If I told my wife Prisca she could not monitor my work computer she would tell me that is not good enough and file for divorce.

Did Dr. Harley agree with this plan? Sounds a bit dubious to me.

amac, do you listen to Dr. Harley's radio show? You're not trying to learn Marriage Builders from just the forum alone, are you?

You don't want to do anything that would threaten his present employment, do you?

Amac has he actually told his employers this is a big deal? As in, he has addiction issues and he needs to radically increase his transparency? This would put the company's eye on him as well as yours so win-win.

Amac is absolutely right here - her husband is prohibited by the Rules of Professional Responsibility from allowing full access to his emails. Here is the Rule from my state - however, most other states are exactly the same or similar because they are all derived from the Model Rules of Professional Responsibility:

A lawyer shall not knowingly reveal confidential information of a client or former client to a person that the client has instructed is not to receive the information or anyone else��

As an attorney, there is no way I can allow a third-party who is not an employee or agent of my firm, corporation, or public agency (even if it is my husband) to read my emails without being subject to disciplinary action up to, and including, disbarment.

Thank you BB, that wording is super helpful in terms of understanding what can't be done.

But as to what can?

That curtain of privacy may be genuinely for the clients, but this curtain was/can be used to meet women online, so I for one don't feel confident telling Amac that she should just forget about this blind spot. For someone who was addicted to online connections it would be just too tempting. Off the top of my head we're looking at a situation where either:

A) Amac doesn't attempt recovery because her husband's life will never be transparent enough
B) Husband quits his job, either staying at home, entering another field or beginning his own firm where Amac is a partner/included within the transparency.
C) Amac is somehow given access to the web browser without access to emails, which wouldn't contravene confidentiality. Maybe a daily screenshot of his browser history?
D) He comes clean to his employer about this struggle and he gets an in-company accountability buddy. This one's tricky because they just may not care enough about his marriage as much as Amac as long as he's not slacking off at work.

I don't mind admitting this is above my pay grade. The fact that Amac's husband is quite willing to go along with everything makes me shy off from recommending anything drastic. I really think this needs Dr Harley' s intuition, knowledge and abilities.

Brits, while you're here could you check out http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...elp-to-save-my-marriage.html#Post3003775

Would a protection from abuse order prevent a husband Plan Aing? I realise it's probably not your state.

There's no way Prisca would stay married to me if I had a job with rules like that.

Have you heard back from Dr. Harley yet?

So, since Dr. Harley has a duty of confidentiality to his clients also and cannot share certain info with his wife, he should be divorced?

There is a difference between WILL NOT show and CANNOT show. My WH WANTS to show me his internet history etc. from work. We have been trying to figure out ways, but as I posted before, having him involved seems counterproductive. He has offered to open google and use that from his work computer because he knows I can monitor google, but to me thats pointless because to do something bad he would just get out of google.

Thanks to all the posters who I havent responded to yet, just very busy. I intend to get back with an update.

I wrote and was told my email was discussed on the show, but I cant find it! I downloaded the app but the date of the episode was like August 2017. Can anyone tell me how to fix that?

His boss and everyone knows of the affair and our reconciliation. The boss is totally on my side I feel. Told WH that he was glad he changed his phone number. WH told me that at one point before we reconciled his boss took his phone from him when he was texting OW and told him to stop and to at least give himself a year post divorce before jumping in with someone else.

WH said the boss also told him that they recently fired someone for chatting. So they do monitor and it will get him fired. This terrifies WH. He also said his boss has hinted that he might be "too high maintenance" of an employee, probably because they do know so much about our situation, so WH is afraid of me taking things further at work, especially when it appears he is already being monitored. I understand this.

Thanks Brits Brat!

Dr. Harley shares everything with his wife.

The thing is, he DOES share info with his wife. Which I have often wondered about! Given that licensed mental health professionals are usually stringently regulated re confidentiality. This is why he is the perfect person to ask.


Yup.


I have never been able to work those links but I have complete faith that Brainy will appear with it!



I find the above all very reassuring.

They told you that your show was August 2017? I did see a show that I thought sounded like your situation and wondered if that was you. I will post them soon.

Are these yours?
Radio Show of amac
Segment #2
Segment #3

Amac, comparing your situation with Dr Harley�s is apples and oranges. Dr Harley hasn�t had an affair. I think it is important to remember here that although the affair you were fighting throughout this thread was of your garden variety kind, in addition to that OW your WH was actively trolling on hook up sites. On top of that, he has failed to come clean to you which you have verified with two failed polys if I am following this correctly. So you have a WH who is actively trolling for affairs, and had one full blown A that you know of, and is continuing to be deceptive which you have shown with multiple polys, and who has no accountability on his work devices.

I think when you contact Dr Harley to get advice on this situation, you need to be very clear with him about all of this.

No, those aren't mine. The email I got said that my email was discussed on Wednesday 5/16's show (yesterday). I tried to listen to the show via app, but the only episode playing on the app was dated as from August 2017.