My H had trouble with ED for a long time in past few years. Testosterone test showed he was very low!
His doctor started giving him shots once a week for 6 week intervals. Counselor told me no way would a man with this problem go near another woman. But mine did! He contacted an old HS sweetheart then after few months of emails, they flew to meet. According to him, and he'd taken the 6 weeks series of shots ending just one day before going to her, he had problems still. And she had problems as she is older and menopausal with no hormone replacements.
He did say he had all the feelings of sexual excitment, and shots had nothing to do with that.
He also said they were unable to have intercourse.
Now, are there any men who are willing to discuss this with me? Or tell us if a man would try with another woman if he seriously had an ED problem?
Doctor seems to have documented his problem and says it is the cause from low hormones.
I really want to believe he didn't have it any better than at home. He says not, he says I'm still the one, and we do have a good SF life. But still having the ED problem. Though I am not giving him shots at home and ongoing. Test still show they're fairly low and we keep increasing the meds.
Please answer if you have experienced this.
It has truly effected my self esteem to know he'd want another, go to her, and now I feel maybe it worked with her. Though he denies it.
Thank you all, LouLou

Yes. Same with my H. Exactly. Started an A while having severe ED problems -- more severe with OW than he had with me.

Don't know what he's doing now, however.

Thank you A.M. Martin. Makes you wonder why they would even try? Or maybe to test if it's us or them?
Our counselor told me no man would risk going near another woman with this condition. Boy was he wrong!
Mine said still had problems but you do wonder if they're telling us the truth.
I do think the initial feelings or libido was up but the ED didn't disappear.
Kind of makes you happy it wouldn't work, Huh? LOL
At any rate, we're still together and now he's got meds to help or shots I should say. His was proven to be his physical problem by test.
I've heard a few others say H used excuse of problem only to find out it was a lie though.
Then some who did have actual ED problems and still had to go test the waters.
Any wonder why us BW's aren't having A's! but it's not in my moral makeup!
The guy goes out, tells OW wife won't have sex with him, when it's the wife doing without due to his problem!
Any men out there that would approach this subject for us? LouLou

Insofar as I have any idea that he was telling me the truth during a period of lies, this seemed to be true. Just like you said: he said there was arousal, even ejaculation, but no erection.

He claimed OW was the aggressor. I suppose he was largely flattered. I still think of him to highly to think she was his "type." Maybe delusional on my part.

Who knows. But the counselor who said that no man would start an affair with this condition was definitely off the wall.

I have heard several theories on this issue.
*ED exists if there was an injury or operation that may have damaged nrves or blood flow.
*ED due to hormone imbalance.
*ED due to excessive smoking, smoking screws blood flow.
*ED due to medications.
*ED due to excessive alcohol consumption.
*ED due to bad sleep patterns.

All of the above, to my understanding, can be tested for and treated.

BUT, if not the above, then...
*ED is purely psychological
--stress
--guilt
--performance anxiety
--many hang ups
--childhood sex abuse
etc.

My H felt he had to use Viagra after his divorce from his wandering wife. Whether or not he used V while married to her, he will not say. He had major performance anxiety as far as sex was concerned w/ her. He has used the word "performance" when describing their sexual relationship. He felt pressured by her, she held him responcible for her every big O.

As far as H has admitted, the V was perscribed after D. We won't go any further w/ this as I suspect H used V to perform w/ multiple PAs when we were together. He often time performed just fine w/o V w/ me.

Relationship prior to my marriage to H, used V and penile injections. He had had back surgery, but tested out any permanent damage to nerve bundels and blood flow to penis. His was largely due to excessive smoking, excessive alcohol, and guilt. He wandered and wandered and wandered. It was because of this guy that I did a bit of research into the subject.

I did learn, that if a man has massive guilt, massive stress, massive hangups etc, not even V will help if they are not mentally capable of sex. The penile injection results can be very uncomfortable to the point of pain if a man has massive guilt, masive stress, massive hangups, eetc and they are not mentally capable of sex. A man who feels that the last injection wasn't enopugh and attempts to over dose will find himself in a very painful situation that lasts for hours. Regardless of how he tries to relieve the "pressure". Ejaculation is nearly impossible if a man over doses w/ the injections.

