foghorn, good to hear from you. I feel like today is a new day. I'm ready to be a human being again, and not the ultimate monster that I was last night.

I'm going to take a break from this website. I feel that I'm getting as addicted to this as my husband is to OW. It's not right to substitute one for the other. I need to focus on recovery.

For that I need to read books, do more for myself. Find myself. Husband said last night that he thinks that my only identity is related to him. I said, well yeah, you and the kids. I don't have an identity anymore.

So now I'm on a search for that person that I want to be. Hope this makes sense for everyone.

<small>[ December 05, 2003, 07:41 AM: Message edited by: Stung by a Bee ]</small>

Stung,

I have to apologize so very much. I'm the one who started this thread, but have been trying to cope with my impending anniversary date, and neglected to check for a response from you.

For this I'm sorry. I am glad that many other people were there for you. I'm also so sorry to hear how things have gone. I am feeling some of the same feelings you have been going through.

One in particular is I am also addicted to MB it seems. I think we feel this way because it brings some sort of comfort to us knowing that we can vent here and most or everyone on the site can relate to our sitch in some way, wether as a BS, WS or formers.

I also agree on waiting the 48 hours. I truly wish I had waited a bit b/4 filing for D, but I know WH would have filed if I hadn't.

The email after being revised was good. I was hoping as I was reading that you hadn't sent it yet. Like you felt after reading how my meeting went w/WH last week, my heart also sunk for you, and it scared me to think I may or may not end up in your shoes even IF (big IF) my WH decides to go N/C with OW.

It tells me I need to reflect upon myself and ask myself some ?'s I have been avoiding such as what if he does contact again, will I follow through on the D or not? and so forth.

I truely feel for you. I hope your WH comes to his senses while you and son are at hotel. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to remain calm and not LB, and I can understand how you couldn't. I did however learn on this past Wednesday when I had the chance to majorly LB, that just pausing yourself in time like a VCR and think about what to say before doing so. And when I did respond to WH, I just said 2 words, I'll check.. that's it for the time. I needed to get away from the sitch b/4 I would LB. I'm sure there will be many other times where it will be more difficult for me, but remember the old saying, BABY STEPS. I have also found my anger management classes to be very helpful in recognizing the bodily signs of when I'm about to explode, and it has also been very theraputic for me in the healing process of the betrayl. That might be something you would like to check into. Just contact the nearest mental health clinic and ask re: anger mangagement classes.

I may suggest you write or call or in person, sincerely apologize to your WH for your LB's, especially if he knows about the concept. This I feel will show him you're only human and it was a mistake to do so. But only do this if/when you are totally calmed down. Don't apologize if you won't really mean it at the time. My sincere apology to my WH for hitting him, and the reason for not expressing it until 2 1/2 mo. later (cuz I wasn't ready until now) made his eyes water, but no tears shed. He I believe felt my sincere remorse, and hopefully made him feel a bit of guilt that he has said sorry to me for things but not that sincerely.

Maybe this will at least open your WH mind/heart to that you are seriously sincere and committed.

I am rambling here, but I just don't know what else to say. I do have one more suggestion. You might possibly want to get both members; Faith1960 and JuJu to comment on your latest update. They along with Dazed Blonde have given me great advice and support. Thank you to them.

I hope you don't stay away from MB too long, especially if your off the anti- meds. You need a place to vent and this sounds like your only source at the moment. Keep posting and hang in there hon. If I was in front of you right now, you would have a hug from me..

Good luck and God Bless

FF

Stung,

I hope you're in a better place emotionally. What I see you doing is quite normal & healthy. You're going to work on your personal recovery. That's totally separate from marital recovery.

Whether you actually divorce or not you'll read where posters refer to "earning their divorce". What they mean by that is that you need to learn the "lessons of the affair", so that you don't take your wounded soul on to your next relationship.

Also with children involved I think it's important to exhaust every possibility to save the family/marriage.

What you're feeling is such a roller coaster. Up one minute in control; down the next out of control. Normal but not fun.

I hope you've been reading the Harley books, Surviving An Affair & His Needs Her Needs. In refering you to these books I'm thinking of you and your personal recovery. I don't think there can be a marital recovery without a personal recovery.

What you owe to yourself is peace of mind. Peace that you'll feel when you're 10 years down the road looking back at this time - knowing you did the very best you could.

Take very good care of yourself, it will help you stay in control and not LB. When I counseled with Steve Harley, his #1 rule was "Safety First NO LBing"! Without control in this area he says nothing else CAN work.

Blessings to you, CSue

I know exactly what you mean about needing a break, Stung. Even a good thing can be too much sometimes.

Here's to you... finding some knowledge in the books, pleasure in a totally unrelated activity, and overall, peace. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hmmm... as I typed that, I meant to suggest an activity that you enjoy on your own, but I was reminded of "recreational companionship" in MB. Perhaps a little more of that with your husband would go a long way, too... give you something else to think about, and maybe get some exercise while hopefully making some deposits into his Love Bank.

Good luck to you, I will be thinking about you!