Here is what I wrote to OH:

I think its likely he has moved onto another woman, or will soon. When we spoke at my house I could tell he was getting tired of her. He complained to me of her lack of emotional intelligence and told me she is more type A then me (aka controlling). He has told me many times he knows its not going to work out with her, and when I went to his apartment he told me that he moved back to our county because he is trying to end it with her and told me he would do what I wanted him to do to come back, but i didn�t want to hear it so I ran out of his apartment. He was the one wanting to list all the reasons he loves me and all the things he misses about our life, I have told him I dont want to hear it. He knows he is not capable of faithfulness and I won�t take him back without that, and im sure the fun is running out with her, so onto the next one.

That's a masterpiece. The very definition of letting natural consequences happen. There's no reason for you to hide this ugly truth from OWBH, he has no reason to keep it from his wife.

I survived the blackout! Surviving meaning I did not break my Plan B, but a couple near misses.

I went away for a few days with friends and of course on my first night of freedom I get a text from MIL asking if I could talk when the kids are asleep, she said she just missed me and wanted to know how I was doing. She Plan Bed me at Thanksgiving saying FIL said she made it worse by being involved so we shouldn't talk until it was "really over." I did not respond until I was back from my trip. I felt bad ignoring her entirely, and responded telling her, that as she said, we should not talk until everything is resolved, but that I missed her too and that the kids and I are doing well, I couldnt help but add that I would not be able to help unleashing all the horrible things I have found out and I dont want to think about or discuss them. She then responded that yes we should not talk until the divorce is final, but then left a whole other long text about remembering fondly of her visit last year and how proud she is of me for everything I have been doing, and not to forget that they love us and that she knows us 3 will be fine. Of course this made me cry. I told her I hope we can have a relationship someday, but right now I cannot separate the hurt and mistrust. She said she understood and hoped we could talk again in a few months. Would my life have been better without that exchange? Yes. But at least we both know were we stand now and i dont have to worry (hopefully) about any more attempts at contact for awhile.

WH has not asked for any more time with the kids, which is a relief, but still baffling. He has taken no action on the divorce except on threat of fines and sanctions responded to interrogatories that were sent. His response was awful, margins all messed up, referred to himself as "her" during the whole first page, and barely answered anything. Embarrassing for anyone, but even more so for someone who does this for a living!

After my last email I have heard nothing more from BH.

One thing I continue to struggle with is controlling my want to lash out at WH when it comes to the kids. Tonight my daughter came home and said that he had taken pictures of some bug bites on her back. This infuriates me. I know the only reason he is taking pictures of them is to show his whore (she is a nurse apparently, but works at most 1 day a month). I cannot stand the thought of them discussing the health of my child as if they actually give a damn about her well being. This provokes more anger in me then all the horrible things I have heard from OWBH. How do I get over this? I so wanted my sister to send him a message that if he actually cared to know, I had already taken her to the dr.and it was confirmed the bumps were bug bites, so no need to get the second rate opinion of his ghetto a$$ whore.

I feel so much hate for him, I dont like it. Is this a part of the cycle? Will it evolve into indifference? At the beginning I felt pity, then desperation, then more pity and fear for him. Now its just hate.

As your daughter grows up there will be less and less crap like this, and yes, you will feel better. Eventually she may not even have any contact with him at all.

Thanks Markos, I feel afraid that it won't lessen because at 3 my daughter right now cannot tell me everything he does, which I am thankful for. I feel afraid for when she can. But then after reading your comment I realized that she as she gets older she will be able to stand up for herself. She can say no dont take pictures of me and no I dont want to see your girlfriend, so that gives me some comfort.

She already understands so much its scary. She said to me out of the blue the other day "you won't talk to my daddy because he makes you cry." Im afraid WH must have told her this. It has been months since she has seen anything between us so how she could even know that I'm not talking to him I dont think is possible, but maybe she does remember some things and has put them together. So sad, but highlights the importance of being honest with the kids. They are so perceptive.

Have you asked your lawyer about putting in a stipulation that he can�t have OW around your children?

Yes, I will not agree to anymore custody without it, but it�s not something I can force on him. Right now my preference is to give him as little time as possible because even with that stipulation it would be very difficult to enforce. Right now he still has no overnights and only evening visits 2x a week and 9-7:30 on Sunday�s.

I don't think he did, I think it's just the gods honest truth. Children tend to be very wise on this score. What could be more important to her than your happiness?

