Ok thanks for responding I thought you all forgot about ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I am so happy to here everyones Thanksing was good and healthy .
Well nothing going on things are good , very good .Theres been no fights and I really have been trusting more and alot of that has to do with H , he has been doing more , I don't know how to explain it , but I shut up and he PUT up LOL .
Theres been so many things that where going in the way of triggers (ex. snow removal he use to see her & he had to go to COURT for violations for company and we all know the COURT trigger)
So with out me saying it that I was starting to have them H started COMBAT LOL .
Before I knew it he was showing me and talking to me in away that I could see he KNEW that these would be triggers (never said it just took charge)
Snow removal he went and kept in contact with me first by radio and then from office when he would take a break so I could see the line he called from . He also found others to do the work so he didn't stay away long in the day time on saturday. In the night he did explain he would be gone longer cause after the snow stoped they had to do the final clean up . HE again stayed in contake at one point put me on speaker just so I could listen to him shoval and chat with the guy he worked with LOL
The court thing well I saw the paper work and all memos addressed to him from his boss that he was the one to go to court . Also he called boss over the wekend in front of me so I could here the convo about the violations to the company .
The greatest part is I never asked or said any of my fears out loud ! He took this all apoun himself . He did it all very normal , not ever saying that he was doing it to make me feel calm , it was just the unspoken communication that came into play it was great and I had to finnaly say something last night ,I just said thank you I love you it meant alot to me all weekend and for today with court .
He said, I am happy to make you happy . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
This morning I thought alot about TRIGGERS , fear, and what normal is and recovery .
I came to understand the reason why I think recovey is so different for each of us .
If CONTACT is continued (like mine was) in your everyday life and for so long , that became my NORMAL .
So now everyday life is weird always expecting that phone to ring and him to see her.
when the contact was your life that leads to EVERYDAY TRIGGERS ! There is no just trigger on a day or a date of the month ,,the trigger for me is every movement that he did anything.
So getting back to normal life itself was a TRIGGER !
I don't know if I am explaining this well , I just understand now that there was/is no way for my H to really show me any thing else . It would be impossiable .Except for what he is already doing .
I have to put OW and the A out to DIE !
His remorse is there , he is accountable very , and he is showing his love for me . WHATS done is done and he can't take it back and I can't change the way I handled things (allowing the contact for so long) .
I am going to start a new thread about this TRIGGER thing for those who have ongoing contact and how it is very hard for recovery .
Talk soon ! MM SO very happy about your son !
TO4T - independance is great , life is to short not to go to key west LOL ,And HOLD on women TRIGGERS come and go but your H is THERE !
