Its really fun to see your H's adulterous hotel charges on his bank account documentation that he is required to send to the court. Wish there was a way for me to avoid looking at them, but I have to ensure he isnt hiding things. Ugh. OWBH told me that OW said they havnt had sex since August, I knew that was a lie, but now I have proof. If OWBH actually gave a damn about his wife lying and cheating on him I would send it to him, but no, I know it wont make a differnce and he will continue to enable the affair. I am so angry at him for this. I want him to kick OW out!!

Oh and WH did threaten me with an RO to my lawyer after I spoke to OWBH, but he sent it on 12/20 through snail mail, and my lawyers office just forwarded it to me yesterday. His letter sounds like a crazy person. Of course his reason for the RO says nothing about the real reason of contacting his whores husband, but rather because I came to his apartment unannounced (this i already disclosed on here, back in nov) and all these rants about blocked calls he thinks are me (they are not). He has really lost his mind.

Nowhere in any of his ravings does he refer back to his request for more custody time with the kids, thats all I care about. His mad ravings just make things look better for me, but still not fun to shift through.

Send it to him anyway, print out the account document and circle the charges in red pen.

I got that stuff about blocked calls. He also claimed he was getting silent calls. I think he even believed it. That was one thing I've not seen with anyone else until now!

Really? I feel like OWBH is just as crazy as WH & OW, I dont want anything more to do with any of them.

Inevitably I am going to continue to get evidence of the affair through the divorce process. I want to continue to attempt to live a life where WH does not exist in my world. Continuing to pass on info to OWBH just keeps me in their world. But, I know I said in my letter to OW that I would always correct their lies, so I guess I have to. Ugh.

Its hard to know if WH really believes the calls or just cant help lying for no good reason. He first claimed my lawyer called him when I had filed for divorce and when I told him no he insisted he looked up the number in white pages and it went back to my lawyer. Such a detailed elaborate lie, but I have no idea what purpose it served. I've seen time and time again with WH what has been said on here, he will lie, even when the truth would serve him better.

Not at all, you don't need to honour any promises to waywards! Take the Art of War approach. For one thing, your first responsibility is to the health of your own army (you).

Second is that the effect of that threat has probably already been felt and created very unstable foundations in their affair. Most affairees romanticize how they are not really adulterers, but people in love who are too nice to hurt their spouses. You ripped that curtain away effectually, and even if you go quiet, they will be unsure what that means, and unsure is good!

Its a bonus if the enemy should always be in a state of unease and uncertainty but the main thing is that your side is strong.

One thing you could do is send a one time message to OWBH saying that your attorney is compiling on going evidence and he is free to check in with him whenever directly. But if it's a hassle I wouldn't bother. He has not shown enough backbone for you to put yourself out.

I had planned to contact OWBH again when/if WH tries to get more time with the kid through my lawyer or the courts. I believe that stopped him from doing it this time, and I want him to know that will be the consequence if he tries again. If he does, then I will tell OWBH about the hotel charges and email him the proof.

I have to be honest, its in the back of my mind that maybe these hotel charges are not from OW. The chats OW sent my sister were of WH discussing meeting someone in a hotel room. He of course claimed it was "just chatting" but he really could be a full blown sex addict meeting random women in hotel rooms. If those charges are not from OW, and she sees it, she will go nuts.

You need to send it over NOW. It will cause a huge blow up in the affair and that is a good thing. Don't wait around.

What are you even talking about? There is no such threat in play.

Any time he wants more time with the kids, I will contact OWBH. That sets them off. In voicemails he left me he said he also thought i was contacting him because of the custody proposal he set. If he knows that the consequence of him asking for more custody is me contacting OWBH, it might deter him.

I dont think it would look good for me in court if I am sending other people WH's finanical documents, as much as I would like to. I will send him an email with the dates and hotels, but...

I'm going to wait, I need a break from the drama. I have done so much and there has been so much fighting against the affair already and its not deterred it. WH will contact my attorney if I do this, I can not insulate myself from that.

Ok, I misunderstood not realising that you were holding back evidence to use as leverage or punishment - that is a terrible idea! I think the very prospect of that is what is making you exhausted. Just get it off your plate and over with by telling OWBH. Do so whenever you have anything like that.

Don't make your plan a reactive one. Waywards live for reactions. It's one thing if you want to stop snooping and gaining evidence but don't join him in dramaville by trading shots. If you want less time to go to him you need to find out how you can control that legally, or with direct consequences - you can't control him, certainty not by giving him what he craves.

