After being with my wife for 7 years last April she dropped a bomb on me by saying she didn't love me any more and she wanted a divorce. Until September I tried everything to change my ways to make her see that maybe she did still love me. Then in September I just became emotionally exhausted and told her I needed time to think that way I could really clear my head and think about things so I left and stayed at my parents place for 10 days. After the ten days my wife texted me saying I needed to just stay away and not come back because she doesn't love me any more. I've been gone since then I talk to my daughter everyday and see her on weekends. My stepson won't tak to me and her family is convinced that I walked out on them. I love my wife and I really don't want this divorce and I know there's really nothing I can do it's up to her and God but I can't stop thinking about her and I feel very lost and un sure on what to do.

Welcome to MB.

Have you checked to see if your wife is having an affair?

What are the reasons she gave you for wanting a divorce?

And it’s your home so there should be nothing stopping you from going home. Is it your home?

I have been told she was but every time I confronted her about she denied it.
We rent that home as well the only reason I didn't stay was because I don't want our kids to be in that environment.
The reason she gave me was she didn't love me anymore

You don’t ever ask if she’s having an affair, because she’s not going to admit it.

You need to snoop and find out what’s going on.

When she says she doesn’t love you anymore, does she give you any reasons?

When people are in an affair a very common thing they will tell their spouse is that they don’t love them anymore.

Do you have access to her devices to check?

No i don't my daughter had told me that she has a male friend over all the time

Who told you she was having an affair? Was it your daughter saying that a man was there all the time?

You'll get better responses if you write a bit more.

I was told by coworkers we used to work at Walmart I worked nights and she worked days after she kicked me out and took me off the lease my daughter asked me why mommy's has her friend over all the time

And the only reason she had given me for this is she just doesn't love me anymore and she just wants to feel single again

You were told by your co-workers. They would not have made this up; what interest would they have had in doing so? What did you do about it, apart from asking her - which of course she would deny?

Do you know who the co-worker is? Is it the same friend that visits Mummy?

Yes these co-workers are mutual friends to both of us and yes it's the same friend

I also had my sister tell me as well and I confronted my wife about and she denied it

So did you just let that go after she denied it?

You should be worried about a man being around your young daughter.

In addition to SugarCane’s questions.

Is the OM married or have a girlfriend?

Do you want to save your marriage?

No it's my wife and ya I am worried no I didn't let it go there was a lot of issues with trust and what not but we started working on it and I thought we where getting better until she made a new friend whom just got divorced and was telling my wife I was possessive of her when I only saw her for a few hours a week do to our work schedule and yes I'd love to save my marriage this woman means the world to me but she's also doing everything she can to push me away

Is the OM married or does he have a girlfriend?

You should ask the MODS to move this to Surviving an Affair.

Please read Exposure 101

Well, there's your answer to what made her drop a bomb on you last April. She might not have been having an affair at the beginning, if you say that this is a new friend, but she is having one now, and while he's around you stand no chance of reconciling.

I'm a bit unclear about the timeline, but logic would suggest that she had already met him last April, and that's why she dropped the bomb. After you moved out she got her desired freedom to see this man more openly. She probably feels that since you are separated, nobody will see this as an affair and she is free to date. You need to disabuse her of that notion. And if he is recently divorced, there is every chance that this affair was the cause of his divorce.

Do you know his name (don't write it here!)? Is he still a co-worker - meaning that they work for the same organisation? Is one of them in a supervisory position over the other? Does he have kids?

You need to find out as much as you can about his identity, and when you have enough evidence to convince a jury (in Dr Harley's words) you will need to expose this affair to his ex, to both (your and your wife's) families, to your child, and to the workplace.

All of this needs to be done properly and you must not give your game away to anyone until you are ready to expose. Do not start questioning your wife about her man friend, for example, and absolutely do not tell her that you plan to expose at work or to his family. Say nothing at all at this stage to anyone.

So the man and her friend are two different people sorry I should clear that up. I know his name yes and no she quit her job right before she kicked me out. Yes he has a daughter. Her friend who went through the divorce is a woman whom I can not stand. I'm thinking of talking to a lawyer since she took me off of the lease of our rental with talking to Me as well as telling everyone I walked out I even have proof I didn't.

He's also not my co worker any more as I left that job

So it's no longer a workplace affair, so that avenue is closed. However, you need to read the Exposure thread that Brain Hurts linked and prepare to expose to friends and family.

By all means talk to a lawyer.

Should I get a p.i

You know the guys name, correct? So don’t you have all his information? His name?

Is he married?

Do you have his contact information on any social media he has?

Can afford a PI? Do you need one?

I know his name but that's it

Have you looked for him on social media? Can you find his contact information to save for when you do exposure? Have you read the exposure thread?

I only knew the OW in my marriage's name, but within minutes of searching for her online I knew her husband's name and employer (with phone number), and their home address and phone number. From there I tracked down their children's names and schools, and finally her maiden name, which opened up another world (her employer and several details about the affair) - and that was long before the days of social media, AND she lived in another country.

You need to treat this a lot more urgently and start working. You seem to have been very laid back, given that you knew she was having an affair.

Why do you need an expensive PI? You can do so much detection on your own, if only you can be bothered.

Your one-line answers, lacking in enthusiasm and urgency, are demotivating me. I'm not going to do more work on this than you.

Yes I found his Facebook I know where he works and I started working on getting more information as for my one line answers I've been at work when I answer these questions so I am sorry

Is the OM married or has a girlfriend? Did you find his parents? Any siblings?

Om is single I couldnt find his parents at or siblings has his Facebook pretty private I know he has a younge daughter though

Can you afford a PI? Have you searched any other social media? Did he used to work at Walmart with her? Do the coworkers who told you about the affair know anything?

Have you tried running a background check to see what comes up?

So the used to work together until she left the job. The coworkers told me they where spending lots of time together days she worked late she was with him. As for running background checks in doing that as we speak.

Let us know what you find out?

Have you read the exposure thread?

I have read it in not sure how it's gonna make her change her mind about leaving me sounds like it's just gonna really cement her decision

So I have his address and a list of possible family on him so far

Read When Should an Affair Be Exposed

Now I am just gathering evidence

Were you able to get family information on him? What family is it? Can you find his parents?