My lawyer has proposed that she approaches stbxw with an agreement for sole physical custody and joint legal custody where if there is any disagreement I will have the final say.
This would keep things out of court if an agreement can be reached, which I would prefer and I wouldn't want things escalating to having to drag my children into any sort of trial.

Child support I have asked for what should amount to less than I would be entitled to, but financials will be requested either way.

Lawyer asked if I wanted her to handle the divorce when the years separation hits, as filing for adultery would be a serious uphill battle that she says practically nobody pursues. I will be leaving that to stbxw to file and pay for, she wanted it she pays for it.

I'm 50/50 on if I've got a war ahead of me with her or not, this is going to come as a total surprise when my lawyer contacts her, and a chance she goes off the deep end in anger.
I hope for our children's sake she just agrees to everything and handles her obligations as she should.