Me 43 (M) and wife 41(F) have been married for 10 years. That I know of, we have never lied to each other. I will try to keep this as short as possible.

I have a 100% hard limit on drugs. When we were dating, around the time we were getting serious, I said I had 3 rules.
1. Don't lie to me
2. Dont cheat on me
3. No drugs
She was completely aware of it and had told she feels the same way.

Lately, we (she) have been having trouble getting aroused in bed. So, we (mostly she) has been looking at buying libido enhancement pills. We went to a sex shop and she didn't see anything she wanted to try.

A few nights later, she is browsing the Internet and says "I've been reading comments on this pill and I think I want to order it.....but you're not going to like it". I looked and saw that it was CBD, it was a 2 pill packet. I got really quiet for a long time. I was thinking maybe it would help her, so I said" I guess".

Friday night (8/30/24) came, and she came in and said she had stopped at the local dispensary and bought the pills. She showed me the packet and it didn't look like what she had showed me on the website. So I asked what it was. She answered that she had "went in and saw that these pills didn't have CBD or THC, and wouldn't bother me". I thought WOW, that is great.

So today (9/1/24) I was taking trash out and went to empty the can beside the bed. Her nightstand was open a bit and I could see a package and the letters THC. I opened the drawer and looked at the package. It was a fairly large bag with multiple gummies in it. And the bag was open.

I haven't said anything. I don't know what to say or do or how to feel.

I feel that she lied about buying the non THC pills to cover buying the THC gummies. (We live in a small town and everyone knows everyone) In case she was seen by someone who would tell me she was there.

I feel very sick to my stomach and have been awake all night because of this.

How should I approach this issue? Am I overreacting? Do I let it go? Do I gently confront her?

Welcome to MB.

What were the consequences of your boundary of no lying?

Yes you need to talk to her about it and listen so what she says.

Have you read Dr. Harley’s basic concepts?

I have read them in the past. I just read the summary again.

Never set any consequences. Just said I only have 3 rules and she said ok.

I'm waiting to try to talk to her, when I'm clearer headed. I am trying to work out what to say in my head. This has really been eating at me.

I've had 10,000 thoughts and emotions running through my head. What else has she lied about or hid? How do I bring it up? How will she respond? Can I trust her? Etc....

Another thing to do while you’re waiting to talk to her is to write Dr. Harley. The Harley’s do a radio show everyday and answer questions.


Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the broadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will receive a call to explain the procedure.