Perhaps I should change my moniker to "Seldom Scene"?

I have been doing very well. My relationship with my sweetie of over 14 months now is wonderful. She has helped me realize how much better off I have become.

Some of you old timers may recall how I described the antics of OM's XW. Since d-day, she has been on the attack and has been a constant burr under the saddle for WS/OM, who have been married for over a year now. I tried to steer her to MB and counseling, but to no avail. I knew that her actions gave the WSs an excuse for their choices, but there was nothing I could do to convince her of that, so I just separated myself from all three of them. Once in a while, OM's XW would try to contact me with whatever dirt she was digging up, but I never participated in her "activities." The WSs have 50/50 custody of the two youngest children, both 15 now. We were all very good friends before the affair.

Yesterday, there was a message on my answering machine from my XW. She was informing me that she and OM had obtained a "Restraining Order" on OM's XW - ostensibly for her continued harrassment of them. My XW directed that if OM's XW came near my son while he was in my custody that I am to immeditely "call 911."

Well.

Here's the text of the message I sent to both XW and OM today: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><XW/OM> - On Nov. 11, I received <XW's> voice message announcing the "restraining Order" issued against <OM's XW>. She did not explain the details. <XW> stated in her message that if <OM's XW> attempts to approach <son> that I should "call 911."

I will do nothing of the sort.

You will not draw me into your cess pool and I will not cast <OM's XW> as the villain in your crime. When <son> is with me he is in a stable, safe environment and I will determine when I need any help, regardless of any Order. I am above this fray and I refuse to participate in this huge mess that is of your own making. That said, I seriously considered having an Order issued against <OM> after his June 27 threat of violence against me, but I chose not to add any more drama to this sickening soap opera.

While I do not condone certain of <OM's XW's> actions (of those I am aware of), your success in obtaining a restraining Order is a good example of misdirected justice. <OM's XW> is not the problem - you are the problem. Her actions are the direct consequences of your decisions. What did you expect? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You emotionally raped me and <OM's XW> and did irreparable harm to the children - for you to now award yourselves victim status is grotesque. You two are entirely responsible for this mess and it’s unfortunate that <OM's XW's> behavior is giving you something to hide behind to rationalize YOUR abhorrent behavior. If any harm comes to <son> due to actions of <OM's XW>, I will hold you
two responsible.

That you felt it necessary to obtain an Order is clear indication that your home is neither a stable nor safe environment for <son>. Add to this OM’s propensity for violence and I have serious concerns about <son's> well being while in <XW's> custody. If he was younger or hadn’t already demonstrated the willingness to call me when needed, I would seek full custody.

<XW> also stated she would explain all of this to <son>. I can imagine what such an explanation will be - <OM's XW> is crazy and she caused all of this and you two are innocent victims. The depth of your denial is astounding. In time, <son> will process everything that has occurred and will arrive at the truth on his own. I don’t have to try to explain it. In the meantime, I will reinforce to <son> that our home is a safe refuge for him and he can call me anytime to escape any nasty situations that arise while with you. I suggest that if you two really have <son's> best interest in mind, that you would not attempt to
prevent him from spending all of his time with me, if he so chooses.

<WAT> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course, this will have no affect - but I do feel like I got something off my chest in sending it.

Good luck to you all. I'll disappear again now for a few months.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wow, that'll get them justifying left and right! But I bet it did feel good to send! Glad to hear you're doing well and have a wonderful companion!

Whoa!! I almost stood up and cheered when I read it, WAT! You made quick work of their gleeful little victim fantasy.

Glad to hear you and the GF are doing well and am very happy for you! Come back and see us more often. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dave,

You smooth talkin Som Mitch, you do know how to turn a phrase don't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am glad your life is going well, and that your GF is awakening you to the better things in life. I fully agree with what you sent those two fools, and I hope that it may make them back off with their nonsense.

I hope your son is doing well. Perhaps when I get in the neighborhood again, we can indeed tip one or two for old times sake. I would be my pleasure to by.

Glad you dropped by to say Hi!

God Bless,

JL

You da MAN WAT...

I'm not da man...but that's another post... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

continued blessings to you and yours...

ARK

I was just thinking of you earlier in the week, thinking if I didn't see you pop up here in the next few days I'd send you an e-mail.

Boy oh boy, some people just thrive on drama. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Good job saying "no thanks" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Glad to hear you're doin' fine without us, but we miss you around here! Take care!

LOVE LOVE LOVE your response!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

good to 'see' you WAT... had been wondering...

glad you are well...

Cali

WAT,

Don't know why you even waste your time to reply. I wouldn't. However I am just glad that you post here .... what ever bring you out again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

Thanks for the update WAT. I'm personally surprised that by the sounds of it, things haven't changed any, as far as the xW and OM are concerned. And from what I know of your story, perhaps it never will. I don't think they're capable of "getting it". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Kudos to you in your continued recovery. I'm hoping that in the next few months, I too, will be able to put a lot of the drama behind me as well. (April 13th is the trial date set for stbxH's child porn possession charge... I will be subpeonaed to testify. Ugh! I'm using it as a final closure for me. I hope it works! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'll email you with the update at that time... as well as in mid January... another court appearance vs. stbxH on violation of bail conditions. Damn... he tires me out).

Take care Dave... and keep us updated when you can.

