Yes, I�m reading post. Melody lane, not really asking a question....apart from the original post which was pertaining to addiction. I don�t think at this point any program can save this marriage. I don�t think any amount of therapy can save this marriage. And I find myself right now scratching my head wondering ....why I�ve tried so hard for two years. Especially in 17. With the fresh disclosure on Wed feb 7th....why would I ever want him. I love him. We have had a blessed life. His more so as he had 2 . I�m very very sad.

Ruby, I think you have every right to walk away if you want to. Serial cheaters have reformed under Dr Hs conditions, but it's more grace than most people want to offer and that's more than understandable. I think seeing your old thread is making you look back over the list of resentments, instead of constantly chasing his bait, and if the long, long list of resentment is too much for you to let go; that's ok. No cheater is owed forgiveness. Particularly one who's refused it so often.

Either path, self recovery or marriage recovery, starts with plan b. So you don't have to make any final decision anyway. Just take care of yourself for now in plan b and gain strength to walk the path of your choice. The rest of it will reveal itself.

Thank you Indiegirl. Thank you all for listening and insight....and of course not sugar coating!!

Ruby,

I am a sex addict who is recovering from my addiction and recovering my marriage. We have implemented many of the MB principles. My husband has access to my whereabouts and communication at all times. I have no idea how to help you with the away time that he spends for his job. IMO, he would have to quit that job. I would be glad to answer any questions you have about how we are recovering.....

The plan you should expect him to present to you is one that involves mostly "counseling" and a plan that side-steps making real and meaningful changes - that is the MO of a serial cheater. This is the type of cheater that will do everything they can to convince you that they are going to change (act remorseful, loving, make a million promises) but not really make any changes - in your case he needs to give up his job, be with you 24/7 and not use the internet unless you are sitting right there with him, etc.

You're going to hold his feet to the fire because these are skillful manipulators.

I experienced it firsthand and I see it on these forums all the time.

Thanks SusieQ and Wifeofacoach.
I agree with what needs to be implemented. Yes yes yes. He is a master of manipulation, Our entire marriage has been a lie. He is a pathological liar, one would have to be to hide this secret life he's been living. He got sloppy in 2015 and that started to shine a light on the deceit.

Wifeofacoach, I'm so glad that you and your husband are recovering. Thanks for reaching out. Are you in a SA12 step group? If so, Is it only ladies or is it anyone who suffers? I ask because I think his committing to meetings and getting a sponsor are paramount. Do you agree? If you attend, has it helped you in your recovery as well as the MB principles?

SusieQ He's always bucked counseling. Thinks it a waste of money.

If a member here wished to talk to another member how do y'all go about exchanging phone numbers/emails etc?

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yes, please send me your contact info. can you text it to me if I give you my number on here and then I'll delete the post?

or if you are not comfy with that I will send you my info. I would LOVE to talk to you

as in post my email.
then delete

you can try that....but the post may get deleted!

Ruby, what Dr Harley has said about sex addicts anonymous is that he doesn't think they work. They don't HURT, but what will really change his behavior are the extraordinary precautions. Another thing to consider is that most 12 step groups are little more than pick up joints [I say this as a 33 year member of AA] so I would be absolutely caution against any co-ed groups if he does go.

so what do I have to do to give you my contact info? If I can't post it on here?

Thank you Melodylane

try sending it and ill copy it down and then delete it

Thank you!!!!

got it delete it now

ty

Ruby, just so you know wifeofcoach is a long term serial cheater herself who recently had an affair in late 2017. [she has been here for 10 years and made no progress] One reason she never solved the issue is because she persistently blamed her childhood. [a classic tactic employed by cheaters] She doesn't agree with the much of the advice given by Dr Harley.

I would really caution you about taking advice from a long term serial cheater. Dr Harley has a much better track record. Nor does he set up this board so people can lure posters in need off board to give their own unprofessional, personal wisdom.