I agree with MelodyLane that this slimeball belongs behind bars. This guy is a danger to you, your children and ultimately to your W. Your duty is to see that he never again poses a danger to you and your loved ones. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Yes ML, I have a gun.

The cops are investigating. They may have arrested him last night ,I don't know. More later I'm late for work.

WOW Hurting!

If she doesn't realize what kind of psycho she's dealing with now, she never will.

You and the kids stay safe! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Just want you to know I am praying for God to protect you and children.

Have been in the same spot where WS just couldn't believe that op would do something like that. Pretty scarey. I was lucky and op found someone else after 4 months of 'stalking'. My experience was much milder than yours, however.

Please take the violation of your home and vandalism seriously. Hope the police found some fingerprints!

Glad your W has a safe place to be. Hopefully om does not know where she is.

Take care of you and children.

Praying for you,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

He only knows the state so she should be ok. I'm moving me and the kids in about a month. He won't know where we are. Hopefully she wants towork it out with me, if not we can make it on our own.

hurting,

As was suspected from the start, this fella is a danger to your family. I don't know what it will take to shake up your WW (or you for that matter) but you have to know that you cannot sit back and let her make the decisions that will affect your family's saftey.

Take the bull by the horns man! I would think that after this episode, together with the threats, the notes, the drug connection, the A, etc; etc; you have enough circumstantial evidence to obtain a restraining order against this guy. Keep him away from your you, your home but especially your kids. You cannot control your WW wifes actions...she is on her own. She should get her own RO if she can muster up enough sense to do so. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yes ML, I have a gun. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Put that thing away before you hurt yourself. That's all your kids need is for their Daddy to be put in jail for doing something toopid. Use the law to keep this nut away from your family.

jmho
ba109

I have a restraining order. I would never shoot him unless he was in the house. I keep the shells beside it and in my sight at all times. The kids know to never touch it but I take no chances. When I leave the house the trigger lock goes on.

Actually I wouldn't even shoot him in the house if he withdraws. Only if I had to protect the kids or I. Don't hate anyone enough to kill other than in SD.

hurting,

I'm curious how you could have stayed out of town from Sat a.m. to Mon a.m. knowing that your house was broken into and ransacked. (And had a good time, no less) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Not only would I have been furious with WW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I would have been packing up and heading home to assess the damage.

Does nothing get a rise out of you man? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You should be very thankful that your brother didn't walk in on this guy unexpectedly. Your brother could have been hurt very badly or worse, killed. You don't know what this guy is capable of.

I really wish you would take this more seriously. For your kids safety, your safety and those around you.

jmho
ba109

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Hmmmmmmm?

Isn't OM on probation? If his prints are all over your ransacked appartment, isn't that an automatic arrest?

Call his probation officer and have a little chat with him.

The kid gloves come off now mister Hurting .... time to be "nice-guy Plan-A'er" is sooooo over!

Pep

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to convince WW to stay in Il. Brother had already accessed the damage and straightened up quite a bit so that kids wouldn't see it.

I am taking it seriously. I can take care of anyone coming into the house. We are all sleeping upstairs in case of anything coming through a window. We are there only to sleep until we can move or they decide to arrest him. There were no prints. I figured as much as his work issues several pairs of gloves a month.

If he comes back and destroys more stuff, that can be replaced. There really isn't much more I can do about it right now. I check the house before I let kids in and check the property before I get them up in the mornings. Then straight to the car and to moms house.

I also get up when he should be getting off and sit in the dark for 3-4 hours. wait till he should be in bed before I go back to bed. Locks have been changed and windows nailed shut. He can't get in without makeing enough noise to wake me up. Then I'll call cops and sit at top of stairs with shotgun.

I kow it's not a fun way to live but since we are moving in a month I can't move somewhere else here just to move again in a month. Besides I drive all over town all day for my job so he could find me and follow to new house anyways. I just hope he leaves town now that WW is gone. There is nothing to hold him here. All his family and old friends are 3 hrs west of here.

Back to nagging .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The title of this thread ( Is recovery possible without NC?) has been bugging me for awhile.

Recovery is IMPOSSIBLE until your wife desires to remain in the marriage and become active in the recovery process herself.

EVEN IF there was NC (say ... for instance, OM got arrested and is incarcerated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) .... the NC does NOT mean you are in recovery ..... your wife has to be on board, and so far, she is showing no common sense, much less any recovery effort herself.

Just had to finally say this..... just because you are living under the same roof with your wife does NOT mean you are in recovery.

Recovery begins when you both want the marriage.

Sorry kiddo .....

Pep

Pepper,
I'm not sure if he is on probation or not. I found out he had a warrent out on him but he had taken care of it the day before I found out. It was just a fine that needed paying so no help there.

Pepper,
We are posting at the same time. You are right we were not in recovery. I learned that lesson. Kids and I will be in our own house up there. WW ,if she decides to work on M, will not be allowed to move in until I'm convinced she is trying.

She has places to stay there and I have no reason to risk custody again now that she is out again. Granted she didn't really want to move out but I'll take it any way I can get it.

That's why I was actually a little glad that OM went nuts. No one was hurt and I was able to get her out of the house again until she really does want to work on M.

You're right. This crisis did force a change ... for both of you.

Take advantage of the opportunity.

It always astounds me that the WS has to hit bottom sooooo hard .... do a real crash and burn .... before they let go of the OP fantasy....

You have to allow them to crash .... or they just keep driving the wrong way ... scary.

Yep she is on the bottom. She still doesn't know which way to go to get up though so she may stay there or return there for a while. I worry the most that she will just fall into another A right now. It would be so easy to boost her self esteem for a while and not really have to give that much to get it. Men always seem so willing to give a lot of themselves in the begining as long as they are "getting some". I hope not because that would just prolong this mess and probably result in another crash for her.

What are her spiritual beliefs?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have a restraining order. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hurting,

I feel from your posts that you would consider this a big, Big, BIG, LB against your WW. She would be furious if you took such action against OM.

There comes a point when you have to stop being a doormat and take charge of the situation. That time has come and gone for you. Conflict avoidance is going to get you to divorce court in a hurry. I just hope it doesn't get anyone hurt.

Don't just say that you have an RO...get one! Then make sure it gets enforced.

This man has wreaked havoc on your life. Both you and your W are giving up your jobs, your home and possibly your marriage over this man. What else are you willing to sacrifice before you will take serious action and drill it into your WW's head that this BS has got to stop?

ba109

She is an athiest(sp) and I meana confirmed one. Molested by her father for 10 years. No way a god would let that happen. I tried and tried but that isn't changing.

Ba109, Really as of 915 this morning there was an RO in force. I had called my attourney Mon morning, she had the complaint ready to sign when I got to town yesterday afternoon. Went in front of judge this morning and he issued it.

I'm not sure when he was served with it but it should be done by now.

Your right it was a huge LB thats why I didn't do it earlier. In fact I'm not telling WW now. Don't know if she would consider it an LB now or not. If she asks I will tell her but I'm not offering the info.

When did your W tell you about her history of abuse by her father?