</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think you ought to call the Harleys and get professional advice about telling your wife. She is pregnant, and the last thing she needs is strong negative shocks like this one -- in my opinion. Maybe it's the best thing to do -- I just don't know.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I tend to agree with, AM. While it goes against the Harley principle of Radical Honesty, perhaps you should not tell your W. At least right now.

Consider this for a moment, your W is about to have a baby. She suspects nothing about OW. While it's certainly stressful, this should be one of the most joyous occasions in your marriage.

Personally, if it were me, I would rather not know. And if I were to be told or find out through third party, I would probably analyze the situation and after the anger has passed, reconcile myself to the situation that 1) My H made a mistake, 2) He's learned from his mistake 3) He's going above and beyond to meet my EN's. 4) He made a choice to end the A and recommit himself to the marriage.

Regardless of what you do, you need to unconditionally meet your wife's EN's right now and every day while married. Acknowledge that perhaps you haven't been there for her these past few months. Let her know that you will always be there for her and your child every day moving forward.

Good Luck.

bump

Stung, I hope your WH does read this. If your reading this, or for anyone else going through this in any way shape or form, have them take the time to read my post. Everything I've said has been 100% true and honest. I almost through away everything I have worked my whole life for and in the end, I can see that had left for the OW, I would have eventually regretted it.

Blondblossom, I've always been one to question things, sometimes too much but I got wrapped up in this mess with the OW and just started believing everything. Well, I know everyone has been speaking about NC but we had contact last night and some today over email. When I asked the question "do you have hopes of me leaving my wife for you?". The OW flew off the handle. I know she has hopes of it but she got so defensive so quick it was amazing. She started with this "why so many questions" crap. The way I figure it, I start asking questions and either she has to lie to me or maybe come clean about things she's afraid I won't want to hear. Like I said earlier, I've learned a lot in the last day or so. She's got a past that she's trying to hide from me... I think.

So, there's kind of my update for now. I'm actually going to continue to update this because I'm beginning to see how my story might help someone else out that's in a similar situation. If there's anyone reading this that is in my OW's shoes.... do everyone a favor and stop the whole thing because you won't win. Maybe you get the person but it won't last. It's fantasy land. It's not real. It's a bubble world. If there's anyone in my shoes... GET OUT NOW. It's hell and it will rip you apart and ruin your life. I've only been in this for 6 weeks now and it's already affected my friendship with my best friends, my home life, my grad school, and my job. It's not to late for me to correct these things and I've already started but if I were to go forward with this much longer, it would ruin my entire life.

On the other hand, given OW's rage it may be that she will call your wife anyway. Why don't you call Harleys on this one?

Fighter

Thanks God that the fog has burned up.
I look forward to reading about the recovery of your marriage.

Beau

Fighter,

Do not post much, but wish you would clarify what the ow is saying.

From what you said, ow said she wants you and doesn't care if she crushes you to have what she wants.

Who she will crush will be your wife, and your unborn child. I am extremely worried about your wife. First trimester in pregnancy is very fragile. I am worried that if ow tries to get her way and tells your wife, your wife may miscarry. That is a whole different can of worms that will be opened.

Does ow know where you live? Does she know your home phone #?

I suggest that you call Harley's to see how to deal with this.

Your wife is in a very fragile state, trusting in you and your ability to support her in her pregnancy. You will be the provider. Your wife has jumped off the cliff and is trusting you 100% to be there because this is something that you both wanted. Or is it? Did you want this pregnancy? See, the thing with women is that they carry the child and are dependent. It takes a lot of trust to be there.

You have broken that trust. You are still in contact with ow. What has ow really threatened? Are you telling the whole story?

I am very worried, and am praying for your wife and unborn child. Do you realize what you are doing?

For the love of God, please do what you can to protect your wife and unborn child.

Truth, Fighter. What else has ow said to you to let you know who she really is? You said she is evil. Why? Time for the truth. To all at MB. We are here to help.

