Its been awhile since I posted, but I thought I would give a little update and seek some advice.

My XGF is away on the east coast meeting with her BF. They had hooked up once before near here a few weeks ago as well. We still live together like room mates. Shes upstairs in the master bedroom and Im down stairs in what amounts to an office.

Since shes been gone which has been about a week, I moved up into the master bedroom again. I realy enjoy it up there. Its comfortable. I asked her about moving up there while she was gone and she said "no worries".

Since last Monday, I met someone who I realy like. We have dated twice and she is everything I would hope for in a companion. The trouble is, I still have an emotional attachment to my XGF and it just doenst seem fair to my new companion to let our new relationship go to far.

Im concerned that when my XGF returns from her trip, that a reconciliation is still possible, even after all this, and I know that I would very likly be open to trying again.

Im going to tell my new GF this as well. We are going on a date today. Initialy I had intended to bring her here to my house, but my other roommate suggested I not do that out of respect for everyone. I agreed that it was probably not rigtht because if confronted with the question by my XGF, did you invite your new GF here while I was gone?, I want the answer to be no.

My XGF does not know I have found a new GF. I havnt communicated that to her and this is where my dilema is rooted. I dont want to tell her, because I still have feelings for her, so I know I must tell my new GF that as well.

I still feel like an idiot for hanging on to this hope. I still feel like doing a plan A and just let the chips fall where they may and yet Im afraid that this way of living is going to last a long time and continue to impact any new relationships that may come my way.

My roommate feels there is hope still. She rationalizes it this way. "If she were done with you, she would have moved out by now." Plus when I ask my X if shes is done, which I have done on several occaisions, she says, "I dont know what I want right now".

Which leaves the decision up to me, and I have deiceded to hang with it. I just dont know how long I can hang before I get so frustrated with the situation that I do something stupid.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eric Anderson:
<strong> ......Which leaves the decision up to me, and I have deiceded to hang with it. I just dont know how long I can hang before I get so frustrated with the situation that I do something stupid. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Eric,

Why are you creating more chaos by bringing in another body in the the already complex situation? Is this a 3's company show?

U are not married, no legal or moral commitment. She has already proven she is not to be trusted and you are wondering if there is hope?

What actions of her's right now are giving you hope?

I understand your feelings are all confused right now but don't let that stop you from cleaning up your life. Please RESPECT YOURSELF!

Think: Why would any woman like a man who is willing to be a doormat to badness? Ok, some demented women like that but would you want to be married to those kinds of women?

You are in a good spot to move forward. Put this drama out of your life and learn what it is really like to have a good person in your life.

Trust me, you don't want to be dealing with this kind of emotional baggage after you are married. Read the stories here, they are full of pain. Our options are not as good as yours.

This straight talk is being sent in an effort to save you from further pain.

Hope it helps,
L.

Orchid, thank you for your response. WHat occured to me is, even though we never made a vow of marriage, we still loved each other. And I still love her. Thats my problem. I cant seem to break my love for her.

Today she came back from her trip. She called me while she was driving home. She made breakfast. We talked and hugged and cuddled. Things were getting a bit heavy, and she said, "It can get complicated. What do you want from me?" I said, "I want you to come back."

I know. After everything that has been said, I feel like an idiot, but even though I say I want her back, which I do, if she agrees she wants that too, then I expect that we can negotiate on how our new relationship would be founded.

This morning, I was very slow to react to her, but I just couldnt help myself. The power was too strong and I reached out for her.

My real issue right now is to stop myself from reaching out to anyone else. I simply can not commit to any other relationships in any way other than on a friendship status.

Eric:

This confusion will go on so long as you let it. Your xGF is confused. She doesn't know what she wants. She does know that she can always count on you 2 be there for her, whether she's seeking comfort or someone 2 abuse emotionally.

The thing you need 2 do is get yourself in an emotionally healthy state of mind. Until you can be a secure YOU, you can't have a healthy relationship with your xGF, and you certainly shouldn't try 2 have another intimate relationship.

Get yourself on your own 2 emotional feet first thing.

best,
2long