I'm doing ok. Things on Saturday went as well as they could go. I wrote her a letter telling her that I did not want to lose her and had her read it while i was there with her. I hope that I never have to write anything like that again. I poured my soul into that letter. <P>We went to a state park and walked around and did some swimming and then had lunch together. I don't really know what else to say except that I have been crying every night since then and it does not seem to be getting any easier. The only thing that is better is the fact that I know it is over and I am not stuck in limbo waiting. I do not know if that is better though. <P>I have lost my best friend and girlfriend. I used to so look forward to Friday's b/c I knew I would see her soon. But now I dread them b/c I know I will spend the weekends alone - without her. <P>So, I guess to anwser your question. I am hanging on the best I can. My days are filled with work and thinking about her, my nights are long, quiet and lonely and my weekends are unbearable.

Hi there Younglove.<P>Just wanted to write and let you know how I am doing. I went and spent the weekend with some friends of mine. Of course they are all couples. It makes me miss my GF all the more. My friends mean well but have no clue as to how seeing them togther makes me feel.<P>I would have to say that the weekend - overall - was fun with some emotional rollercoaster rides. The toughest part was going home on Sunday knowing that I will be alone for the next 2 weeks at least. I am not planning any trips to anywhere in the near future. Sunday night I really missed my GF. <P>She was coming into town to pick up a friend at the airport and I had hoped that she would stop by to say hello. Of course, she did not. In retrospect I think that is probably for the best. <P>We had IMed and emailed before the weekend and I had said that I wanted to speak every 2 weeks or so. She agreed but now I do not know if that is the best course of action. I keep flipping back and forth on how I feel about that. I do really want to speak with her (miss her voice) but at the same time....<P>Any thoughts?? <BR>

Hi Tom-<P>I'm sorry I didn't respond after your last post. I had a helluva weekend. I had a 37 hour long migraine and was utterly miserable. I've just recently started to get migraines and am going to the Dr. this Friday, hopefully he'll prescribe something to help, but this past weekend it was just me, Advil (yeah, right, that almost helped) and an ice pack. But enough of me babbling...<P>It must've been so hard to write that letter and have her read it in front of you. In the long run you will be glad you did. I know it sure doesn't feel like it now, but I believe that in the end breaking up is actually harder on the person who ends the relationship. First of all, they're less likely to get support from family and friends, and may not feel "justified" in being sad and mourning the relationship since the end was their doing. But long after the pain fades, the ender has to wrestle with guilt and doubt that the endee never needs to deal with. Guilt for hurting someone, guilt for knowing they were the one to give up, and doubt indefinitely, not knowing if perhaps they'd made a mistake. A friend of mine is 29, nearing 30, and having an early mid-life crisis right now rethinking every relationship he's ever ended. Now that he's getting older - paunchier, wrinklier - he thinks perhaps he was hasty in ending a relationship with one particular woman he was especially close to, a woman he could've married but it "wasn't the right time". The person who's left behind, however... sure, it feels like your heart's been ripped straight out of your chest, and God knows it's not easy to take. But time will pass, and you will heal, and when the loss fades - and it will in time - you will have good memories of the times you shared and not guilt and doubt about your decision. I strongly believe it's always better to say too much than to let what you feel go unsaid - because then you know you tried, and having done all you could it's easier to move forward.<P>Keep hanging in there! It's absolutely better to know it's over than to have it hanging in midair. Leaving it open to reconciliation is like continually ripping the scab off a wound. By the time it heals it's covered in scar tissue. (sorry for that icky image). <P>Whether or not you should speak to her every two weeks depends on your expectations for the talks. Be honest with yourself - if you'll feel like it's a chance to win her back, and she thinks of as just staying in touch with someone who's been important in her life, you could end up very disappointed, and after speaking to her may feel hurt all over again.<P>Above all KEEP BUSY! Join a gym and work out, learn to speak German, remodel your apartment, read every novel by John Grisham by the end of April... whatever it takes.

Hey .....,<P> Sorry to hear about your migrains. My brother used to get them real bad but they never could tell what was causing them. The eventually went away and he is fine.<P>Thanks for the thoughts. I have been staying pretty busy with friends and going to the gym. I already know german though so maybe it is time for another language =). <P>Well, gotta run. I'm at work and gotta get some stuff done around here. Seems like this is one of those days where these isn't enough time.<P>Take care and thanks.<BR>

Please help!<P>I don't know what it is about today but I am on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Problem is there are no high points only lulls between so much sadness. I want to find her where ever she is tell her that we are meant for one another - tell her about all the pain. I feel like without her I have nothing. Without her to share it with me - I have nothing. I am dreading this weekend. I have no plans and know that I will not be able to stop thinking about all the plans we had. <P>I don't know what happened. Yesterday I spoke with a friend who recently got divorced and after speaking with him things seemed much better/clearer. I even got to sleep without talking a sominex. Today has been a complete 180. I fell like she just called me and ended it. I have not felt this bad since the 14th. Why is that? I thought I was getting better.

Tom-<P>You ARE getting better! But it takes time - a few months, probably - but it will happen, just not linearly. It's not like a cold, where you feel your worst at the beginning and then gradually but measurably feel better each day. A few steps forward, where you feel good (or at least okay) for a few days, then a couple steps back where the pain's back full force for a bit, then a few more steps forward... and eventually, the moving forward happens more often, and the backward slides are less frequent and less severe, and one day you realize you feel happy again. And that will happen! <P>Although it feels like you're at the bottom of this enormous valley of despair, know that you are not alone. I say that not to minimize your pain but in the hope that it will comfort you. Many have come before you in that valley and many will follow, others are there now and they like you will climb out slowly. You are not alone in your pain! This may be one of the loneliest, darkest times of your life, but it will pass and things will improve.<P>It may help to take a two-pronged approach to dealing with the down times: (sorry this sounds so technical!) first, to try to identify those things that trigger the most intense pain (listening to a certain sappy radio station, driving past a certain restaurant, etc.) and removing as many of those "sadness triggers" as possible. For now, this probably means temporarily eradicating all traces of your ex-girlfriend (what an ouch that word is) from your apartment. Pack away the letters, pictures, photo albums, gifts, everything, and put it someplace very difficult for you to access. Store the boxes in a friend or relative's basement for a few months if you have to. Someday, those momentos will bring fond memories, but for now, keeping them scattered around is likely to make the break-up seem less real. Yes, when you look at the certain spot on the wall where a favorite picture of her hung, there will be the twinge of knowing what should be there, but within two or three weeks the empty wall will seem more normal. Leaving her picture there means that wall will be a reminder of what was, which poses a psychological barrier to accepting the end of the relationship and moving on. Better yet - buy a new picture for the wall - a landscape, anything you like to look at.<P>Once the triggers are gone, develop a plan for dealing with the times the sadness comes on full force anyway (it will happen, although with the triggers gone it'll happen less often). Is there a longtime buddy, or someone in your family you could call who'll cheer you up? A movie that always makes you laugh? Then, on the bad days, you'll have something to do when the pain hits like a ton of bricks. If you can afford it, plan for a trip, even a short one, by yourself if you must but preferably as part of a small group. Be a tourist in a nearby city - go away for the weekend and visit all the kitschy sights. Planning the trip and having something to look forward to, even in a small way, can help keep thoughts on the future instead of the past. And keep posting!<P>Read your post right before this one - I think it was the 28th? Where you mention your brother had migraines. Remember how you felt when you wrote it? Because it sounds like when you wrote it you were feeling okay - not ecstatic, of course, maybe not even happy - but okay. And that feeling is not gone forever, it will come again, it's only a matter of when. So hang in there!<P>

Tom,<P>Reading your story made me cry. It reminds me of my own breakup with my BF of almost three years. I was also involved in a long-term, long distance relationship that has recently ended. Although the content of my story is a little different than yours, the outcome and heartache is nevertheless the same. I am still coping and griefing, but I know that only time can heal the wound. Meanwhile, I have tried to move on by doing a lot of the things younglove suggested. In addition, I find that writing down my emotions at the time of despair helps me cope. A lot of times when I feel as if I have hit the absolute bottom, I write a letter to my (ex-)BF telling him my pain and suffering, describing in details the emotions I experience at the time. The trick is to save that letter in a folder after you are done with it and keep it in a safe place instead of mailing it. I always feel much better after such a writing session. I have not decided what I am going to do with the letters yet, but I have made it a point to NOT reread the letters I have written. It will only bring back the pain.<P>I wish you the best, and please let us know how you are doing from time to time. It will also be great if you can post some of your coping strategies since we are both on the same boat.

