Well, I've been married 25 years and probably am older than most of you. I'm going to own up to something -- what in the hell is S&M sex? Just wondering...

It seems to be obvious to virtually everybody that these betrayers are depressed. Why don't the counselors push them harder to get evaluated or treated? My H confessed in front of the counselor that not only had he been suicidal, but he had planned how and where he was going to do it - how much more evidence did she need? She suggested that he get counseling, but when he said he didn't feel the need for it right now, she didn't push it. Apparently she believed that our marriage caused his depression, because we "didn't communicate". Another therapist suggested, in front of him, that I tell the children that their father was depressed, since I had told her that I thought he was. Would she have said that if she didn't think he was? But she never suggested that he do anything about it.<P>I, too, have absolutely no real-life support for Plan A, and lately it seems like I don't have a lot of cyber-support either. Plan A doesn't seem to have worked, but I am sure that my H, like Distressed's, would feel relieved if I went into Plan B, and would distance himself even further from the kids. It was better when I was still in the early stages, when he would still argue with me. Plan A seems to have allowed him to not think about it.