Karen

My dear Shrek.... I mean WAT.... I mean Dave <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ,

So good to hear from you bro'. Funny how time heals the wounds we never thought would heal. I am glad you and your GF are doing well. Please let her know your extended MB family wishes you both lots of happiness.

That letter was a whip! Whether is shakes some sense into them or not, it helped you and that's the main thing. U done good with your son and I am sure he knows it. Might not always show it but he knows.

Sorry about OM's XW, she is still taking it quite hard. Maybe you can't fix her pain but maybe offer a way to have closure.

take care and don't be a stranger, ya' hear?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Aloha,
L.

I'm so glad to get a chance to say Hello and to wish you well.

I want you know that you and MELODY practically saved my life about a year ago. You guys kept me going.

GOD BLESS YOU!!

WAT:

If you keep 2rning up like this, Mel's going 2 want that 5 bucks from me after all! ...but she'll have 2 pry pretty hard, since you just said you're going away again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm so glad 2 hear that your new R is doing so well. I just hope that dealing with the antics of the xW and OM doesn't adversely affect your R. It could, so be careful, okay?

I liked your letter a lot. But I wonder if it will do any good. The fog may have set in permanently over at their house, and letters like that, while entirely justified, will simply reinforce their "victim" status. Drama, indeed.

-ol' 2long

WAT,

AWWWW,,don't disappear! We miss you here!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Great response! But somehow I'm afraid it'll go over their heads again.

I'm so happy to hear you are doing well and thriving!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Keep us updated!!

WAT-

I don't know, I think I have to offer a different a point of view. I am the BS in my marriage and was able to get the courts here to order 'No Contact' between my children and my STBXW's clients. The clients consist of students she teaches. She has had affairs with some of these students and she has left the children under their care without my permission. She admits that most of her clients are illegal immigrants and several have been in trouble with the law and most could be in trouble with the law if the INS actually had time to pursue the issue.

I think I showed how the clients were something of a danger to the children. Now I expect my STBXW to follow the court order and not permit contact between our kids and her clients. While I don't expect her to call 911, I expect she will remove them or the client from the situation immediately. I would also expect the same from the childrens' grandparents and friends they might be visiting. If these people can not follow the court order, I will choose not to permit them to have unsupervised visits with my children.

I don't know the entire situation between OM XW and your XW and OM but if there is a court order in effect, I think you need to respect the court order. I don't think you need to go as far as calling 911 though unless there is a danger. I think you could be in more trouble with the courts if you do not respect the court order.

Just my $0.02. This is a very touchy issue with me and obviously, my STBXW disagrees with my opinion.

HoFS

Hi Dave,

Enjoyed the letter immensely. I'm glad that you're doing well!

Dave,

Hope you check you replies. You do have a way with words.

Hope son is doing well. Was thinking of you all not long ago. Good news on you & GF.

For your XW.....well I made my opinion pretty clear about her a few yrs ago & guess what it has not changed since.....I still find it so hard to believe that someone who has lost one son would so........

oh well..........

I'm still not D; maybe after the 1st of the yr....we are well.......

Thanks for always being there.....when things were the darkest for me.........

Hi all - thanks for the greetings and well wishes. Even though I have not been around here much lately, and won't be able to be here very much in the near term, this place and my friends here are frequently on my mind. If Mel and I played a role in "saving" Mimi - all of you played a role in "saving" me.

I'm in long range planning to prepare my house to sell and obtain a live-aboard boat, retire 5 years from February, and go cruising with my sweetie as soon as I can get my son through college. I'll keep you posted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I appreciate and concur with the comments that my message to XW/OM will have none or possibly the opposite effect on them. So be it. I was not trying to change them. This is one of the earliest lessons I learned here at MB - I cannot change anybody, only myself. My intent was merely to communicate my feelings and that was successful. It doesn't matter to me whether they "heard" me or even read my message or will ever wake up. I heard me and you heard me. That was my only purpose.

HoFS - I believe your situation is entirely different than mine. You make a good argument that an Order can be necessary depending upon the threat. The Order I was describing is not against me, so there is nothing for me to honor and no way for me to violate it. My point was that an Order isn't necessary for me to protect my son from the "threat." If she attempts to inappropriately influence my son while he is in my custody, which I strongly doubt will occur, I can handle that - with or without an Order. I know from prior conversations with OM's XW that she desperately wants my son and her daughter to understand that she did not cause the breakup of our families - the story as told by the WSs and, unfortunately, reinforced by her (OM's XW) beligerence. I really feel for her. I thank my friends here at MB for helping me understand that I do not have to try to "convince" my son of the truth. If I continue to be the best Dad I can, and do the RIGHT things, he will understand on his own in time. Even if he doesn't ever want to believe his mother was capable of such acts, I still win - for I independently will have positively influenced his view of the world and he and I will have a strong relationship. Unlike OM's XW, I do not need to prove anything - thanks to what I learned here at MB. I am content knowing that I do not need to change anybody's view. Even if I wanted to, I cannot. The only thing I can do is enable others' views of ME to represent who I really am by being in my Plan A for life.

Thanks again,

Surely, her head will be spinning after reading that!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong> WAT:

If you keep 2rning up like this, Mel's going 2 want that 5 bucks from me after all! ...but she'll have 2 pry pretty hard, since you just said you're going away again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want my $5, you little miserboy!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />