Lol yeah. I also like the fact he is desperately fishing for intel/reaction and amac is being very shruggy in response.

You didn't feel like delivering your war plan to him on a silver platter with a side of cake? You've gotten stronger and less reactive Amac when not interacting with him.

But do go dark, Amac. Or next time you'll fall for this bait.

I put the personal stuff in the letter because I believe OW will share it to WH. My first Plan B letter was pretty generic and I did not address the specific issues he had with our marriage, so thats why I did it there. Not for her, but for him. I want him to know that during the separation I have already implemented the life-style I know made us both happy before kids, and I now know how to do it with kids.

It would be a disaster work wise to change my number, and as we are both attorneys our contact info is available online through the state bar so he could always find away to contact me, unfortunately.

I knew it was him calling from the blocked number and purposely answered to just hang up. I thought that would be more effective. But, obviously not strong enough to delete the messages without a little peak. I will think about how to combat that.

Yes im glad he did too, shows more strength on his part. I want to call him again today, but how much more contact should I have with him?

I know WH's MO now. I think he was recording the messages he left me so he could play them for OW to try to convince her he was really done with me because she is in the least threatening to be done with him. The problem is WH has lied to her constantly (even more then he has lied to me) likely cheated on her, but still she continues. I dont know what will possibly make her stop.

Ok I will send the letter if best but I REALLY dont want to. I like that WH doesn't know how am I feeling right now and I think he is probably afraid that I will really be done with him if I listened to the messages. I think he is hoping I didn't listen to them and he can just us them for OW. Ugh this is all so ridiculous and crazy. I want out of this madness! And sending it today is bound to carry over to tomorrow when he can contact my lawyer.

Don't put it in there. It is completely unnecessary and waters down your message.


You might want to start letting your calls go right to voicemail if you can't recognize the #.


Don't combat that, but DO IT.

You are overthinking this. Just send it and move on.

amac, stop dithering and send that letter. You have the affair in a tizzy so you need to double down. Just do it. You should also save those voicemails as evidence in your divorce action if he tries to punish you.

Ok I changed it a bit more, it has been sent along with a picture of WH and I when I was pregnant and a wedding picture of us. Here is what I sent:

I talked to OWBH on Friday. It had been bothering me that maybe he didn�t know that your affair was ongoing so I felt he should know what I know. We both know of your continuing adultery, your dirty hotels, that you have been to WH�s apartment, your ridiculous tattoos. (WH with a tattoo!, lol)

I talked to your mom and brother for hours in July. They are such good people. They told me about your fake boobs, your attempted money extortions, how you never were this kind of person before. I will never understand why you as a mother of 2 young daughters were cruising chat rooms in the middle of the night and getting [censored] pics from random men. I don�t know you, or much about your life, but there is something wrong there.

WH�s family knows all this about you as well. They probably despise you more then I do. Of course they think you are to blame for all this, the same way your family blames WH. How either of you can look into the faces of your children doing what you are doing, is incomprehensible to me. I will never lie to my children about what has happened, or your role in destroying their family. You are, and will, be eternally hated by many. The nuclear explosion that your affair has caused has effected many lives. I invite you to look up the effect affairs have on children, their children�s children, and so on. What the two of you are doing will not just effect your daughters, DS and DD, but ALL of your progeny. Look it up for yourself, or ask WH about his family history as proof.

WH has changed so dramatically under the bad influence of your adulterous relationship. I don�t know this man. You are left with the absolute worst of him. But I am sure you know this and recognize that what he does with you he will also do to you, and has already. As he has acknowledged, he has lied to you even more then he has lied to me, and thats saying something. This is the nature of adultery. Ninety five percent of affairs fall apart in under 2 years because the traits that made them possible, dishonesty, selfishness, mistrust, lack of respect eventually poison the affair. This is what you face.

You will both continue to be these absolute worst versions of yourselves as long as you continue to have contact with one another. If I could be divorced this minute I would. I do not want to be attached in any way to this WH. But that doesn�t mean I dont hope, and will probably always hope that he finds the strength to be the man I thought I married. I love that man, the same way I love my children. I am fiercely loyal and will do anything for the people I love; including WH. I have withdrawn from him for my own sake, for our children, and his too actually, until you affair falls apart.

OWBH and I would choose our marriages, after everything that has happened, that in itself is a miracle. And shows something of the love that must have existed before all this.

As WH is aware, I will not communicate or see him until your filthy affair is over. He knows I still love him, and I know he loves me.

I am writing this to you for two reasons, one, so that you each know I will not let you get away with lies. I will continue to talk to OWBH and either of your families, and if needed, the children to correct any misinformation you provide. Its not out of malice, its not to bad mouth or ridicule. Its because honesty is the solution to lies; to have lives based on radical honesty. Don�t bother wasting time/money with the restraining order threats. You and I both know that I am the only one who will benefit because it will give me a public forum in which to air the sordid details of your affair with my husband. I would happy to do so, but imagine the embarrassment for WH to have lawyers and Judges he knows hear all of the disgusting things you have been up to. You are selfish enough, obviously, not to care about his reputation, so go ahead. I welcome the chance to see you in court.

The second reason is so that you know I love the man I hope WH can be, and if given the chance I believe we could have a great life together. I still hope for that chance.

Good girl!! Now, close this down and avoid any and all communications from them, ok? You have inflicted some major damage on the affair.

Amac you DO NOT NEED to tell this man he'd have a good life with you. He already knows this and his affair had nothing to do with you daring to have kids but HIS poor boundaries in chatrooms! He is the typical WH who has absolutely no desire to lose out on his awesome BW and your needs meeting! That's why he's sniffing round trying to figure out if you're still on his back burner.

