LWH,
Ah a little conflict. Good! When she comes home tonight ask her if you doing things for her makes her mad? The reason I say this is that you don't want to make a disrespectful judgement, DJ. You see you may be assuming that may not be correct. It may not make her mad so much as make her feel guilty, and her guilt is showing as anger. If it makes her feel guilty, tell her why you are doing it. You want to make her happy, NOT guilty. You do want to change things around this home and yes you are doing to make her feel more comfortable. It helps you and it helps her.
Ask her for her ideas of alternatives, if what you are doing is making her feel really bad (POJA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).
You don't have to tell her what you are doing, but learn to talk, negotiate, see her side, validate her side, and take her side and see if something you both can live can be made of it. However, NO "yes But's". Agree, and then suggest, then listen, and suggest again.
LWH, given what you just posted you should be smiling (or at least as much as anyone in your situation) you cannot lose. So talk with her, ask her about OM, talk about him with her. But, do it as if you were her friend not her lover ( you want to be her friend first).
I am sure after so little time home she is really feeling the withdrawal, and the presence of the three people she has hurt. She probably feels and the kids are just waiting for her to screw up again. Be open, and be generous with your love, your honesty, and your care for her.
Admit freely that you are changing because you don't want to lose her. Admit freely that you have sought help, and are learning how to be a better H. Admit freely that you want her to stay. It will take some of the air out of her sails. She is looking for something to fight you on, something that MIGHT justify her leaving. She is hoping you will make the decision for her with your anger or LB's.
She in short is looking for the easy way. But, we know the easy way is often the hardest way, so make her do the work, but simply being there and being an open and graceful man. This doesn't mean you cannot set boundaries, but do so without LB's.
LWH, you have an addict on your hands, and it will take a level or relentless calm, focus on the prize, and huge amounts for forgiveness to get her through withdrawal. I would say RELENTLESS best describes in my mind what will be required.
Tough task, and it may not even work, BUT you will be the better man for it. Don't fight her, just show relentless patience, and love where you can. She will wear out punching that pillow, she is looking for a hard target to hit right now.
Hang in there LWH, this close combat stuff is tough. But I think you can win this war, if you are willing to lose a battle or two.
God Bless,
JL
