Would you post the letter?

I have a plan to show her what I have been working on but I am afraid to show her. I don't want to push her away if she is not ready to think about recovery. Thoughts?

Can I attach a PDF to a reply?

Is there any chance you might reply to me? I took time to make that post.

You owe her the option. The only way you are going to know if she wants you to pay her just compensation is to ask.

Sorry. I completely missed your post. Yes my principal knows. He has been in on everything. Since the relationship was off site and not affecting work then it is not his business according to him. He is well aware of my intentions as far as transfer and he has also expressed his support for my wife and I.

What is your plan? If I were her, I would want to see a serious PLAN to protect me from this ever happening again and a plan to recover your marriage. That is what this program provides. You could send her the checklist I posted along with Dr Harley's video about How to Survive Infidelity.

The main concern for her has to be affair proofing your marriage and cleaning up your boundaries around women. For example, 99% of affairs begin with opposite sex friendships. That is probably how your affair began. The biggest issue is that you still work in the same place as the OW and that MUST be rectified NOW. Have you told your principal about the affair so she understands how critical it is to transfer you?

Also, what about Markos' point about being in the same district? If you were transferred, what does that look like? Going to a new town some distance away? Will it involve a MOVE?

And please respond to the other posters who have taken their time to post to you about critical issues. This is not an area where you can cherry pick things you want to hear. Nor is it respectful to ignore people who have taken their own personal time to give you valuable advice.

Can you just copy and paste it?

I apologize. I missed that post. I have since responded.

I am trying. The PDF wont post on here when I copy and paste. I will keep trying.

Here is my plan so far to prevent Re-Occurrence:
1. Get a transfer
2. Call Zack/Rus
3. Communicate with my wife about meeting each others needs
4. Eliminate all contact
5. Enlist support from more people - co workers
6. Apply for another position
7. Complete Transparency
8. Radical Honesty
9. Eliminate all contact - email, phone, text and social media

Thoughts?? Suggestions?

Here is my plan to fall in love:
1. Spend Quality time with my wife - 15 hours a week
2. Work to make her laugh and smile
3. Show love and affection in the simplest ways
4. Back rubs, hold hands, hold her,
5. romantic dinners, getaways
6. Be Honest - radical honesty
7. Be there for her
8. Learn to meet her emotional needs
9. recreational companionship - find something fun to do together
10. Take care of myself
11. Kiss her
12. Put my wife first
13. Do the little things that make her happy.

Thoughts Suggestions?? This is what i have so far

I also have in my little recovery packet the Guidelines for:

1. Successful recovery plan
2. Four rules to guide marital recovery
3. 3 goals for marriage

If I was transferred or got a job at a different school site, I would never see the OW.

Zack/Rus?

I would change
1) to: get a transfer within x weeks (before OW leave expires) or take sabbatical/quit/become substitute teacher while job hunting. Tell her the back up plan.
2) to become a more honest and open conversationalist. (You don't want to mention her ability to meet your needs at this juncture even if its as a result of you being at fault)
3) specifically mention the needs she has. If it's RC, say 'take you dancing and be a fun companion', if it's affection say 'I'm going to call you every lunch time to say I love you'.
4) Add HOW. Change of number and email addresses. Deletion of social media. NCletter you send together as a couple. Sharing/switching of phones.
5) I think this is how you got into trouble in the first place! With your wife expose the affair to close family and friends instead. Ask them to support your DW and apologise for disappointing them.
7) I would add no nights apart and living a completely integrated life where your wife is your best friend and absolute priority.

Does your district ever send teachers to each other's schools for training events? If she so chose, could she be put on the substitute list for the district and therefore for your school?

Also, what route would you use to implement the plans here? Would you give your wife the choice?

You could both use the free online resources/books or you could pay to sign up with the counselling centre.

We are not teachers. She is a Guidance counselor and I am an Administrator.

I would definitely give her a choice. i am willing to do whatever is necessary..