A generic plan b letter is fine! It's recommended! Without a generic letter the BS talks about a lot of stuff the WS is unable to hear. Drop it! Melody lanes edit is perfect!

Just send the letter already and take a bubble bath.

Of course you don't entirely mean it. If you sent him a heartfelt message that would be lovebusting!

Super. I am glad she will read this.

If you're right then this letter also serves your plan B efforts. You've told her YOU don't want contact with HIM. Not only will that play havoc in affair land but it discourages that particular play act where he blows up your phone FOR her.



This worries me and it needs tightening up. He is way too comfortable using this number whenever he wants.

Do you have an assistant/colleague who could screen calls or check numbers?
What do people in your profession do when they have stalkers, leave violent relationships etc?
Is it possible to get a personal number he doesn't know and leave the work phone in the office? Even better if you can get someone else to answer it for you/respond to him occasionally.
Change your voicemail so it sounds like youve bugged out and the number has become a generic number? "Thankyou for calling law firm. An associate will call you back in office hours"

When you have a weakness in plan b the best thing to do is put up a strong bluff.

That should tell you how stable their relationship is!

Hey lawyer, just a reminder that I don't want to make any responses to any random threats or calls WH might make. I have asked both he and his OW to stop contacting me. I wrote a letter in which i was very firm about this.

If you do need to get him off the phone maybe just tell him it's harassment to contact someone repeatedly who has asked not to be contacted and that he should stop using my publicly available work contact details to do so in spite of his number being blocked. But only if you think that's useful in shutting him down.

Just wanted to give you a heads up. No need to update me if he calls. Simply get rid of him if he does.

After I spoke to OWBH I had emailed my lawyer on Friday about WH's custody response. I told him he is unauthorized to speak to WH about any RO and I didn't want to hear about it. I also told him he is unauthorized to speak to WH on any topic until he provides the proper responses to the interrogatories sent and financial declaration, WH said in his custody proposal that should be to my lawyer on 12/21. I did this so there is some cooling off time, and I did a similar thing before when WH was not giving the proof that he had received the divorce papers. When he called my lawyer about the RO in july I told my lawyer to inform him he could not talk to him without the papers, WH then sent them right away

So it will be a win/win for me, I get the cooling off and an incentive for him to turn in the responses that he would undoubtedly delay doing. I just hope my lawyer listens to me, Im afraid he will still contact me if WH calls, but we'll see.

You may not realize it, but you inflicted a huge blow on the affair. Your H's reaction is an indicator of a direct hit. That letter to the OW will just add to the conflict, which is what you want.

I had noticed that one of WH's voicemails was from his number. With the iPhone when you block it just sends them straight to voicemail. With my phone service, I had actually put a block on his number that no calls or texts could go through and he would get an undeliverably message - but that block expired after 90 days! Im bummed he didn't get to hear that, it might have deterred him. But I put the block on again so that in the future if he calls from his number it will happen.

My work number goes straight to a receptionist before getting put through to me. I prosecute hard core gang members, so work wise I actually have a whole procedure and team that gets implemented if I receive a threat. Honestly, I dont think WH even has my direct work line, but im sure he could manage to get through reception. Im not ready to have my whole office know about this yet, but if it gets to that point I will tell reception not to forward any calls from him.

What I do professionally I believe has and will keep WH in line a bit. He knows the power I have to get a force full of cops to me in a moments notice. He has even said this to OW, "BW is a DA, she gets whatever she wants." lol

I would like to find a way for blocked calls going straight to voicemail. Im looking into that through verizon now. But I have been wary of that so far and have not answered any this whole time fearing it could be him (last night was the exception, i did it purposefully planning to hang up.)

All silent on the home front! I warned my sister of round 2 and told her not to tell me anything, i hope she isn't getting assaulted to bad herself.

I'm firmly of the opinion that a BS can't have too much support. Especially if she's publicly accessible. I'm a journalist whose newsroom contact details were publicly accessible in plan b and the whole newsroom knew what I was dealing with. From my boss to the security guard on the door. It was a great comfort. My deskmate picked up my calls (and I hers) and her go to plan was to greet WH with "who are you? Indie doesn't have a husband she is in contact with. She tells us everything. EVERYTHING. Hello?"

He actually never even tried that route until a whole year had passed. I'm sure he didn't want to run the gauntlet past a bunch of hardened reporters and it deterred him.

People who deal with threats as part of their job are great and tough! Use them!


The best way to protect her is for you both to be consistent that brow beating her will not work. He will give up when he sees this plan is serious.

I have told all my friend circle in my office ( I have ALOT of support there, this has happened to alot of women), and my closest investigators. I even had one lined up to be with me if our child support hearing went through so WH could not approach me while our case was waiting to be called. I just dont want my whole office or bosses to know. Its a fight for any woman to have the position I have, especially with 2 young children. I cannot have the appearance of cracks in the veneer because even if unjustified the appearance that maybe im not doing my job to the full extent because of whats going on in my personal life could threaten my position. Dont worry, I do not put my work above my own personal health, I actually have a very surprising balance given what I do, but it is important for me to maintain that appearance. And frankly, I like that at work i am just Amac the gang prosecutor, not Amac who is going through a divorce. It helps me focus to not have this in that arena, for now.

I get it, I do. It's your call.

I worked in a very macho office where there was not a single mother because mums don't work, least not as reporters. In fact I veered towards not telling for those reasons. In all honesty I only told because I was very visibly a wreck and there was no point hiding it. It was gratifying to get such unexpected support and be told by the blokes i was handling it better than they imagined they would.

I don't think you do need to tell anyway. Just putting your WH in a position that he can no longer leave you a private voicemail, that it would be heard/screened by others should deter him and give him the 'no contact is seriously locked down' message. Is that possible?