<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by impulsive:<BR><B>I usually stay gone as long as possible so she can not feel smothered or pressured.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You can't hang all over her. But being around with the right attitude is better than being away. So do things around the house with your kids. Shower them with attention. <P>Meanwhile, you need to get at the root of that nasty affair question. And the drinking. <P>Can you do it? Just getting this far is a <I>victory</I>. But don't listen to people who echo the call for you to withdraw. <P>

I woke up this morning and was looking for a pair of boxer shorts to wear. As I was going through the clean clothes bin I noticed my wife's purse at the bottom of the clothes bin. I looked in her purse and I found another credit card in my 4 yr. olds name. This time I confronted her. She of course wanted to know why I was going through her purse. I told her that I can care less about anything in her purse I;m concerned with this issue. She could not understand why I was to upset to even speak. When I came home finally there was a summons on the dining room table from a truck that was repossessed in her name while our business was not doing good about 4 yrs. ago. In big magic marker she left me a note that said THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH I AM SO SO VERY GLAD I MET YOU. Obviously sarcastic. I feel terrible about the past all I can do is repay the judgement. I had a emotional breakdown today and was lucky enough to make it to a friends house. I've come to the conclusion that I can't continue to put myself through this agony. I'm punishing myself for some reason. I've decided that it is time for me to move on with my life. I can't live like this anymore. My wife is no longer a option for me. My health is being affected here now. I haven't a clue as to what God has in store for me but it's not to contnue living like a peasant.

I URGE you to keep that card as evidence. I hate to say that... but like we suggested before you need to start gathering evidence in case the day comes that you want to fight for your children. Take that card and keep it somewhere safe. Also print out this whole thread as evidence in case something were to happen to the bulletin board (like a server crash that wipes out all the threads). DO IT NOW.<P>PLEASE!<BR>

Somehow my problems don't seem nearly as devestating or important in the wake of yesterdays attacks. <P>May God offer peace and comfort to the friends, families and love ones affected by this horrific act of cowardice.

Well things are back to that status quo. No fights, no sex, no affection. Just Good Morning, small talk about the World Trade Attack, and good night. She says little things that annoy the hell out of me, but I don't let it show. I need prayer right now. How long will things last like this? Until my love bank is totally empty? I would pay money just to kiss someone!(kidding) I haven't had a passionate kiss in over six months! I'm going nuts.

Impulsive,<P>I enjoyed reading all 45 pages of your thread--even though it did take me SEVERAL days to do so !! After many months of faithful & thoughtful input from so many other MB's, I am wondering how things have progressed for you and your WS since you last posted????<P>Please update those of us who have been following your heartache.

Impulsive/dcope,<P>Are you still hanging in there with Plan A????

Well things are in a very delicate place right now. My wife and I had actual intercourse this afternoon for the first time since May. We are in the same bed together but, I am executing a pretty discipline plan A. We had a relationship talk tonight after the sex for the first in a long time. She spoke very emotionally about the past and where it has her. I basically listened. Sh eis very hurt still oveer the mistakes and irresponsibility I displayed in the past. She said some very positive things about me though. She said that I made some tremendous changes and I'm very handsome and I'm a wonderful person but that she can't get past the past. We ahve been getting along very well lately. No lovebusting, I slacked off a little on working out because now my four yr. old just started playing hockey too now, so I'm at the rink 7 days a week it seems. Anyway I have learned so much about myself in the last few weeks that I just can't believe I was such a idiot for so long. She cuddles next to me as we sleep and we had some SF today but immediatelely afterwards she became very withdrawn and quiet. I asked her why and she explained that it was something she wish she had not done. She said she feels bad that she gave into her sexual need. She said she used to hate how in the past after sex I would act like all our problems would magically disappear with the orgasm. Anyway things are alot better but still not where they should be.

Do I initiate plan B even though I know it will kill my kids??????????

Hang in there everybody.

<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: Wilham2 ]</p>

Impy, you shouldn't be making life decisions from the opinions on this board.<p>Talk to a profesional.<p>I would note that you should do some thinking over whether this "limbo" is as damaging to your child as moving on would be, since he seems to be fraying under the current tension, even without overt fighting and arguing in the house.<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: Mike C2 ]</p>

Am I missing something?<p>What's going on Impulsive?

