W mentioned to me that she thought our 8-year-old D may need to where a bra soon. She is basing this off the fact that many kids in the 5th grade are wearing them. <p>D is a tomboy and hates wearing anything that feels constricting. My thoughts are that D might not want to and may only wear it if forced to after a knockdown drag out battle. My thoughts are that forcing D to wear or do certain things may case rebellion later. <p>W feels she has the right to force D to do this and probably will not care if it is a POJA decision or not. Where should one drawn the line about young preteens wearing bras?<p>I don’t particularly want her bouncing around and getting a reputation of being loose or easy but I don’t want to hinder her being able to be an individual.<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: Promised Forever ]</p>

Scoot, I forget, how old is D again? I'm thinking 8 or 9, but seemed to be on the path to early adolescence, right? My D is 9.5, and will likely be a late bloomer, so I've not come across this yet.<p>Most girls are self-conscious enough when they start "budding" to NOT want to be bouncing and attracting attention. OTOH, early bloomers sometimes feel a bit odd for needing a bra (we've 1 in our girl scout troop like this). "Training bras" come in a variety of models, I think many are more camisole-like and not too confining, just offer a little extra camouflage --(judging by the outline thru tshirts), that's the type the early bloomer in our troop favors. <p>Assuming your wife is not trying to rush the issue, & is waiting till she starts to need a bra to get her one, I'd say don't borrow trouble. I doubt this will happen tommorrow, and there's a good chance that by the time D is to that point, she'll be ready to wear one. And, I think your D and wife will be able to find something that is "decent" but not too restricting. <p>Kathi<p>DUH, just re-read your post, where you start by saying D is 8. Oh well, my mind is going fast...<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: kam6318 ]</p>

Your daughter is 8 and in grade 5? Or is your wife thinking that since she will probably need to wear a bra in grade 5, that she may as well get used to wearing one now? <p>In my opinion....remembering back to when I started wearing a bra(which was in grade 7, by the way)and my experience as a mother, I think your wife would be unwise to force her. Often when you use your "rights as a parent" to insist that kids do something, it comes back to haunt you in the end. Unless your daughter is starting to develop...and I do realize the kids start earlier these days....I don't see what the big deal is. I think she should tell your daughter that when she's ready to wear a bra, that she would be more than happy to go out and buy her one. Let her enjoy being a child for as long as she can.

I am not a good judge because my D started having to wear a bra in 3rd grade yes 3rd grade. along with the bra came the montly at the age of nine...she is now 11 and is in a 36C and is 5'5" and is looking 18 or so. Scarry isn't it.

oops dbl post<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: Karenna ]</p>

This is simply hilarious, Scott! Doesn't she still have a baby monitor that sounds in your bedroom impeding SF? <p>And doesn't she go sleep with your 8 yo D every night in her bed until at least D falls asleep?<p>If not, when in the last four months did those procedures end?<p>Too funny. Remember I told you that your "baby" was prepubescent?<p>
I still haven't gotten big enough to need a bra. <p>After breastfeeding five babies for a total of 14 baby-years, being at least 20 pounds overweight, and a grandmother to boot, I must confess to wearing a padded one when necessary for dress up now and then.<p>I nearly took my mother's head off at age 11 when she wanted me to wear one in case someone could tell I had nipples.<p>IMO this isn't a matter of H-W POJA, but a matter of W-D POJA. Either that or wreck their relationship!<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: Karenna ]</p>

Karenna - [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] might I suggest bandaids for the nipple problem - and I admit I'm incredibly jealous of your flat chested figure - I've been wearing UNPADDED bras since I was 8 yrs old in non-figure flattering support sizes and styles!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Scott... if your daughter needs a bra -I might suggest a 'sports bra' style - just enough lycra to support - and just enough shape to allow for development - but none of the uncomfy hardware that comes with those hideous designs of yesteryear. If she does NOT need a bra - I would say you might need to pull rank - or at least when she balks at wearing one - support your daughter in this choice. My daughters were both early bloomers, and chose to wear bras in public - but both of them run around home without a bra at times. My younger daughter is still wearing those soft cotton camisoles instead of a bra in the summer time - but next summer may prove a bit different as she's beginning to blossom [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As for wife - might I suggest she 'GET A LIFE'???<p>Sorry - bad LB there - but it was the thought that came to mind. <p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Blessings,<p>Jan

eight is TOO young to wear a bra in my opinion. Maybe a camisole, maybe.
I think she could get teased for wearing a bra at that age, especially if she doesn't need it!

The bras that most young girls wear at first are little more then soft elastic fabric band. They are not as constrictive as real bra. If she needs anything that is all she needs.<p>What I did with my daughter, also a tomboy, is that I bought her a 'kids bra' when she was 10 and starting to bud. She wore ti when she wanted to. Now at 12 it has started to be too obvious. She actually needs a real bra. She wants to wear it for modesty a good part of the time. <p>I have found that you cannot force a kid to do much of anything. If she does not want to wear it she will take it off as soon as she gets to school. Or maybe even on the school bus. <p>Maybe you can let your wife do have her way, and let your daughter be the one who mellows her?

If she does not want to wear it she will take it off as soon as she gets to school. Or maybe even on the school bus.

Thanks now I feel better. This is my D we are talking about. <p>D is in 3rd grade but appears to be early at evrything. <p>
If not, when in the last four months did those procedures end?
Still in effect. Those darn Sony monitors last for ever. D does appear to be growing out of her bed wetting stage thank goodness. <p>I seldom lay down with D for very long anymore and W does that evry night now. <p>What's really scary is that she thinks D should be 16 before she knows anything about human sexuality. At least I won't be the only one forcing W to change.
As for wife - might I suggest she 'GET A LIFE'???
<p>Well I could keep her busy with some knew sexual positions. Where did I put that book [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm still not clear on whether your wife is actually planning to get D a bra soon, or simply "worrying aloud" that D may be needing one soon???<p>I had assumed it was more the latter...is she actually planning on getting one soon?