Think long and hard before you make any decisions. This is about you and your insecurities and doubts. This is not about your wife, this about you and ow selfishness, and I believe that your ow cares not one iota for your wife or child.

ow does not want children for awhile. What does she think about pregnant wife? Does she have any remorse whatsoever? Or is it all about her and what she wants? Tell the truth.

Sorry for the 2x4. Bonk bonk bonk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

If he doesn't tell his wife now - how is she supposed to be tested for STD's that could possibly harm the unborn child?

Call the Harley's now:
Call toll-free 1 (888) 639-1639

Edited to add the phone number.

<small>[ November 13, 2003, 09:55 AM: Message edited by: dazed blonde ]</small>

--bump-- would like to see more dialogue on this subject.

Thanks all!

Do you think this is a good post to show to a WW who is dead set on a divorce?

fighter,

Are you okay?

You have had a lot of great responses from a lot of great people here.

Please update. We care.

Prayers for you and family.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

fighter, how are you? What's happening in your life right now??? Give us an update, please.

fighter12,

last call from Miss M, who cares, as all of us whom have responded to you.

Praying for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hey all,

Thank you everyone for your concerns. I'm here and fine. I should have posted Thursday and let everyone know but me and 2 others headed to Chicago for the weekend to see a buddy we grew up with. We've had it planned for months. Guys bonding weekend!! We just got home a few hours ago. Everything is good here and I feel great, especially now that I've opened my eyes to this whole situation. Things are good at home too. I have to run for now becuase I'm way behind on grad school work but I will update everyone soon.

fighter, glad you are back. Going with friends to Chicago is great! Will look tomorrow for your update and thoughts.

God bless

^^bumpity bump bump^^
Fighter, wassupppp??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fighter12:
I've known this other woman for just over a month and if I was single right now, we'd be engaged by Christmas and probably married within months</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then, you'd get married and in a while she'll be 3 months pregnant.............

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fighter12:
So how do I get myself to do what's right before I ruin a lot of peoples lives?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Easy!
Rub & massage you wife back and legs, cuddle her and caress (list is very long) &#8211; o, God, she'll make you a FATHER!
Think of that little life in her womb&#8230; plan laughing with them and raising them with your wife to become decent person&#8230;

And please, don&#8217;t confuse words (yes, just words) for 'soul-mate'&#8217; and (raw sexual) passion / illusion&#8230;

Yes please, give us an update.

Have you had contact with OW?

If not, have you written NC letter?

Well, it's been a while since I've given in update. As I mentioned Sunday, I've been pretty busy and I guess I haven't updated because there really hasn't been much to talk about. I've still been in contact with the OW but it's been mainly email. A couple of short phone calls but nothing much. There's was a lot of anger, being upset, etc on her end. I'm not concerned about her doing anything drastic. She's calming down as time goes on so that's good. See, the situation gets a bit tougher because we have friends in common so I'm trying to keep things civil. So far so good. I know a lot of people think I should be writing the NC letter but I think I'm doing the right thing by letting this one go slowly. We'll see. I'd like some comments on this from people that have been through this.

I think I may have said something along these lines before but I know now what got me into this. It was an escape from reality. My job is hell right now and I'm worried about supporting myself, my wife, and child. The OW was this fantasy land where none of those difficult situations existed. I've actually talked to a friend of mine who went through this same thing 9 years ago. He actually told me from the beginning what I was doing but I didn't listen. He was right.

So, I have a completely clear mind now and everything is getting awesome at home. I'm so excited for our baby to be born. We heard the heart beat for the first time yesterday! Like I said before, if anything good came out of this it is that it opened my eyes to what I have at home and how lucky I am. My soulmate's been living in this house with me for over 3 years!

Great to hear from you, fighter. I was beginning to worry.

Are you planning to continue having social contact with OW or do you just mean that when it's over you don't want her bad-mouthing you and stuff. Do your common friends know of A?