Sent.

And he could fly to the moon and run for president of outer Mongolia, but if you have an opportunity to inflict a blow on the affair you should do it. Yes, it is worth it.

Does your babysitter know if he was to try to come inside that she should tell him that she will be calling the police?

Why is your WH walking up to the house? You shouldn't be able to hear him - that is not good for your Plan B. Your babysitter should be walking out to the car.

You should keep track of any charges that are being made to you regarding the "RO" and ask for reimbursement of those attorney's fees in the final divorce agreement. Threatening an RO has nothing to do with the divorce.

I think I posted to you about this before - you should be fighting for whatever custody proposal you want for your kids that you think is in their best interest, period. I wouldn't mix custody issues with other issues.

It's basically standard procedure when it comes to exposing to not dismiss it because you think you know how the OP's BS will respond. That shouldn't enter into the equation. Because you really don't know.

If the OWBH didn't know that the affair has continued to be a PA all this time, then giving him the proof is the right thing to do.

Make sure all your Plan B holes are covered up and also make sure to be out of the house when your WH comes by for the next week or two.

Thank you, that is a good idea.

We kept the same procedure as before where he knocks and leaves the kids and leaves before the door is opened. This way no one has to see him. I dont hear him, i go upstairs so I can't. I dont think my babysitter would be comfortable having any interaction with him.

But she is a paid babysitter - she doesn't have to interact with him. She is not the one in the middle of a divorce and dealing with the trauma of infidelity. She is just a babysitter. I would ask her to do this.

I really do believe you are still not in a good Plan B (you recently said you were having urges of talking to your WH) because of things like this.

To this day I would not want my exWH walking up to my door and would not let it happen.

Well, right or wrong I know she would be uncomfortable and I do not want to push her, she could stop doing it entirely. She is a high schooler from church. Also, I think if she walked out to the car and had to interact with him he would take advantage of the situation and try to get/pass info to her, making things even more uncomfortable for her and more potential holes for me.

Of all the things that could keep me stuck (anxiety about getting calls from my lawyer, having a 3 year old that is going to say things about WH) the door thing is minimal.

amac, you seem to have a bad habit of hypothesizing everything and painting the worst possible outcome for every situation. The babysitter already sees him, so I don't know why it is necessary to paint a whole new level of reality TV drama simply because she takes the kids to the car versus meeting him at the door. What is the point of dramatizing a simple, every day child exchange?

Your husband is much more likely to cause drama at the door than with a teenager in the parking lot. I agree with Sue, that it is not a good idea for him to come right to the door. What else is the point of the baby sitter if not to take the kids to and from the car?

She does not see him. He leaves them at the door and opens it before he leaves.

There is no reason she can't take the kids to his car.

I would suggest not dramatizing the situation for her sake. Just ask her if she wouldn't mind doing that.

Here is OWBH response to my email:

I am more aware of things then you know. I have collected a lot through letters, emails to me, overheard conversations, therapy and breaking into her phone on three different occasions. I have only held back information because it�s always been my hope you will take him back and get him out of my life and because I don't want my life anymore disrupted. I am unclear as to what your goal is and am hesitant for you to be more hurt so if you don�t want to know, you should stop reading.

I think he is a manipulator that is playing you both. Although you think she is the aggressor it�s mutual and you should know that he contacted her in May after everything came out and invited her to your house, he tells her she is his soulmate, tries to convince her to have a baby with him and that he was trying to go back to save money to wait for her. All I�ve read myself searching through her text.

There have been vows, rings, trips on my dime, couples therapy and play dates with our kids. I have found pictures, looked at receipts and talked to my children. I have had 4-5 conversations with WH myself where he has confessed this supposed love where he had the nerve to tell me he will be a great step father to my children and will never stop contacting her. I offered him money on three occasions to get out of my life. I heard he wanted money from you and even offered him that to leave you both alone.

I found a ring that I think is his old wedding ring, a book and cards. I think he gives these to keep her and prove he loves her. I don�t get two smart successful women fighting over what is clear to me to be a dummy prize. He is a liar and a cheater. The reason I know she knows he cheated on you both as I told you is because she had screen shots in her phone I sent to myself. Whether it�s the same woman you mentioned or another it wasn�t his first time. The text were very explicit and sexual, which makes me worry I was exposed to someone doing those things with random people. He uses religion to keep her attached and told this other woman he isn�t religious. He changes his colors daily to fit his needs.

I appreciate that you want to warn me. Im not concerned with looking unattractive to her. My therapist thinks she accepts his lying and cheating which is completely opposite of her personality because he is a manipulator. I ask her why and she is convinced he is clear with you and he tells her you won�t let him go. From your emails and talking I think rather then being alone he wants financial security either from her or going back to you and wants options. Divorced from me or not I�m just trying to save her from a life of anguish with him cheating and lying to her. I think she is over her head and believes all his lies.

Second, I will NOT have him around my children. I will force him to be psych tested if she tries to move in with him. What I have read and seen tells me he�s off. Who would sneak into a persons home while they are there at 2:30am?

I agree he will not end one without a for sure future with the other, so if you want a life with him then be with him. Again I�m not sure what your goal is. You told me you will take him back and he told me once if he knocks on your door you will take him back, so I don�t understand why you don�t. I have suffered more then you know, please remember that. I have heard of 3 WHs so far the one that wants you and says he was tricked into an affair when he was chatting with multiple people as you describe, the one that says he wants her and paints a horrible marriage that I have a hard time believing was so bad and the one that meets random people for sex offline. None of which are good. You need to do what you want for you and not base it on what I do. If I�m honest I hate to see you feel you have no other option then this guy, but at least you know everything. I have emails and screenshots but no point. I can respect you wanting to try and I wish you the best.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS??

Did you know all this stuff about your husband? All this time I thought the OWH was in denial about the affair but it sure sounds like he knows absolutely everything.

I knew most of it from when I spoke to OW brother in July. I did not know for sure if my kids had been around OW.

I said in my post after I talked to him in December that he knew everything, and it seemed like OW told him play by plays of the affair. This is crazy right, even for wayward behavior? God is my H really a psychopath?

What do I do with this?

I want him to send me the sexual stuff texts he found with other women. WH denies to everyone that he is a sex addict. I think he needs to be confronted with it by someone (not me), some day.

I also want to share all this with WH parents. I have planned Bed them. But they are in denial about what he is and they are the only people who could possibly have influence, he really needs help.

No, You just told us this: �OWBH told me that OW said they havnt had sex since August, I knew that was a lie, but now I have proof. If OWBH actually gave a damn about his wife lying and cheating on him I would send it to him, but no, I know it wont make a differnce and he will continue to enable the affair.�

That comment is the reason I suggested you reach out to him with this intel.