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Joined: Sep 2020
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Hello there Guys;
I am back posting after some time off from the Forum;
So, we are living in Canada where we originally moved from India and our family is following Hindu Religion. There are certain days my wife is fasting and doing daily prayers for good luck and prosperity.

The issue I have is certain situation where prayers does not produce the fruits as expected, and the role of shame from society and having to live up to to certain image to be accepted by the community like having a child.

The highlight point is we could not conceive Baby because of my low sperm count, hence she used the approach of getting into affair with one of our close friend who was married to conceive the baby in secrecy.

Now, when we were travelling to our home country India two months ago, we were brought to the person who gets possessed by the Goddess Durga and gives advice on life matters. My wife took to heart this person's advice while she wants nothing to do with MB program.

The biggest issue I am having hard time is our family using religion as a tool to solve marriage problem; her parents are dedicated to religion and their method to attain happiness is by Prayer and fasting to gods to solve the problem. They constantly refer to gods for their great fortune while discounting or disregarding issues or problems.

How do I make such a group understand the concept of Marriage Builder?

They are bullying me and saying that I am non believer; how do I talk to such a group so much invested in Religion?

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Welcome back to MB.

I don't think you need to try and make your families understand MB. I think you should let them believe what they believe, and try and keep them out of your marriage. Do I understand correctly that they live in India?

Even if they live near you in Canada, if you don't share their beliefs about how to restore your marriage, you can ignore that part of their behaviour. There is no need to fall out with them about this; just do not let their beliefs affect you.

Your wife is a different matter, however, because you should never just ignore her. I have seen Dr Harley advise men to respect their wife's religious beliefs and do not try to persuade her to change. I understand that you in fact share her Hindu beliefs, but not to the extent of following the goddess that you mentioned as a solution to your marital problems.

I think that there is still a problem with your wife's attitude. She lied to you about her affair with your married friend, and lied about conceiving a child - I believe she tried to pass it off as yours. Now that the affair has been uncovered, she refuses to address any of your concerns. That attitude of indifference towards the hurt she caused you is a much bigger concern to me than it seems to be to you.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Sep 2020
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Hello Sugarcane and thanks for your reply;
My wife says that she was under immense pressure and stress when my younger brother's wife got pregnant and we were struggling to conceive; the whole society it seems turned against her and I was absent during this time for support and she turned to OM for help and pushed him into having a Donor baby with him.

While from my understanding I was under the same pressure and was seeing various specialists to deal with my low sperm count issues, she is well aware about this; Yes, I could not help her conceive but I was trying my best.


Her solution was to turn against religion and break our trust along the way by going to OM, yet she goes back to the same religion and people that put her in that position and worships and prays for the same gods that made her vulnerable.


Her parents are another issue as they are having financial issues and she says she needs to visit her parents in India every two years; I can understand about supporting them but by also Travelling to India we are destroying our finances and yet again she says that I am not paying attention to her. I tell her about her daily conversation with her parents on What's up but that has no affect on meeting them in person according to her.

Right now I am on Employment Insurance and looking for Job, Yet, this thing has put me in great depression and I am unable to focus because she keeps saying that I do not know how to pay attention and I am abusing her.

She is having great success in her Job and moving up and is asking me what's wrong and why am I depressed; So, how do I explain myself when it did not affect her the same way as me?

I feel like a living corpse And in complete of opposite of what I was previously as she always had male friends throughout our marriage but I never doubted our fidelity and since this happened I question every decision and I feel ashamed and made of a fool for allowing her full reign.

How do I make peace with my self and forgive my self?

Last edited by canadien74; 07/24/22 07:08 AM.
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I think that, in spirit, you are married to your wife, but she is not married to you.

She didn't take you into consideration when she had an affair to have a baby. She has not shown much consideration for your feelings ever since.

She wants to deal with her parents the way she sees fit. The fact that as a couple, you cannot afford the visits to India is irrelevant to her. I think that this is because you are irrelevant to her. (I'm sorry; that is a harsh thing to say and hear.)

I think that she intends to live her life the way she wants and can afford, and to ignore you if you have views that are contrary to hers.

I do understand loving the child and wanting to bring it up, but even with that, I really don't know why you are staying with her. You are signing up for this treatment for the foreseeable future.

You urgently need to get a job and you need to seek treatment for your temporary depression.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.

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