Mind you, this was several years ago, maybe 5. Modern medicine and the thoughts behind it change dramatically in a short time. All this could be different now.

AND I am not a professional in this area.

xo
2nd

2ndfiddle, Thanks for all the info. Mine has never used the injections to penile. The only injections he uses are testosterone prescribed by Doctor and it is making a difference.
And yes, he is a smoker and doc told him at least 10 yrs ago to quit! I'm still working on that aspect because after yrs, the damage can be permanent too.
V won't work as well if the levels or T are low.
Shots have an effect on the overall libido so they do work better.
According to my H, he had the Ed problem too but said it would have worked if she'd been in better condition. She was atrophied from not taking hormones and into menopause 10 yrs prior.
I guess he could get it up, but not last so they used hands and it worked for completing the act that way. He denies oral, but who knows for sure! She certainly made it clear in her emails she needed him in her mouth. Sheesh, wht a slut!
I just wish we could get feedback from men with the problem to see how the A worked for them! But I suppose it's a touchy subject for them and embarrassing which it should not be. Many men in 20's and 30's are experiencing the ED problems too.
Thanks again. LouLou

I agree Lou Lou, Feedback from men would be very helpful.

I have had bouts of ED most of my life. Now I have some physical problems as well because of nicotine and diabetes.

When I was married to my first wife I was still very sexually active (37) but after the divorce I was dead. I couldn't have sex with any number of partners for about 9 mos after the divorce. Little by little I had some success but all the failures were in my mind and my confidence was shaken. I was so ED I didn't even wake up in the morning with and erection.

When I met my current wife, she turned me on so much I felt like I was 18 again, we did it multiple times everyday, (till my daughter was born) then sex began to wain.

After my bypass surgery I was diagnosed with diabetes. I could barely do anything and lost any libido that I had. Listening to others making sex jokes caused me a lot of pain. I knew I had low testosterone levels but my cardiologist said hormone replacement would be bad. Relations with my wife stopped, I wouldn't sleep in the same room with her because I was too embarrased.

Last November I got in a hormone replacement study for a new gel. This worked wonders. I lost weight, I gain muscle mass, my skin got better, endurance for sports was unbelievable and all my joint pains from arthritus left me. But still not much libido.

My bad relationship with my wife had psychologically casterated me so to speak. I went to be tested and found I had "leakage" damage from diabetes. Viagra worked at first when my wife would get into sex. But that was very rare. As the relationship got colder, my ED got worse.

My that she is gone, the viagra hasn't worked much. I take it just to see if I can get a reaction. Early in the separation when I though there was a chance with my W for reconciliation just hugging her gave me a reaction, but now she is with the OM and the thought of me having sex with another woman, because of fear of failure has completely killed my libido.

You see it is very complex, the balance between physical and psychological problems that plague a man once his confidence in sex has been shaken. This isn't true with all men however.

I am not physically dead. I have been taking a 1/4 pill of viagra before I go to sleep and frequently wake up with an erection. So my dreams must be good although I don't remember any.