My comments are coming after having read your original post only. I haven't read through to see what everyone else says since I feel that I can give my opinion without having read them.
I am the mother of 3, count them, 3 daughters and 2 sons. My oldest daughter is 19 and my youngest almost 12. My youngest will only wear a bra occassionally. As a basic rule she doesn't want to wear one yet. She is just "budding" so there are times I say, YOU NEED TO HAVE A BRA ON IF YOU ARE LEAVING THE HOUSE IN THAT SHIRT. However, the rest of the time I don't worry about it. Why? First of all, peer pressure is more convincing then anything we as parents can say. She will wear one consistently when she is afraid her peer group will ridicule her for not wearing one. Second, I want to choose my battles. This is just too small right now for me to choose this as a "I'm gonna stick to my guns" battle. If she is "bouncing around" I might change my mind.
Is your daughter actually bouncing around? Because at 8 there just aren't that many kids who are...haha And I'm sorry but I don't consider 8 "preteen".
Just my thoughts on the subject. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] HUGS and have a good one..good luck with the W.

I began wearing a bra when I was about 8-9. I needed one. By the time I was in 8th grade I was in a D cup. My father wanted to buy a gun. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] (But that's another story).<p>More than anything I think that you should TALK TO THE CHILD and ask her what she wants. PLUS consider weather or not she actually needs one. Most bras for girls that age a like a camisole anyway. If she's athletic she might totally be into those cute and trendy sports bras. Problem solved.

My daughter is 6. She has left over undershirty things that have a band of elastic to make them bra length. When she runs out of her own undershirts occasionally, or in summer when she has a shorter top on, she occasionally wears them.<p>I honestly can't remember when my oldest daughter made the switch. My middle one needed to earlier, but again I don't remember when.<p>I think you may need to define "in the future" as Kathi suggests, and you need to define what your wife calls a bra, before you get all whooped up about this.<p>You may have a general problem in the horizon with your wife's parenting style. However, I wouldn't borrow trouble. Your whole family may experience many changes before then.<p>By the way, my niece is 8 and definety needs a bra because she has ballooned in weight in the last year. But another 8 year old I know, in 3rd grade, doesn't look and act much differently than my 6 year old daughter, at least on the ski slopes.

Hmm...may force wearing a bra but she still won't let your D go to sleep by herself? <p>My oldest started wearing the camisole-type bras around that age. A special shopping trip and I let her pick the ones we bought. She felt more grown up. I actually wanted her to wear them for another layer in winter and she was starting to balk over undershirts. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Youngest wears anything of her older sister's that she can fit into, including bras. She preferred the preteen sports bras to start...very athletically inclined.

I have to wonder just how this conversation went. <p>So how did you react to what your wife said? I can't imagine your wife announcing that your daughter will soon need a bra and she will force her to wear it.<p>Maybe you brought the subject up, you had different opinions and she started feeling defensive and that is were "the use of force" was introduced?<p>Everything does not relate to the past, but could it be your wife did not have an opportunity to have a bra when she thought she was ready? Or was she somehow embarrassed by not having one soon engough?<p>My childhood was a big piece of cake compared to your wife's, and I remember other girls having bras and I so desperately wanted one, but really didn't need one. I remember hating the locker room (sometime in grade school, don't remember when). Finally I got two old hand me downs from my cousin. Whew! It was a precious gift!<p>Maybe think of this issue from more than one perspective, OK?<p>[ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: FaithHopeLove ]</p>

Promised Forever,<p>Sorry, did not mean to make you feel worse. <p>I was once a pre-teen girl and have one now (12). So I know how some girls think. <p>RE: If she does not want to wear it she will take it off as soon as she gets to school. Or maybe even on the school bus. <p>Just to hopefully make you feel better... a girl can remove a bra without removing, or really ruffling any outer clothing. Just don't want you to have the wrong image.<p>Hey, my 12 year old did this once while watching football on TV with her brothers. She just slipped her arms into her over sized T-shirt and took it off. The darn thing was just not comfortable and I guess she could see no reason to put up with it. She did it very discretely. The boys did not even notice. I of course just about dropped my teeth. It takes girls a while to realize the heavy sexual innuendo people put on so much of this. Like D-12 says, “it's just an annoying piece of clothing. Geezzz mom. What’s the big deal?”

Have you heard about the statistical link between wearing a bra and breast cancer? Seems that free and loose is healthier and safer. Binding, blood flow, extra heat .. lots of things could affect the biology. <p>But even men can and do get breast cancer. Ingested toxins, warring hormones and a stressed immune system are the real culprits.<p>Why not just lose the baby monitor for her since W brought up D's developement?<p>That is hardcore sicko.

Karenna- re your first post, about the flat-top grandmotherly stuff. Have you ever considered doing comedy clubs?<p>By da way, I know a nice lady whose father died of breast cancer.

My daughter started wearing a bra sporadically in 2nd grade - she was 8 (late birthday) and sort of needed it. Periods started within a few weeks of her 9th birthday. <p>On the other hand, some of her 5th grade peers are still almost flat as a board. Some of those girls still don't need bras. <p>So, it all depends. And I have a suggestion for related reading for moms and daughters. American Girl has a book out called "The Care and Keeping Of Me" that is good. Comes highly recommended.