I am writer1's husband (you can search her story here on MB.) To give a little background and history on MB, writer1 originally came to marriage builders 13 years ago, after an affair ended when our OC was a year old. Prior to this, I had had a long term (10-year) mostly emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend from high school.

Forward to the last three years, where I’ve had multiple affairs. First, I met a woman through social media in June of 2019 that turned physical by July. I stopped the affair once it was exposed via a text message to my wife after the affair partner and I had a heated text session the night before.

We, then, moved out of state and after a few months at my new job in April 2020, I started an emotional affair with a co-worker who was friendly and open to personal messaging that involved inappropriate conversation, and even inappropriate pictures sent via email. This affair ended by her not responding to my messages though I did in October (2021) reach out only to see if she was okay. She did reply back by guessing someone else. When I told her who it was, she said hello, I’ve not heard from her again and I’ve not reached back out to her.

Another affair started with a different former girlfriend from high school in May 2020. This started as a catch-up session via email, but the conversations turned inappropriate within a couple of weeks. We met and had physical relations twice (Nov 2020 and July 2021) in the year and a half period of time. I exposed the affair to my wife and haven’t contacted the affair partner, but only to send a “no contact” email to her and her husband. There have been other women whom I’ve had inappropriate conversations over the years. These instances have been met by the other party stating they weren’t interested in anything more than friendship. I’ve labeled myself a serial cheater because I am. I confessed all of this to my wife and we are working to reconcile our marriage.

Over the past five weeks, my wife and I are sharing more quality time together, we are reading the Harley’s books, and when we are able to afford it will seek counseling. I know there are safeguards that must be set in place and I am showing my wife that I’m open to all opportunities to strengthen our marriage.

I do not have any specific questions, but I am open to advice from the forum.

Welcome back.

I haven't had time yet to dig up your previous thread, but didn't you say all that about sharing quality time and strengthening your marriage the last time you were here?

Is this how it's going to be for writer1, that, after living your life as if you were not married and breaking her heart, you show up on the forum, say things that sound right, and then screw her over yet again?

Are you unable to control yourself?

Or do you just not care enough about hurting your wife?

Or is there some other cause of having affairs that we have not yet heard about, and that you alone are afflicted with?

What the heck is wrong with you?

When you were here before, I remember that posters were not convinced by the correct-sounding words that you wrote. They even took your wife to task about why she thought recovery from your serial cheating was possible, and she defended you.

You were a classic case of a man who has been busted once too often, and whose wife then insists that he posts on the forum. The wife takes the husband's willingness to post as a sign of his willingness to roll up his sleeves and learn about rebuilding a marriage.

But the husband doesn't actually display any such willingness. He was ordered to post, and so he posts, and that it - job done. He does not come back frequently to learn what to do day by day, or what to do when he is facing a dilemma. He might or might not have had any intention of really changing his behaviour, but once the immediate heat is off the marriage, and once he has posted as his wife demanded, that's it - he goes back to his normal life.

That was you, and some of us could see this coming. You registered here in August 2019 and soon disappeared, and in April 2020 you went back to your normal life. And my guess is that you're only here now because you were busted again and your wife made you come here.

You won't stick around, and you won't do the work. I hope your wife is seeing now what we could see two years ago.

Why stay married and continue to do this to her?

Why are you really here? Is it to pretend to show you care for her?

Is she going to come back to the boards?

That's concerning.

Yes it is. It's a frightful warning sign.

w1h, I didn't get any better until my wife told me I couldn't come home until I could guarantee her that it would never happen again. What would you recommend that your wife do in order to create a situation where you can't come home unless you can guarantee it will never happen again? Whatever that would be, that's my advice.

This is a warning for any lurkers who are reading.

This is what happens when you come to MB with a WS and embrace the warm and fuzzy stuff like "meeting EN's" and "spending UA time", and cut corners on the tough stuff. More affairs, more pain, and a more crippled marriage. The wayward just keeps getting better and better lying, gaslighting, and hiding his SSL (secret second life)....the BS just keeps getting beaten down further and further.

This serial cheating WS needs for starters:
1) poly
2) completely transparent lifestyle where he cannot carry on his SSL (no social media, probably no access to cell phone and internet without his BS present) ETC
3) a complete exposure by the BS to family and close friends who can help keep him accountable

However, he knows he can come here and say some nice things and that his BS will eventually back off and he can resume his normal activities.

You can NEVER listen to a wayward's flowery words - actions are all that matter.

Of course you don't have any questions, because you already know what the solution is; stop seeking affairs. You just really aren't interested in doing so, as evidenced by 2 additional affairs since the last time you guys resurfaced here the last time.

It's even in your own words here that you sought further affairs.... and the women stated they weren't interested. And THAT is the only reason there weren't more.

You haven't implemented any stronger personal boundaries. It's doubtful you are interested in doing so, it would interfere with your ability to get another affair going.


You are capable of stopping this. You just have no interest in doing so.

How? What's different THIS time? All I see is words and more nice sounding, empty words

Can you be specific about what those safeguards are? (Don't post anything about emotional needs. Those are not safeguards.)

Also, can you add in some guarantees for her about what will happen to protect and rescue her if you do this again?

These are not safegaurds.

What are you doing to make another affair impossible? What's different this time?

Be specific