I need a break. What can continuing to share evidence possibly do for me? This woman has TATTOOED her body declaring her love for my H and openly flaunts her affair in front of her BH, and he does nothing. He knows she has possessions at his apartment 50 miles away from where they live. He already knows them not having sex since August was a lie, all this does is give proof, which will make no difference. She must have 0 respect for him, and its no wonder. How could any woman find a man attractive who puts up with this.

My H has in the least already cheated on OW, she knows that in my Plan B break he told me he loved me and we talked for 3 hours when he told her it was only 20 mins. Going back further, ugh, she claims he told her we were separated when they started chatting, but would stalk me on facebook and saw our maternity photos, showing oh, not only are we still together, but I'm pregnant! So from her perspective, her soul mate had impregnated the other woman (me). Did this stop her, no!

No proof of cheating or lying is going to stop all 3 of them from continuing to do what they are doing. Seriously, have you ever seen 2 more addicted people? (Or 3 actually, OWBH is clearly an addict). My H has lost everything at this point. In tons of debt and probably cant even pay his bills. No friends and no family around. Sees his children 10% of their lives.

I truly believe at this point the only way it will end is if one of them kills themselves. I know thats awful to say, but thats what I think. With the things they have done and the moral backgrounds they both had before Im afraid that is a real possibility if they ever feel the weight of what they have done. My WH is weak, and a coward. He always has been. I loved him in spite of this because I have always been so strong I didn't think his weakness could affect me, I thought it was endearing! Well boy was I wrong. I know the affair will end at some point but he will be so destroyed I dont see how he could ever be strong enough for recovery.

I understand about not being reactive so I won't plan to contact OWBH at all. I need to be out. I need a dark Plan B in action and in mind.

We are not suggesting that you get "back in," only that you reach out to the OWH and give him this intel. You ARE dark, after all. Since everybody knows this already, there shouldn't be a problem. The only outcome would be that the OWH might take this a little more seriously, which would be a benefit to you because it would cause conflict in the affair.

Your reluctance makes me wonder if you haven't made some agreement with your H to help him hide his affair. Is that so?

How can you accuse me of that after everything I have done? There isn't even anyone to hide the affair from at this point.

I will send an email with the evidence to OWBH tomorrow. I dont want to risk drama with WH when he comes to the house to get the kids with the babysitter here. She says he always lurks around on Sundays as it is.

Good girl!!

Amac, it shouldn't be possible for your WH to cause drama because your plan b should expect and be prepared to deflect drama. If he does anything alarming when he is at your home you should leave and call the police. You're not going to see him anyway so he would have to barge past the babysitter simply to be aggressive and get access to your home against your wishes while you were just trying to facilitate access. It would be a seriously dumb move on his part which would would be met on your part by planning, preparation and zero time for his dramatic pity party.

My babysitter said she is afraid he will just run in the house, haha. But I know he won't, he is way to chicken to do something like that. I stay upstairs anyway so I cant hear him greeting the kids. If he came in I would call the police (or at least tell him i am, that would get him out). But do I want to go through any of that, even if anticipated? No. Do I want hundreds of more dollars flushed down the drain when WH contacts my lawyer about an R/O? No. To me the the potential for impact is so small compared to the likely consequences, in my mind it is not worth it. But I am done thinking about any of this, I dont care what happens. You guys tell me to contact, and I'll do it, its that simple.

Do it! Afterwards tell your lawyer to ignore him. Good grief, just because he calls your lawyer does not mean he is obliged to respond.

A RO for what? You aren't contacting your H, are you?

No. But last time I contacted OWBH he wrote a letter to
My lawyer expressing that it would �behoove� me to refrain from conduct that could subject me to a RO, and referenced my coming to his apartment in November and then his paranoia about me calling him from blocked numbers.

He knows he can�t threaten me with an RO for contacting OWBH so he will use the past or just straight out lie to scare me. I know it�s all frivolous and has no merit but it�s the cost I don�t like, and the apprehension of waiting for a call or
Email from my laywer. I have told my lawyer not to commmuncate with him regarding any ROs but I can�t tell my lawyer not to take his calls or read letters he sends, and even those acts cost me $.

He could also threaten more custody with the kids. There are lots of things he could do to get back at me. Yes I can have a plan and deal wit them, but really, is it worth it?