Verbatim said, "I can't imagine that this could get worst." It can get one h*ll of a lot worse. Hop into the sack with him, and you will go from "Gosh, I can't sleep" to "Gosh, maybe I should stand in front of a freight train." DON'T DO GO TO BED WITH THIS GUY!

My advice about your H:

Be very simple and very clear that you are UNHAPPY and that something needs to be done NOW. Make sure he is aware that the M is in serious, serious trouble. Go to MC either with him or without him. You simply have to be firm and tell him over and over again that you are unhappy until he hears you.

You say that you can't understand why a married man would risk his family for an A. OP is rarely a three horned monster from the Black Lagoon. OP is usually a nice person who is as confused and unhappy as you. Like you, he is more interested in creating a little fantasy and fun in an imaginary world rather than deal with the realities at home.

It's not your business to understand.

Protect the W. The most effective thing to do would be to tell the W. YES, A LOT OF PAIN, but the pain is worse the longer it goes on. And it sounds like you recognize that you aren't strong enough to not see him again.

When I called Harley's radio program three weeks after the first kiss (I didn't know it at the time, of course), Harley told me to call the woman's H because I felt uneasy about the so-called friendship. My H said he wouldn't call her if I didn't call her H. I respected his wishes.

He is now sleeping in my son's room. We have spent thousands of dollars on counseling, and on Thursday I want to talk about separation.

The A is so much more hurtful than the abuse. As a BS, I wish I had known earlier. I went through months of feeling violated when we had sex. He kept assuring me "nothing happened."

And by the way he never had intercourse with her. To me, the violation was with the first passionate kiss. Because it went on so long (8 months), it got more physical (oral sex), but honestly it would have been easier to handle a shorter affair that included intercourse.

He told me once that he kept telling himself he wasn't having an affair because he wasn't having sex with her. Sounds like you're in the same boat. Is it really an affair if we're kissing?

Hey Verbatim,

And yet another opinion offered on your statement...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't understand why a married man with kids would risk that.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doesn't matter! You can't make that choice for him, only for yourself. Here's what I think: You owe it to YOURSELF to try again with your marriage or end it before you start a new relationship with someone else (who's not already married or partnered with someone). You will like YOURSELF a whole lot better as a result.

Trust me on this one...

Don't be like others where you find yourself way down a very nasty road thinking: How the heck did I get here? Small steps would be the answer. Sounds like you've been making them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I found myself attracted to someone... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Made the mistake of hooking up for dinner... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We shared several long sensual kisses... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We have kept in touch over past several weeks... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think of YOURSELF not OM and you can make the right decision, the one that respects your own integrity. It is clear you are someone with integrity or you wouldn't already be questioning your actions.

I am sure that we all have some advice that is worth listening to, for me the attraction was stronger than the "good" advice. My affair with OW started when I started to think about how I was going to talk to her, how I did little things for her at the gym and she for me. I always thought that physical meant just that and my emotions were seperate. That the emotions were a "girl thing" and since I could ignore my emotions I would not be "caught" in them. It was all so very exciting and I was totaly devastated when OW said "I can't do this any more" and finally it was " we shouldn't talk on the phone or e-mail" and I found myself in an emotional heap and worse yet my S is an even worse condition, after all she missed all the fun and excitement and she is left with is me. The remarkable thing is she still wants me!

Your right, the attraction alone keeps you from thinking straight. I know the last time I saw OM I tried to find things wrong with his looks, personality and actions to make myself unattracted to him. The kiss did me in, I became very weak and started to forget about his flaws. At least you had feelings for your OW, I think this guy is just after one thing from me and once he gets it, he will move on. After reading all the postings I really had a wake up call, I still plan to see him in 2 weeks, but to tell him that this must end now before it escalates too far for the both of us. I think that I am still in the early stages to keep from getting hurt any further. I can only say that I am so greatful for this website and so happy that me and the OW live so far away from each other and in different states.

DANGER, Will Robinson!!!

Verbatim:

"I know the last time I saw OM I tried to find things wrong with his looks, personality and actions to make myself unattracted to him."

Why not take a hard, long, piercing look deep in2 his soul, instead. And while you're at it, your own as well. There are a lot of "beautiful people" out there in this wide world of ours that are completely empty shells behind the facade.

"The kiss did me in, I became very weak and started to forget about his flaws."

The first step is 2 realize your weaknesses. Now that you've done that, you need 2 identify and take the next step.

"I think this guy is just after one thing from me and once he gets it, he will move on."

I think you're right and that he's after one thing. But I would bet he'll take it for as long as he can "get it", and only dump you when the A becomes "inconvenient" for him. Not much of a man, is he?

"After reading all the postings I really had a wake up call, I still plan to see him in 2 weeks, but to tell him that this must end now before it escalates too far for the both of us."

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!! Don't be a FOOL, Verbatim. Tell your H, and let him help you find the strength 2 cut this Rat Bass Turd off IMMEDIATELY. And do it without ever speaking to him or seeing him in person ever again. You've already told us that you're weak. You'll wind up under this guy if you go see him in 2 weeks.

"I think that I am still in the early stages to keep from getting hurt any further."

Huh? What does this mean?

All my best regards,
-2long