though we haven't been together for months now, I know in my heart that I'm married. I'm not seeing anyone nor have I seen anyone. And like we use to say a long time ago I swear on our love ( we use to say this when we were in high school, stupid huh?). I swear it on my kids, I'm not seeing anyone. I don't want to complicate things anymore by adding another person to the situation. And those rumors are just that, rumors."

I'm just really fustrated with everything. I dont want him thinking that I'm seeing someone when I'm not. I don't want to hurt my chances of reconciliation. I do go out and I do have girlfiends that I do go out with but I dont date or have been looking.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I felt this emptiness in my heart. I'm truely hurting by all this. But I can't make him come back and I know that. I wish he would be true to his word and do something about it.

I'm not having a good day!! Feeling really down.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Sounds like it may be time for Plan B, what do you think?

Sounds like he played a SWITCH-A-ROO on you. Instead of dealing with his actions, he turned it around by putting blame on you with the rumor of you dating someone. And sorry to say, you fell for it hook, line and sinker! The objective of communication was his actions with son being around OW. Your actions were no better. Since he acted in a way you don't like you punish him with restricting child visitations. He isn't trying to come back into the marriage anytime soon by his actions and you are not displaying a safe environment for him to want to come back into the marriage by your angry ultimatums. If you are in Plan B, stick to it, nothing has changed but his WORDS! JMO

<small>[ July 03, 2003, 10:58 AM: Message edited by: trying2_4give ]</small>

ARRRRGGGGGG!!!!
I know that I say things when I'm mad but I cant help it!!!!!!

He called just right now and said he was sorry that he took our son to her house. He said that he didn't want to jeperdize the ability to take our son. And he wouldn't do it again!! Sure yeah right, he's said that before!!!!

And kept asking if I was seeing someone!!!!! I was like NO!!!

I'm married. I don't want to see anyone or have been looking for anyone.

ARGGG!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You have no need to reassure your filandering H of your fidelity. When I found out my H, whom I was SURE I wanted to divorce, WAS starting to see someone...that's when I came to truly realize I still cared for him. So if anything, reassuring him will only allow him to fence sit and cake eat all the more. Let him sweat for a while...let him come to realize that you CAN and WILL move on if he continues to take the path he's on.

Hey what happens if you say yup I am seeing someone??? What business is it of yours??? I mean you have a girlfriend??? Maybe he said he wanted to come back because he was afraid you wouldn't be sitting there waiting for him !!! And what business is it of his what you do - he is the one that has the girlfriend - I mean you did just go to court... I don't know it is mean --but maybe he thinks you like him are protesting to much about not having anyone - I mean if he meant everything he said to you in the courthouse - then he wouldn't have been over the OW's house....

You don't have to be insulting but it would certainly give him plenty of pause if you told him that its a possibility and not talk any further about it. Remember that everything IS possible although highly improbable.

Well guys, I'm feeling very blue today.

But I'm forcing myself to snap out of it and going out tonight to have dinner & drinks with some girlfriends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm just really tired about thinking about things.

Hope everyone has a Happy 4th of July! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi everyone!!

I went out on Thursday night with a couple of girlfiends of mine. Had a good time and actually got hit on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> STILL GOT IT!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Found out that my STBXH wanted to take is GF to his aunts house on Thursday night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They were having a bar-b-que and they asked him if he wanted to join them and he asked if he could bring her along. I guess they said yes, but he never showed. This is acording to his cousins wife (my best friend) who was there.

Strange way of trying to work things out!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Anyways, didn't do much on 4th of july, no $.
My best friend also told me that my STBXH went by her house on 4th of july to see if the kids and I were there. Was originally going to go to her house but decided not to.

So that's my update.

You know I'm just leaving it all in God's hands. I'm done. I think I'm pulling on the brakes of the roller coaster ride and getting off.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Someone help me CALM DOWN PLEASE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm pissed, pissed!!!!! I can't believe this.

My WH called and asked if I was busy. I said I'm working. He says well I just wanted to ask about the kids, so I say what about them. He says I just want to talk about the kids, so I say, "ask".

He asks about our little girl and why I didn't take her to my in-laws and I said I didn't know I had to. I told him that she would be there next Sunday. And he asked about our son. How he was doing and I said he was fine. He said something about his hair cut which I gave him and then he says something like:
"You know for someone trying to work things out you sure aren't showing it. AAARRRRGGGG <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I was like WHAT???!!!???!!???

I said, "Me not showing I want to work things out, what about you!! Look, you know what it takes to work things out." He then says you don't even want to talk to me. I said, "I do talk to you, but you know what it's gonna take for us to talk and start working things out. You can say one thing and do the total opposite." Then I started saying, "Look you need to think about............" then I stopped myself and said no, you know what I'm not gonna say anything.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
What does he want, he wants me to say yes baby I love you and I want you to come back to me, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeee! He wants to know that I'm still in his little triangle and that I'm still playing his game! Well I'm done playing the game. CHECK MATE!

He wants to work it out, he's gotta prove it.

I can't believe he said that I don't show that I want to work it out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG

Center your chi and don't hurt yourself rolling your eyes. It's actually pretty normal. Along with the fog brain comes an over active ego that brings a WS to believe they're soooooo great that everyone should just swoon over them. Get Orchid in here to teach you how to talk fogese back. It's actually confusing to the WS and amusing for you (atleast in private) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Hang in there...he's gotten a DOSE of reality, but evidently needs a full brick of it to hit him square in the noggin (and if you're thinking of tossing it in his direction, remember to aim south, because that's where the head resides during fog times).

GOOD LUCK!!!

STBXW,

Picture this: Grown man in diapers with a baby bottle in his mouth, baby rattle in his hands pulling a blanket and telling you is this how you try to work it out?!?!?!

Now keep that mental picture the next time he fog babbles to U. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

My usual spiel: act like you are talking to a psychiatric patient. You might as well be. You wouldn't say anything to agitate a psychiatric patient, would you? You wouldn't try to reason with them, would you? Just be calm, talk low, and get them out of your face before they go wacko again.