I see my WS as the last hope of sexual fulfilment and she is gone and only wants sex with the OM. I hope another can bring me back if I Lose my W forever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Dear Monty! I am so grateful for your post. And I've heard of the Gel but it's only is study now isn't it? We're looking forward to trying it when it's out. I also heard there is a new pill better than Viagra that is due out soon? Revitro or something like that.
I have read all about diabetes as our son was diagnosed at age 21 with type 1. Terrible disease and breaks my heart for him and the millions who suffer with it. Of course, I am concerned about his future with a wife and how his sex life will be. He's still a virgin which is nothing to be ashamed of in todays world!
I am 100% behind stem cell research as well. Everyday so many umbilical cords are just thrown out when the stem cells are right there ready to harvest from the. Too many people aren't aware of this and think it's only from aborted or cloned fetuses!
There is no reason to use any method with all the umbilical cords each day that are simply tossed!
There is real promise for cures for many diseases including Diabetes!
I suppose my own thoughts on the subject of Ed is that he has it with me and probably didn't with somebody new. But he denies that totally, if only I could believe it!
Even with test showing the problem, somehow my mind go wrapped around the idea that with another woman things would work just fine!
And getting rid of that thought has been almost impossible. Viagra isn't working as well but then the pills he has are old. We're waiting on the new RX to be approved by our insurance co. And hopefully, the new drug will be out soon that is much better!
Amazingly, when one does the research on the subject, it is effecting millions of even very young men! So what is going on? Environment? Habits? Even very healthy young men in 20's so this has to be studied more in depth to find the problem causing it.
My H started having problems in mid 50's actually. And it's progressed! But doctor did tell him years ago to stop smoking or the damage would become irreversible. We don't drink or do drugs, and no meds that should effectively cause the ED such as BP meds, etc.
Ok, long reply here. But I just wanted to offer the research I've heard about as well.
Thank you again for your honesty and openess. This cannot be easy for anyone to talk about. But it's rampant so it's time we openly talked about it! Society is getting a little more open and with TV ads, news updates, etc. hopefully, there will be more understanding and compassion!
And hopefully, better insurance coverage!
Ours still charges us 50% copay on ED drugs.
WE buy the testosterone through Women's internation pharmacy located in AZ and Wis. They compound all types of hormones and other meds. The cost difference is tremdous since we found out the vials of T cost like $145 here. Through this pharmacy though, we pay $33. and few cents.
So keep this down if you want to check out anything. Toll free number is 1-800- 279-5708 for women and men! I get all my hormones through them as they're compounded for me and much safer than the regular hormonal treatment prescribed for all women in menopausal period!
They will mail anyone a free packett just for the asking! Great company and nice people to speak with.
P.S. they do not have Viagra though. I've asked!
LouLou

Bumping up in an attempt to get men to respond to this thread.

HEY GUYS! POST SOMETHING PLEASE!!
be brave, we won't tell you secrets, really, you are amongst friends!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
xo
2nd

hey Lou,
maybe you could try changing the title of this thread to see if you get responces from men.

Sure it can be an embarasing subject for men, but......... Come on guys, knowledge is the key.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NewBranch:
<strong>Toll free number is 1-800- 279-5708 for women and men! I get all my hormones through them as they're compounded for me and much safer than the regular hormonal treatment prescribed for all women in menopausal period!
They will mail anyone a free packett just for the asking! Great company and nice people to speak with.
P.S. they do not have Viagra though. I've asked!
LouLou</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for including this in your reply. A few things I omitted from my last post:

There is a gel out now called AndroGel It is a 1% compound. The one I am testing with is 2% so it's double the stregnth and I had to cut back on it because it is too potent (measured by blood test) My brother in law uses the Androgel. It cured his depression. There are many problems caused by low testosterone levels.

More about ED from my experience. A nice stable relationship can overcome some ED but not in every case. Sometimes there is too much physical damage to overcome. If a man can do it but is depressed, even Viagra won't help. So best to keep him emotionally happy.

I have been going to a Dr. Wayne Hellstrom. You can search his name on the internet. He is nationally famous in his field. He claims ALL ED can be cured in a number of different ways including a prosthetic (inflatable). I talked to a guy who has it and he loves it. He's never had so much self confidence! I must be great to know that you can NEVER fail. But that is a last resort. Chances are a happy man even if he needs some meds will keep you AND himself happy.

Good Luck and God Bless

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NewBranch:
<strong>P.S. they do not have Viagra though. I've asked!
LouLou</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forgot to address this one:

Look for "generic Viagra" on the internet. A number of site offer it (mostly Europe) and they mail order it. It's the same thing as Viagra and can cost 1/4 to 1/10 what brand name Viagra costs.

You have to know how to take it. I take a 100 mg, cut it in two, Take 1/2 and then an hour later take the other. Also take on an EMPTY stomach. Chase it down with grapefruit juice or Welches Grape Juice. Both disable an enzyme the liver produces. That enzyme removes Viagra and it's effects too soon. Sometimes when I do the juices the Viagra is still working the next morning and sometimes the whole next day.

Yeah!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Monty:
<strong> If a man can do it but is depressed, even Viagra won't help. So best to keep him emotionally happy..........

..........Chances are a happy man even if he needs some meds will keep you AND himself happy.