Hello everyone, Long time no hear from. Well I would be depressed in letting everyone know that not a thing has changed. We are still living in the same house. Sleeping in separate beds, and living separate lives. There is so much that has happened but it's really irrelevant at this point because I am happier then I have been in years. REALLY. I 've lost a ton of weight. My finances are turning around and I no longer want to be married either. I will eventually buy a house and move out but for now, we'll stay together for lack of financial ability to leap out on our own. I have no desire to be with her sexually or romantically. It took alot of hurtful things to get me to this point but she crossed the line one time to many. I'm sure she's involved with someone but I have'nt cared enough to get proof or specifics. Who cares? I wish her the best. When the time comes I will file or she will file and We will live happily ever after. It's funny how far I have come since that original post. How do I save my marriage? I'll tell you I knew she wasn't the women for me when she let me twist in the wind for 17 months and twist the dagger in my heart everytime she got half a chance. Well life goes on and I wish everyone well, I've been lurking and I'll never forget the people on this board that helped me through one of the most devestating times of my life.

Impulsive! I've often wondered about you and what had happened.<p>I'm sorry to hear that you are in the same predicament. I'm happy to hear that you've come to peace with the situation.<p>Are you going on with your life as well? I know that she is having other relationships, but are you? If you are, does she get jealous? What about the kids?<p>It is truly amazing that you are able to tolerate that situation. I'd be outta there even if I had to live on bread crumbs in a dumpy apartment. Seriously. However, if you are staying so that the kids don't have to live in a dumpy apartment with her... I understand completely.

PS... <p>are you still using Plan A even though you are now also in withdrawal?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by impulsive:
Well life goes on and I wish everyone well, I've been lurking and I'll never forget the people on this board that helped me through one of the most devestating times of my life.<p>Hi impy,<p>I've been thinking about you too. I'm sorry that things are headed in this direction. <p>One of the odd things about MB is that even sometimes when the end result is not a saved marriage, the MB program still serves an important and useful role....partly like lamaze breathing...giving people something to do while in pain....and partly like an eye-opening to their rotten spouse.<p>Hang in there and stay in touch.

I can't call it plan A because plan a is a concentrated effort with the ultimate goal of reaching recovery. I don't want to reach recovery with my wife. All I care about is my kids then me. Let me rephrase that. God, my kids, and then me. I feel so stupid for allowing myself to go through the garbage I went through over the last 16 months or so. It's amazing how someone can be showered with attention and a obvious desire to be a better father, husband and all around person, and all all the other person sees is weakness, and neediness. Whatever. Well as far as me seeing anybody else... No not yet I'm still being refurbished. I need to get a better grip on myself and finances, and emotional stability before I bring anyone else into my world. As far as the current wife I would'nt care if she pooped cupcakes, and pee'd lemonade I wouldn't spend another minute entertaining the thought of reconcilling. I think it was the constant rejection, and negativity that took the ultimate toll on my desire to keep my family together. The mental and emotional warfare she waged, and the basic ability to hurt me and enjoy watching me reel in pain made it clear to me that this is not the type of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. The amazing part is I'm sure she would start out being a wonderful wife to someone else. I take full responsibility for the pain and stress I caused her but, in retrospect I think her ability to quit and give up on me when I absolutely needed her more then any other time in my life is proof positive of a person that will give up on anybody that hits rock bottom, and doesn't have the bright future and infinite upside I once had. So it's a blessing! Knowing now that she is a quitter is a blessing rather then learning after I was paralyzed, or burned or disabled. Unconditional love is not wishy-washy. It's real. It's stable and it endures.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT RECOVERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tHE WIFE CALLED TODAY AND SAID SHE IS READY TO TRY TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE. We talked this morning and I was about to move out into a shelter if I had to because i reached my breaking point 608 days of absolute hell. I stopped posting a while ago because I have been in withdrawal for months now. We are going to give it a try and believe me people if we can come back from the brink of certain divorce anybody can. I'm going to do a needs assessment and slowly work in MB concepts to built a bulletproof, divorce proof marriage with the help of God. God answers prayers. Wish me blessings!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Impulsive:

I've only been coming to this board for a few weeks, so I hadn't your story before. I just did a quick breeze-through to catch the basics. Did you ever find out whether or not she was having an A? Was she using cocaine again? What role did her friend in rehab end up playing? And what makes you think that this time is going to be different than all the other times she's given you hope?

I think you haven't gotten much response to your post yesterday because I bet most of your followers are not watching the board as close as before. You've been going through the wringer for a long time. I sincerely hope you've been able to continue your own personal betterment and that your wife has finally had an awakening.

Good luck to you!