Who in the heck told him I was out tonight?!!!!

Another request from IM to leave football stuff out for BF. I left the bag on the front porch. I was lying in bed and then BF pulled up in front drive, opened the front door and let DS in. DS came up to the bedroom and gave me a kiss and then they went.

He didn’t even need to come in the stuff was outside. I feel like he is checking up on me. Making sure I am home and that no one is in bed with me. Lord knows.

So it’s all been happening.

BF came back after football with DS. He let himself in the house again and stood in the kitchen. He said that DS was feeling poorly and that he had been up in the night and wanted to be with me. I just nodded and said ok. Then he said well it’s not really ok I am finding this devastating. I may have goofed but I said I am sure then Left the kitchen.

What’s going on? I guess he is worried about me meeting someone else but I am not giving anything away.

Luckily I was looking good when he came round and he was really looking me up and down.

Change your locks today. You only need to change the tumblers, take the old ones out and go to a locksmith with them. Then you can pop in the new ones. The only tool you need is a screwdriver.

Thank you.

Will get locks changed? Why is he doing this Living Well?

I don’t understand what’s going on.

Good, you will sleep better now


No idea and it does not matter. My XH used to stalk me. He knew when I was going to walk the terrier in the mornings and would follow me to the park. Eventually he got bored of being ignored by both of us.

I was out all day yesterday he came round again about 5 minutes after we got home to drop off an item of the kids clothing.

Feeling like I missed a chance to sort things out when he stood in the kitchen and said that he is feeling devastated?

Speaking of the kitchen..

https://forum.marriagebuilders.com//ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2332869

You aren't listening to us are you? Get your fingers out of your ears. BF is not going to even start to think about addressing the requirements you put into your plan B letter until he sees YOU start to be serious about plan B.

Right now he still thinks you will take him back without meeting any of your requirements. He wants his dinner cooked and to see his children every night and go back to treating you like a discarded sock. Keep this plan C up much longer and you will begin to hate him. You may also get ill at which time he will get custody.

Then it will not matter that he has dried out and done anger management because you will be past the point of no return. Is that what you want?

Ok I hear you all

On one hand I feel like I have done really well, despite his numerous attempts I have not buckled once. Or even contacted him.

On another hand you are telling me that I am doing Plan C but not sure why.

I had another message from IM for him asking for more time with the children:( I ignored and sent him a new schedule with no additional time. Yet to hear back on that.

Anger & anxiety has now turned to sadness on my part.

Came home from work early today feeling poorly.

Yes I now see his antics at the weekend at another pathetic attempt at guilt tripping me, nothing else.

So sad my life has turned out like this.

You said he was in your kitchen. That is Plan C for Catastrophe. Not only should he not be in your house, he should not enter your garden. Your children need to walk from his car, they are old enough to do that.

Cheer up, you have lots of life ahead of you and all of it is going to be better than being treated like a discarded sock.

The reason why we recommend a solid plan B is we learned to understand the MB program. It is designed to recover your life while minimizing damage and pain. If you have questions about the program, or if you don't like the plan, please use this forum for clarification, or contact Dr Harley again.

Wether or not your relationship will be able to recover depends on the willingness to follow the steps laid out in the plan B letter and participate in the MB program.

The chances of recovery are zero if the initial willingness is not there, if the requirements are not met. The longer you stay in a painful plan C, the more damage is done to you personally, so more time needed to heal from additional damage.

Plan B protects you and a solid plan B will help you regain control and sanity. You are in an emotional rollercoaster and every time you have contact, it is day zero. When you are in a solid plan B, your emotions will step aside and hand over the steering wheel to your ratio.
Take care!

Thanks all

So sick of not having my children even if it’s only for 2 nights per week.

BF is now asking via IM to have more time with the children and to talk direct so that we can agree a schedule going forward. He has also suggested seeing a mediator.

He already has them one night in the week and half the weekend?!

Crying again.

Of course you are


So yet more attempts to break your plan B. Your IM should not be sending you these messages. Give IM a boiler plate response to send each time something like this comes in. An extract from your plan B letter would be good.


Nothing easy about the breakdown of a relationship. Had you thought about formalising the visitation through your solicitor?

Just want to say thanks for all your time and support Living Well.

So IM went back with a response to BF. Then BF has come back saying that he now doesn’t want more time with the children just to fix a schedule like every other weekend and one set night each weekend. Hurrah!!!!

So only with them 2 nights per week at the moment. He is so erratic one day requesting one thing then changing his mind later.

Have a good weekend all.

No, he is being very consistent. Consistently poking large holes in your plan B. He is not interested in seeing more of the children, he is interested in seeing how long it take you to agree to be his discarded sock again :-)

LOL

He is gonna have a lonnnnnng wait!

Hope you are all keeping well in the States with the Coronavirus

Hi there

I am having really heart pangs for him today. I really wish I could think a bit more clearer, I seem to be pining for him way too much. I am spending a lot of time focusing on building a new life making plans, I have taken up tennis which I really enjoy.

BF seems to take over my thoughts most days. I am very embarrassed about the situation and just can’t seem to get to that place of happiness looking forward to a better life.

I am also filled with fear. Fear he is never going to change and fear that he has met someone new and because I live in such a small town it is going to rubbed in my face.

Funny though out of all this process I feel as though I am a better mother. I feel so much closer to the children.

I now actually think been treated like a discarded sock is better than my children been away from me 2 nights per week.

BF has sent to the house today a Mother’s Day card from Moonpig. Dear me.