Lor,
Remorse, I don't know. Restitution, not as much as I'd like. Reassurance, enough. But, there's not much I can do to change any of that. I wish he'd feel more remorse, more restitution, but I can't make him do it. Accountability - I can access his cell phone while he's home. How would I check the history on it? He knows he needs to call me if he's late, and he's been good about that.
He doesn't think of it as an affair, just "a woman he slept with a couple of times". I don't think he was necessarily emotionally attached to her. He was drunk when he slept with her, and didn't choose her
above me. He was only with her when I was thousands of miles away.
I was not SHOCKED when I learned of the affair. We were doing so many things to hurt each other, this was just one more thing.
I'm fairly confident of where I am right now, only fearing for the future of when things will again be imperfect.
Mulan, he is considering my feelings. The reason he still had contact is because he didn't realize it would hurt me. He's convinced himself that this infidelity is history, and he can go on as if it never happened.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope is not enough to keep a marriage alive. You are placing your naked beating heart in his hands and hoping he doesn't toss it in the gutter.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not. I'm listening carefully to what he says, watching what he does, asking for what I need. I am trying to be prepared to leave at any point if I don't like what I find.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't let him keep acting this way.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can't change how he acts, only how I respond to it.
The OW was aware from the start that the reason he slept with her is because he felt unloved by me. He told me last night that she said "I could be the best thing that ever happened to your marriage." We're not sure what that means.
He has no problems with me contacting her. He says "You would probably get along fine." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
MelodyLane, thank you for sharing Dr. Harley's wisdom. What I need to know is that there is still some room for my marriage to succeed without my husband agreeing with everything Dr. Harley says.
