Struggling,
You don't have a clue do you? Of all of the people on this planet, THE ONE person you should be reaching out to, to help you regain your emotional, spiritual, and marital balance, is your H. Well, it doesn't hurt to pray alot as well.
You may not realize this, but your H is NOT there just for your pleasure. He is not there just to have sex with or share children with. He is there "for better or worse, in sickness and health". That is why he took that vow, before your family, his family, and God. Have you realized why the Bible spends as much time as it does on cases of infidelity, forgiveness, and personal responsibility?? Because life is full of temptations.
That is why the marriage vows are not just promises to make the other person happy. It was known then, and it is known now that people become tempted, that life is not always as we plan, that life can be very rough, and the one person that you should and can lean on is your spouse.
The thoughts of Dr. Harley, and those around here are in tone with those vows. "Radical Honesty" with your H and the use of the POJA to acheive the 4 rules of a marriage.
You stated something else I thought I might respond to. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">-I think that it is the attention and the rush of someone showing you attention. I am trying to communicate this in subtle ways to my husband...that even though we are comfortable...I still need that special attention from him...it still makes my heart flutter when he does something special for me because of his love for me...but it seems that it is so infrequent and I hate that. I try to show him what I need by modeling it and treating him that way. But he is not a man who requires a great deal of attention, so it is not that big of a deal to him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear lady please go get His Needs Her Needs by Harley. It was written for YOU. Harley observed after many years of practice that people often try to meet the other person's needs as they themselves would like them met. It does seem to work well. Because the person doing it often doesn't receive the gifts as they were intended. You may not realize this but your H may be doing the same for you, but you don't recognize it as meeting YOUR needs.
The odds are high you don't know your H's needs and more specifically how he wants them met. It is obvious that your H doesn't know your needs and if he does, he doesn't know how you want them met. Get the book, do the questionaires, and talk with your H. You both need to learn some things.
Have you noticed I haven't said anything about your A with OM? There is a reason. If and when you open up to your H, and educate yourself about needs and hopefully get your H to do the same, the OM will be easily dealt with. There will be withdrawal, but your H can help you through that. Many BS's have done that for their wayward spouses. It is not easy but they have done it.
You need help, you cannot do this alone, and help is right in your home and your library or bookstore.
Please consider what I have said.
God Bless,
JL
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Please don't think I am blaming him for my inadequacies...it is not his fault...I just keep trying to communicate my needs in direct and indirect ways, but he doesn't seem to get it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
