Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
bump

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 430
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 430
(my first reply got eaten by the "bug" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )

I think that he didn't include you verbally, but mentally. This could be the right time. Everyone is right. Be gracious, lovely, inviting, but not too inviting. Let him know you're still there for him, but don't push. No LBing. Baby steps.

You can do this! Pray and think positively!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
Stung by a Bee,

Thank you again. I am both nervous about the meeting and elated/excited. I know, don't get my hopes up too much. (easier said than done).

I was going to try to get WH to sit down with me in a few weeks, so I can apologize for hitting him and also to let him know that I no longer wish to move forward with our D, but rather just legally separate or keep things as is for right now. Since this meeting next week is going to occur, does anyone agree with me that I should take the lead in the conversation and say what I had planned to say in a few weeks, OR should I hear WH out first on how it's going for him and how his A is affecting him now that she's living with him?

Anyone have any thoughts on this one? I will be praying and thinking positive about the upcoming meeting. And of course looking my finest.

Take care.
FF

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
When I was on my way to drop off the kids at WH house, he called my cell and said he was going to be 15 min. late gettin home, so arrive then and he apologized.

He called back a bit later and asked if I would mind if he was 20 min. late getting the kids home since he wanted to take them to a movie that would be longer than scheduled return time. Again, I said no problem, that's fine.

When I dropped them off, WH came out of his house to receive kids. He hasn't come out of his house during drop-off in 2 1/2 weeks or 5 times. This was another good sign. He told me thank you for being flexible with the movie tonight and that he appreciated it. I said no problem, have fun. He even let a little smile slip out. I haven't seen him smile in months.

Soooo So many people are telling me to be careful and not to get hopes up for our meeting next week BUT that is so hard to do when I see these good signs. I hope to God that I am not misinterpreting his reasons for wanting to talk or the content of what he wants to talk about. The next week will be very anxious for me. How do I get myself to settle/calm down and take things slowly when I am so excited to hear what he has to say? I know I have to prepare myself some how for the possibility that WH may just want to request another weeknight or 2 of visitation, so it eases his conscience. Any suggestions anyone????

Thanks,
FF

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
bump

Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 779
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 779
Dear FF:
I finally read your whole thread.

I appreciate that you consider me worthy of advice but please realize that I haven't been in your shoes so I'm just giving opinions and scenarios but I'm not speaking from experience. OK?

I think Pep has given you great advice, as usual, about hair highlighting or lowlighting that's popular now. Personally, I think blondes have more fun and would NEVER want to go darker! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Having something baking could be a real plus - banana bread, rolls, choc chip cookies....depending on how gracious you are feeling - you could even send the warm batch with him for the kids to enjoy. It could be bonus points if OW doesn't bake much - never know!

I think that you starting the convo with how sorry you are for the hitting episode is an excellent idea.

It gives you the upper hand in the tone of the conversation...."Before we begin, I would just like to express my deepest regrets....blah,blah,blah". It also paints you in a better light and could serve to knock him for a tiny loop. And if you are sorry, and regretful, then why wait to tell him. I think you'll feel better getting it off your chest and mind, too.

And I'm sorry, have you been to MC or not? But you might want to slip in somewhere in the conversation that you don't feel a divorce is what you want at this time because you cannot honestly say that you (as a couple) have tried your best to reconcile.

Pep said it best, baby steps. Avoid any and all LBs, create a little mystery, be the safe, loving person he will remember when the fog lifts!
DB

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally posted by foreverfaithful:

Soooo So many people are telling me to be careful and not to get hopes up for our meeting next week BUT that is so hard to do when I see these good signs.

Remember what your goal is for now. He is not ready for reconciliation, as you are. But you are "showing off" how wonderful you are, so he can miss you . And this still might require Plan B eventually, although not any time soon.

I hope to God that I am not misinterpreting his reasons for wanting to talk or the content of what he wants to talk about. The next week will be very anxious for me. How do I get myself to settle/calm down and take things slowly when I am so excited to hear what he has to say?

Remind yourself this is a very slow process. You don't want to train him to be a cake eater, but you do want to show him what he'll be missing should he leave you forever.

I know I have to prepare myself some how for the possibility that WH may just want to request another weeknight or 2 of visitation, so it eases his conscience. Any suggestions anyone????

Relax. This is just show and tell time. If you prepare yourself the wrong way emotionally, this could backfire.

Repeat your mantra:

show and tell

Pep

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
Dazed blonde,

I replied to your reply post in my direct post to you.

Pep,

Thanks, although I am a bit confused by your replies to those comments of mine. In a nut shell, besides relax, are you telling me to just begin our conversation by expressing my sincere apology for the hitting incident and then allow WH to begin with what he want to say?

Also, I will be doing the showing off w/highlighting, the oven baking and stuff.

Also, do you think I should have some of the conditions I would require from WH for his return written down or thought of before the meeting?

Thanks,
FF

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
bump

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
bumped to get Pepperbands attention.

FF

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by foreverfaithful:
<strong> bumped to get Pepperbands attention.

FF </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Huh?

Know what, I think you are going to be great!

Sure, be humble and apologige. Role model a real apology. Here's a skeleton apology .... fill in your details:

"I did this wrong thing. I was wrong to do this. I regret causing harm by my action(s). I recognize my weakness, and I am taking steps to make sure I am never weak in this way again. Please forgive me." ~~~~ the end. No groveling. Just an adult mature apology. End of story.

Then flirt. Do this flirting sideways. Let him catch you glancing at him with a smile, then when he sees you looking, look down for a second, then back at him with another little smile .... body language saying "Yeah, I was looking at you and admiring you. I got caught looking."

This is not going to be much more than an opportunity to show your goodness and your interest.

Don't expect much more than that. But, you will make an impression.

Keep the conversation light, unless he directs it into something he really wants to talk about.

Convey some attitude that you are holding s little mystery inside.

Be receptive more than expressive.

He needs to want to return to you .... so no chasing.

Don't lay all your cards out. Just peek at your cards. Play with yoiur cards. (This is my way of thinking/speaking , metaphores paint pictures in my head)

You might want to rush off .... after 30 minutes or so, because you have "an appointment". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
Got it Pep. Thanks. I will keep you informed.

FF

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
bump

Page 3 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,261 guests, and 81 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Emily01, apefruityouth, litchming, scrushe, Carolina Wilson
72,033 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,033
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0