I feel so unsettled with my contact with MIL. I want to tell her its not just because of WH that I dont want them in my life right now, but also because I feel betrayed by how they have handled this situation. MIL knew WH had moved back to our county and gotten a new job and didn't tell me. Its not the withholding of this information from me that bothers me, it is the fact that by agreeing with WH to hide it from me it is condoning his lifestyle of hiding things and keeping secrets, the last thing he needs. I also want to point out my confusion of her letter to me at Christmas about "children only remember what you tell them" I want to be clear with her that I will never hide the truth of what has happened to my children, that if there is any legacy their father can leave for them it will be as an example of what happens when you make bad choices. I also want to tell her how baffled I am that WH could visit them with his siblings in Sept and Thanksgiving and no one talks about what the is doing and just turns a blind eye (I know this because WH told me at the PB break convo in November that nobody (except his dad for 10 mins) talked about it).

I have written a pretty long email detailing all of these things, as well as the facts that OWBH gave me (WH tattoos, sneaking into their home in the middle of the night, giving her his wedding ring, playdates with our kids, his probable off line random sex etc.).

Should I just let it go? Honestly I hate that I am the one burdened with all this knowledge when Im not a part of his life anymore. I want the people in his life to know how bad it is so they can take it on. If they dont so be it, but at least they know the truth.

Amac, please let this drop. You do not need any more conflict than you already have. I am sorry your MIL made some bad decisions, but her judgement is not the best and lecturing her will not make you feel any better.

True. I do not want the conflict which is why I haven�t brought these things up. It�s so hard to know when it�s worth it or not. It�s not right now, you�re right I don�t need it.

If you are going to maintain any kind of relationship I would brush up on really uncontraversial topics only to discuss with her. The weather, your grocery shopping, the fine details of the school play, your new outfit.

Not for worlds would I discuss anything weighty with her.

Yes, I think at some point I could handle that much. But not right now.

The way that I look at it when you are in Plan B is: If they aren't with you, then they are against you. You have to preserve your emotional energy and can't waste it on someone who isn't supporting you. It's not worth it.

I would just stay away from her altogether for now. Honestly, I would just block/ignore her messages.

You are right. I already broke down and sent her a text and told her that i missed seeing her comments regarding my kids (as part of our conversation she suggested and I agreed her family wouldn't comment on my kids photo app anymore) and that I wanted her advice on some of my gardening. I said I think I could handle it if we didn't discuss any of the other things. She never texted back! It just makes me sad that relationship is another casuelty of this. But yes, I really do not need to be wasting any more emotional energy.

Did you block her? I would.

I think she wants a relationship in which she lectures you on the very things you don't want to discuss.

What is the benefit to you to keeping in touch with her?

MIL sent me a text the following day that she was out of state at SIL house for a few weeks. She just said she missed me so much and answered questions I had sent her about gardening, I told her to have a good trip and she said to text or call her anytime. I feel good that its light and positive, if in the future she does bring up things i dont want to discuss I will shut it down and block her.

I'm definitely feeling the positive aspects of Plan B! I went to Mexico City with some friends last week and had a great time. Something I would not have done but for this. (Well the pre-mom me would have, just not the current mom of 3 year old and 14 month old ) It's funny when I planned this trip I did not even consider that it would impact WHs time with the kids; I hardly factor him into my life at all now days. I just had a message sent that I was taking the kids to my parents for the week and not a peep in response from him. Quite a relief.

I need some advice. My work has asked me to take an assignment out of town in a few weeks. It would require me being away for 1 or 2 nights. It would be extra money for me, which I need. I am very tempted to ask WH to take the kids for those 2 nights. At this point, he has not had them overnight at all, even though he has his own 2 bedroom apartment and beds for them. I have been so thankful that he has not pushed the overnight issue since getting his apartment because I really do not trust him long term, but I think a night or 2 would be ok as long as he signed a stipulation that the children would not be exposed to OW. However, I am afraid that this would open the door for him to request more time. I know he is going to get overnights eventually if he ever pushes it, and it makes no sense at all that he is not fighting for it now. He would have to pay me alot less in support if he did. So, is it worth the risk of opening the pandora's box, which might be inevitable anyways and just get it over with? Or down the assignment and hope to maintain the status quo as long as possible?

My parents have been available for other things but I want to save their travel for when I need them for more then a night or 2 since they live far from me, so I would turn it down rather then have them come.

Another thought I had, I know MIL really wants to come down here and see the kids, and me too. I think it would be too weird right now for them to be here staying with me in the middle of all this, but them coming down and staying in the house while I am gone would give them the time with the grandkids and wouldn't have to involve me much. I would make them agree that WH is not to come in the house; it would be too confusing for my daughter to see him here I think.

Anyways, just all my thoughts. Let me know what you guys think!

Oh and P.S, WH has just decided, it seems, not to pay me his mid month child support. He was sent an email tuesday telling him it was late, but still nothing. Soo aggravating. I emailed my lawyer but apparently it has to be 30 days delinquent before I can garnish his wages. I do not understand what his problem is. I feel like he is trying to provoke me to contact him.

I would just turn it down. You don't want your husband using your travel against you in a custody negotiation.