After seven years my wife is moving out. We’ve been through a lot, losing our son, moving 4 times while she was pregnant or with an infant, the pandemic, her mental health issues, job changes, losing family members. But at first when she wanted to move out I thought she wanted a divorce. But she’s saying she wants to still be married just “work on ourselves”. She’s been playing games like this nearly every week for a year and a half. She always has some issue that causes problems. if I react or advocate for myself, I’m the bad guy, she’s the victim. I’m not going to stop her from moving out. We have two kids and she’s moving out after Christmas. Part of me is excited as every week she causes me emotional turmoil. But the other part of me misses who she used to be and knows she’s a good mother and was, for most of our relationship a good partner. Wtf do I do

Welcome to MB. Did you mean to post this in the dating forum?

What mental health issues is she diagnosed with?

That’s a really tough situation to be in. I think (and hope) [***’nonMB material] might help. It talks about how to get past those difficult moments when things seem stuck and how to rebuild healthier dynamics in your relationship.

It goes beyond just ‘fixing’ the other person and focuses on understanding yourself and your partner better. It could give you a fresh perspective on how to approach this situation and maybe even find ways to reconnect.

When someone says they want to “work on ourselves” but the patterns haven’t changed, it’s okay to set boundaries to protect your own well-being. Moving forward, focusing on clear communication, maybe even couples or individual counseling, could help both of you find clarity and peace — especially for your kids.

First off, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Everything you mentioned — the grief, constant life transitions, emotional strain — it’s more than most couples deal with in a lifetime, let alone just a few years. And now, with her choosing to move out but still wanting to stay married, I can understand how confusing and painful that must feel.

You mentioned that she’s been playing emotional games for over a year, and that made me think of my own situation. I was stuck in a cycle of second-guessing myself, not knowing whether my partner’s distance and erratic behavior was just stress or something more. The constant doubt was eating me alive.

Eventually, I used a tool called Egspy. It’s a discreet way to see if there’s any sign of cheating — call logs, social media, messages — all without needing to guess or feel crazy. I didn’t want to invade anyone’s privacy for no reason, but I needed to know the truth for my own sanity. In my case, it confirmed what I suspected — that there was an affair. As painful as it was, at least I knew. That clarity helped me finally focus on healing and making decisions from a place of truth instead of fear or confusion.

You might not get closure from her — but you can still get it for yourself. Whatever the outcome, you deserve peace and honesty. You’ve already been through more than enough.

Wishing you strength as you navigate this next chapter.