Good Luck and God Bless</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Monty,
Thank you for including these two sentences. Both point out that there is emotional stability needed to overcome ED.

I guess this site doesn't have a PM board? Monty, how about sending me the site or info where you order the generic viagra from?
If you don't want to put the info in the thread here, email me at Winningdove@aol.com. Please. thank you.
My H has the androgel, I guess it's the 1% but didn't do much good. Perhaps the 2% when avialable might work? Some of the treatments he'd probably die first. LOL Like penile injections, etc. the inflatable pump he hasn't even considered.
Well, maybe he just needs a new woman? Um, that didn't seem to work either but I think maybe he was testing it to see.
Monty, you sound like you're not in such bad shape after all! He took viagra and never lasted until next morning!%0 MG too. So you're blood supply must be alot stronger. He is a heavy smoker for many, many years so perhaps the nerve damage is already done!
I copied your info from post on how to take the one you mentioned with juices, etc.
Tell me, did you ever experience the blue vision I think it's called? or headaches from it? I've heard if taken too strong it will cause terrible headaches and a visual problem that passes shortly.
P.S. How do I change the thread intro? Can you tell me 2ndfiddle? Or do I have to start a whole new one? LouLou

I saw your request so I am here. Certainly ED is real. I am 56 and for the past two years I have utilized an over the counter pill called Uroprin that has been really fantastic for me. My girlfriend is very happy also. It is funny but my male friends constantly joke in front of other people that I am pretty sad person because I need a pill to make love to my beautiful model girlfriend. I suspect that they are jealous and probably have problems of their own. I freely talk about it. I believe in using technology to make things better.
In the past I was embarrased to initiate for fear of failure. It is ironic that the male friends who joke about it in front of mixed company later everyone of them have asked me the name of the pill I take. I feel sorry for men who do not take advantage of modern technology. It is a shame that they let their pride stop them from enjoying a happy sex life. There are just my thoughts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NewBranch:
<strong>

My H has the androgel, I guess it's the 1% but didn't do much good. Perhaps the 2% when avialable might work? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still don't have any libido, even with high testosterone levels. But yet during the separation, I dated my wife (no sex)and when I held my W close I started to get erections without any physical stimulation. I can only conclude that in my case the lack of libido is a psychology in nature and probably due to my depression over my W's A. I have had many anxiety attacks, including in my sleep when visions of my W performing a sex act on the OM pop into my head. I try not to think about it but it just happens. This does emotional damage too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>

Tell me, did you ever experience the blue vision I think it's called? or headaches from it? I've heard if taken too strong it will cause terrible headaches and a visual problem that passes shortly.
LouLou</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, the first few times I took it I had severe vision problem. Very blue, had palpitations and my head felt like it was pounding. I don't get that any more with anyone. The only symptom I get now is a severe sinus stuffyness. Seem to close nasal passages for a few hours. I combat this with an over the counter nose spray. No other problems though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Monty:

Yes, the first few times I took it I had severe vision problem. Very blue, had palpitations and my head felt like it was pounding. <strong> I don't get that any more with anyone. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That should have read. <strong> I don't get like that any more with any dosage. (25, 50 or 100 mg)</strong>

I was really sleepy when I wrote that. Also wanted to add that lights also were glaring and very bright when I used to take Viagra. This only happens slightly now. My father and cousin won't take it because they can't even drive for a while because of the vision problems. Everyone is different.

i have a few questions about the viagra. my hubby, god bless him, even though he didnt have any problems thought this would make it better and got a prescription from our doc to try. he had no problems. i hated the idea, but i let him try it.(like i coulda stopped him. lol) but i did tell him it scared me and didnt want to use it anymore. personally, for me it didnt make any difference in the sex for me, like i said he had no probs to begin with.

then i found out that during his affair he used it with ow. he said it made the orgasms unbelievable. (like i needed to hear that.) now i am wondering if it is true or if he had some problems with her? any thoughts on this from guys who have used it i would really appreciate.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NewBranch:
<strong>
P.S. How do I change the thread intro? Can you tell me 2ndfiddle? Or do I have to start a whole new one? LouLou</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lady Lou would have to do that by editing her first post.