To Eternal Rain:

If you don't mind I think I would like to jump in here. First, Too Much Coffee generally gives terrific advise. I am sorry that you got off to a bad start with him because it is very unusual since he is greatly appreciated and admired by many on this board.

Now when it comes to your situation I would like to make a suggestion. Anytime you and your husband are around your friend's scummy boyfriend why don't you and your husband give each other big kisses and be lovey dovey. This would send the message to Mr. Scumbag that he has no chance and no hope whatsoever. What do you think?
In addition, I am amazed that your girlfriend would be so tolerant of his lusty behavior towards you. I know I would not accept this from my girlfriend and my girlfriend would kick me to the curb if I acted all lusty for another woman.
I am curious as to why she puts up with it.
Anyway I hope your party went well and I wish you luck.

Thanks Bryan. We have tried the kisses and what not in front of him and to no avail I think he still thinks he can do whatever he wants.

I wonder why my best friend puts up with him too. Theres loads more there and if you heard it all you'd be really amazed at why she is even still with him. He really is pretty much a low life. Thanks for your advice.

Eternal Rain:

It blows me away that the scummy boyfriend does not care even if you and your husband are lovey Dovey. Dosen't this get on your husband's nerves? The fact that you said there are a whole lot more that he does and it amazes you that your girlfriend puts up with it gives me two thoughts:
First, your girlfriend must have very low self-esteem to put up with this. Second, it sounds like this guy is a real sicko. Do you think he would ever try to get you alone and try to do something stupid? I would suggest that maybe anytime you think he is near you that you be prepared to use pepper spray just in case. I know this sounds extreme but the fact that he stays in his room when other people come over but only comes out when you are there to stare at you is disturbing. He does not sound like he all together. I believe better safe than sorry. How was the party? I wish you luck.

The impending party is coming up on the 10th. I have planned it all out.

Well here is the deal Bryan, this guy, he didn't work for a year and a bit and my best friend supported him by waitressing, and her three kids. This guy is a bit younger than her, we are 28 and he is 26. He puts my best friend down whenever he can, and I remember seeing him at Walmart and he kept staring at me, while I was in there getting fabric for my chairs, I turned around after he was through gawking at me and I said (insert his name here) where's (my best friend here). He said 'oh I knew that was you, I was just staring to try and figure it out', pfft please, he knew who I was, he just tried to cover his own behind. My best friend is a bit overweight, I'm thin, she was thin when they met but she gained weight due to depression and other things. This guy is just a punk, and yeah my h does get really out of joint over it all. But my H has also said 'well people infatuate over people all the time, as long as he doesn't try to touch you I think it will be ok'. I have to say that astonished me but my H is really confident, we've been together now for 12 years and we're still going strong. It is just a literal mess.

Hello again,

I am a bit surprised at the reaction of your husband. It is true that people are infactuated with other but in this case it is a bit different.
He is a punk, creepy and a bit seedy. The fact that this creep stays to himself, has not worked in over a year and puts down your friend while she is the one working says quite a bit about him.
It is a difficult situation since he has not broken the law. I am serious about the pepper spray. I agree with your solution of telling your friend she cannot come to the party if he comes with her. Why put you and your husband through this? It is so sad that your girlfriend does not mind that this guy gets off contantly staring at you. I would say to myself that life is too short to waste your time and energy dealing with Mr.
Weirdo. You just may have to curtail the friendship with your girlfriend until she eventually gets rid of this guy. Until this happens keep the pepper spray with you whenever you are out. I am not joking. I wish you luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no problems setting people right when they are way off topic </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why have you not set the BF's boyfriend "right?" According to your description and feelings that you have conveyed, he sounds way "off topic."

becontent,

wow what such a witted comment? how do you set someone straight when you don't control their feelings, and really am i the one that has to set him straight? i've conveyed to my best friend many times that i don't want him. i'm very much happy with my relationship. get a clue.

Wow Eternal Rain,
11 posts and you have already managed to bite off the heads of TMCM, one of the most loyal advice givers here, and becontent, who was asking you an honest question. I don't think your main problem is your best friend's boyfriend, but perhaps your attitude problem in relating to people trying to help you.
As far as your topical problem- I will take the risk of giving you my advice, although my head may be #3 at getting chopped off by you.
If your best friend does not get rid of the scummy boyfriend, then you distance yourself from the best friend until she does. You tell the scummy boyfriend to leave you alone and don't get in situations with him, and you practice openness and honesty with your husband, and try to figure out why if you are so happy with your 12 year marriage, he doesn't care more about some idiot making google eyes at you and making you feel uncomfortable.

He doesn't care because he knows I won't do anything. It is called S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y ever heard of it? I have no attitude problem, what I have a problem with is that some of you go off topic. It is not my duty to control the feelings of another. I've told him many times I'm not interested. I've told my best friend that I'm not interested in her boyfriend or anything, my H knows everything so openess and honesty has always been a part of our relationship because if it hadn't we wouldn't have one. You guys need to look at the bigger picture, stay to topic, and any advice I get is most appreciative. I just don't take any kind of responsibility for someone elses actions or feelings. Especially when they are not of my own and how you could get that there is no openess or honesty in my and my H's relationship is beyond me.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Eternal Rain must not know that S-e-c-u-r-i-t-y and "I would NEVER do anything"- are myths heard all around this MB board.
Never say never and security is only in Christ Jesus.

ER

This is the infidelity general questions II forum for people that have been affected by infidelity in their lives, be they BS or WS. You speak of me being of topic, but since your problem doesn't have anything to do with infidelity, why are you posting here?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm thinking this guy has something for me, but it makes me uncomfortable, any advice would be greatly appreciated please. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really thought I gave you some specific "on topic advice."

In case you missed my advice, it was for YOU to set the boyfriend straight.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i've conveyed to my best friend many times that i don't want him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It really is not your BF's place to resolve this. YOU have the problem with HIM.

Well I see in a later post that you have "told him many times that you are not interested." Your next step is to STAY AWAY. I don't know about you, but I don't normally go where I am uncomfortable, and there is No friendship worth causing any problems in a marriage.

There was a little boy who opened his lunchbox every day at school and found yet another peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. There was never anything else in his lunchbox. Always the same lunch, day after day.

He complained bitterly to his buddies at school about this problem.

Finally, one day, a buddy asked him: "Why don't you ask your Mom to make you something different for lunch tomorrow?"

The boy replied, "Because I pack my own lunch."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />