Hey Imp...

WOW! I have followed your posts for...well since it has started and I must say this comes as a suprise. I thought you stopped posting because you were moved out and had a new life but nope you stayed and persistance did pay off.

This is only the beginning though, move slowly and be careful not to lay on too much too quick. You have been through hell and back and a I give you a pat on the back for sticking it out.

I'm praying that it works out for you and please keep us posted with more happy thoughts this board could use feedback from people who've made it.

TakeCare...Toni

Well thank you guys for the kind words and all the wonderful support I recieved over the time I logged @ marriage builders. Since summer we have had some unbelievable rollercoaster manic times my wife and I. Manic because our highs have been high and our lows very low. The affair question. Well I have come to the conclusion that their was some type of relationship or friendship with a guy she worked with that was here temporarily over the summer. He was from Brasil and It started as he was visiting the guys next door, and he was playing skateboard with my 10 yr. old. Then one day we had babysitter issues and she said this guy was available and the kids liked him and how did I feel. I said whatever but when I came home early from work i was a little uneasy. Something about coming home from work and finding another man nurturing your kids. I mentioned to her how uncomfortable I felt about it and she exploded. So he became a sore subject. A time or two I came home and he was there fixing the computer. (Talent guy I guess) Anyway around the time he was going back I noticed a bunch of cut up pictures on the coffee table and my daughter that spent the summer with us said ooh wifey made a going away present for ..... A photo album.(How special) I went into my room and a rose was hanging on my wall I asked where did this come from my daughter said ..... gave me and the wife roses. So now I'm out of my mind wife comes home HUGE Argument. Everything was me OVERreacting. No big deal. Four days later after he's back home I call my house and her friend answers my phone and answer not with hello but this guys name twice like she was expecting a call. I said yes in my best Brazillian accent and my wife gets on the phone, what ever happened to 10 minutes? I said who was supposed to call in ten minutes she gets quiet and says oooh the phone company or some bullcrap. A week or two later I overhear on the phone asking about when he's coming back and I confront her and it's like it's none of your business who I talk to. Huge figth again. F U at the the top of my lungs, with all the venom and vinagar I could muster. The biggest of the them all was when I found a picture of her kissing on teh lips this same guy. Another picture of her hugging him. More pictures of her friend who is married kissing a guy. I did something I've never done in my entire life, I wanted to hit but I couldn't bring myself to put my hands on a woman so I spit. I spit in her face not once but twice. I was so ashamed and still am because it's a disgusting, vile thing to do to anybody but I was that upset. She explained everything away of course and before you knew it I was feeling like the jerk for overreacting and going overboard. Anyway in the mean time and in between time my wife had gone back and forth from being civil to the biggest itch I've ever seen in my entire life. Drinking became a daily thing. She admit she was slightly addicted to "Perkadan" and she did'nt want to married still but whenever she felt like it we would have GREAT sex, but nothing else. It was interesting a few months ago i came to the point where I said ok I would start looking for a apartment. Suddenly we had a wonderful relationship and we had sex 4 days in a row. (Weird). Then I found this same guys phone number and email address and I withdrew totally. Anyway it was the same B.S. since the summer until two nights ago. I came home and said let's have sex. She said sure whatever. Hurryu up and come so i can go to sleep. I felt so cheap. I woke up the next morning and said enough is enough she sat there for a half hour while i told her I won't live like this another day. I was moving out into a shelter and get my life together because I deserve better then the constant abuse I've endured for 607 days straight. I left the house resolved to never come back to live. For the first time she called me and said let's try. She wants to be married and she wants to give it a go. I told her I want o say no so bad because the last few months have made me very bitter. I told her and she admits she has done more hurtful negative in 20 months then i did in the 6 years previous. So at this point she has been very nice like a different person all of a sudden. We've slept in the same bed for the first time in about 12 months. She kisses me goodmorning and goodnight for the first time and we get along a lot better. I'm cautiosly optimistic. I'm not jumping off the deep end I'm taking things one step at a time and I'll see what happens. I won't tolerate another nasty outburst or the least bit of disrespect. I realize I can live with or without her so time will tell where this goes from here. She swears there was nothing between her and this guy other then friendship. I reallly don't care the past I can bury my concern is the future If i ever get as much a a inkling of anything I will walk out of this marriage without ever looking back. I feel vindicted to the extent that I've learned so much about love marriage responsibility, needs and so much more. If she loves and admire and respect me she can have the best husband in the world butr if she tries to pull any of the B.S. from the last 2 years this will be the shortest recovery in the history of M.B

God bless

Yow....not exactly the smooth reconciliation update I was hoping for, but I guess all is well that ends well.

An awful lot of lovebusting in there. I'm going to have to put you in the corner in timeout for spitting. That's pretty gross, dude.

It seems that you are in a good place right now, see if you can stay on track.

Well, I'm glad to hear that you are refusing to be a doormat any longer. I have to say that I would have not put up with sleeping on the couch for more than 1 week, tops! Perhaps, if she sees that you are wearing the pants now and if she knows you're not going to take her crap anymore, it will make her see the light.

IMO, you've put up with enough. She needs to get committed to this M or get the heck out.

Good luck to you!

I'm still slightly skeptical at he motives. We talked and she made clear that her #1 and #2 en's are financial security and physical attractiveness. I told her that Admiration is a huge one for me. It's been vey6 calm and peaceful for the last couple of days she says she feels a little weird when i kiss her good morning and kiss her good night and I kiss her when i drop her off at work she says the lovey dovey is going to take time she doesn't feel it or very sexual right now, but maybe it will come with time she says. My concern was that for so long i told her that she never even tried to save the marriage that she's just going through the motions in order to say well I tried. She gave me somewhat of a disclaimer like well don't be surprised if you don't like me or if it just doesn't work. I told her well you'll get out of it what your willing to put into it. I just don't want to put myself in a position that gets me blindsided by not so pure motives. But I'm back in the bed and we are collectively saying we're trying so I guess i should make the best out of it huh? Another lovebuster fo rher is my reading to far into things and taking things personal or over thinking and taking things to heart, hypersensitive sorta. I would be vey interested in some feedback from everyone, opinions greatly appreciated.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by impulsive:
Another lovebuster for her is my reading to far into things and taking things personal or over thinking and taking things to heart, hypersensitive sorta. I would be vey interested in some feedback from everyone, opinions greatly appreciated.

1. Don't do that stuff.
2. Work on the finances...even if there isn't iomprovement, FS is an EN where if at least visible effort is being made, I think the need gets met a little...it is like being ambitious gives them hope for the future, you know?
3. Work on the weight, workout, diet, etc. Same thought as above, the effort gets noticed, don't get discouraged about not meeting goals yet.
4. Don't lovebust.
5. No relationship talks. Give her some space, work on your Plan A, forget about your needs for now. Don't ask about sex, take it casually when it comes.
6. Oh yeah, here's a tip from Miss Manners. Don't spit on her. Ever. Again.

Really MikeC2, you think spitting is a lovebuster?? (just kidding)

Over these last few months, I've often wondered what was going on with you, impulsive. I believe you're right to be cautious here, but you should also be patient. A zero-tolerance policy is not the best policy.

I like Mike C2's advice, and I would add that now is an excellent time to get into counseling. Save your "relationship talks" for the counselor's office, and spend the rest of the time working on your wife's ENs. Assure her (and yourself) that it is quite reasonable to feel awkward right now, but by doing the right things long enough, those things will start to feel more natural.

From the beginning of your saga, impulsive, I've thought that your marriage had a better chance than a lot of the relationships we've heard about here on MB - if you would only be patient enough. I still think that.

Boy It's been a while, I mean 4 years or so but my saga continues. It's gotten worse, alot worse, but I'm probaly in as desparate of times as I ever been.