I wish there was somehting I could tell you that has made things better for me. But there is nothing. I spend 2-3 days telling myself that things will be ok, that they are for the best this way. Then on the 4th day my illusion comes crashing down around me. I feel like I have nothing left. The next day I pull myself out of bed and build that illusion all over again, hoping that eventually I will come to believe it.<P>I too, have found solice in writing my feelings down. Since we spent 2 yrs separated by the Gulf of Mexico I have done a lot of writing, to her and to myself. It has a calming effect to get everything out of your system even if the the other person never sees what you have wrote. <P>Another thing I did was to pack up all of the picture albums, letters, anyting that reminded me of her. I took it to her when i met her to say goodbye and gave it all back. I told her I was giving it to her not to hurt her but b/c I could not bear to look at our life together/read all her letters to me telling me how we would be married and have children. I could not close the door on this chapter of my life if those things were still in my posession. One day I will call her and ask her to mail it all back to me b/c it was my life for 4 yrs and I cannot just turn my back on it, but not now.<P>I still wish every night that I had this one picture of us. It was taken in the summner of '97 the day she left for her 2 yrs in the PC. Her mom took it in the front of her house and we are holding onto each other so tight. We each had a copy of it and it got me through so many lonely nights. Now all it would do is cause me to hang on and that is not healthy.<P>My GF was #1 in my life. There was nothing that I would not do for her but i have come to realize that I was never #1 in her life. I was second or third behind her family and even her career (Peace Corps and now school again). Even knowing that now still does not make the pain any easier. I love her more every day still, but know, that we cannot be together. I know that I have lost my best friend and she hers. <P>Our breakup was one sided - she wanted to go so I let her because I loved her. When I met her almost 2 weeks ago to say goodbye there was so much pain for both of us. I could see in her eyes how much she cared for me an how hard it was for her to hurt me. But she did it anyway, that is how strongly she believed that she could not make that final commitment to me. <P>I realized I could make that commitment to her a week after we had started to see each other. Some people see it right away and others never do. Life is funny/cruel that way. I still cling to the hope that one day she will realize what she has given up but I know that I will never be able to forget what she has done. <P>She is figuring out whether or not she has feelings for this OM. That will forever haunt me and I can never forgive her for that. There comes a point in a relationship where there is no going back. We reached that point almost 6 weeks ago now when she told me about her "thoughts/feelings" for us and the OM. <P>Sometimes love is not enough. I come to realize this. If we had met at the right time for both of us we would be together now. It is just not the right time for her. She was a point in her life where she did not know what she wanted to do. She, had a job she hated, could not afford to move to where I lived (we did not want to live together before we were married). She had no direction for the first time in her life. I think that had a lot to do with our breakup.<P>I try to stay as busy as possible but it is tough b/c I am in a place where I do not know many people socially. Basically, I go running and try to get out of the house as much as possible. When I need to speak with someone I call a close friend or my parents and speak with them. It does not always make me feel better but at least I am reseiting the urge to call her. That is the worst thing I can do. <P>I don't know if any of this helps but I am a firm believer in letting your feelings out. Be it to a close friend or on paper b/c keeping them inside will just cause them to fester and then they will always be there. <P>People keep telling me that time will heal my heart. I believe that. I also beleve that I was lucky that I was able to share such a special love with my GF and have her return it to me. Yes, there is bitterness and resentment now but those feelings will fade like all the others and we will be whole again - one day!<P>I hope some if this helps. If you need me I am here - ok.

First- is it Eric or Tom? I just can't figure that out. <P>It's been a long long time since I've lurked here but if you go way way back you may find some of my posts describing my unfortunate situation - a situation with some similarities to yours. <P>Anyway, I too had a long distance thing going on the naive belief it would work. And what's worse, I was within 3 weeks of getting hitched(!) (She 'promised' all along that she was only going to stay at the new job for two years tops, etc - long story) You may consider yourself lucky in one sense: at least your GF was emotionally honest with you. <P>But maybe that's besides the point. So is MY belief that long distance things just don't work and that if your GF met 'someone else', it was probably over long before she admitted. <P>But anyway, I want to tell you that as insanely (sp?) upset as I was it passed more quickly than I expected. The best part about a LD thing is that you don't have to worry about bumping into the ex when you really don't want to. That was a huge help for me. "Out of sight" really does help the "out of mind" part. <P>AND it gets better. I won't bother you with the 'time heals..' bs and 'you'll meet someone else.' Of course you know that since you've heard it a million times. I can say this: once you do meet someone else who lives NEAR YOU you'll think the proximity is the greatest thing in the world. Since you've forgotten what it's like, you'll marvel at how much easier it all is - and that will make you most happy. (Which won't exactly hurt your new relationship.) You'll hear yourself saying "this is GREAT" then "what was I thinking?"<P>In short, life is about to get a lot better for you. LD relationships suck; they're physically demanding, financially draining, and emotionally damaging. I defy anyone who says differently. Speaking to you from the other side I have much confidence you'll soon feel the same way! Probably sooner than you think.<P>Hope I don't sound too haughty. I don't mean to. But I do say the above with sincerity<P>Best of luck<BR>Dave from NJ<P>ps -someone earlier suggested setting a goal. You run, right? Well, it just so happens that the NYC Marathon starts taking applications SOON (the race is in Nov.) Just a thought. For details: <A HREF="http://www.nyrrc.org" TARGET=_blank>www.nyrrc.org</A> <P><BR>

Hi Younglove. I am feeling better - a little bit anyway. I keep hoping that she will come back. I cannot let go of that thought. I think it everyday almost constantly. I know that I have not accepted that it is over.<P>Between the thoughts of her coming back I also have all this anger at what she did. I keep telling myself she left me b/c she thought she could not marry me. But we spoke on a thursday one night and I was ready to end it then. She asked me to please give her 2 weeks so she could try to figure it out. THat weekend she went to see this OM and when she came back on Tuesday the following week she wanted to end it, and so we did. <P>I feel so betrayed by that. I do not think I can ever forgive that. Is that wrong?? Am I being selfish? I can't help but dwell on that fact. Also, some of the things she said to me about this OM. Like, "I can see the way her adores me when I look into his eyes" are so hurtful even now 6 weeks later. How could she possibly think that he cared more for her than me. I was there for her - always. No matter what. I supported her in all that she did even if it hurt me. Her goign the the PC is a perfect example. I died a little each day that we were apart yet I was not critical of the situation and wrote to her every day so she would have a steady stream of letters/support to read. <P>Why did I let her do those things and still be nice and there for her?? I should have walked away right from the start. I think that now I regret putting up with all the pain and not just walking away 6 weeks ago. <P>She asked me one day. What if after we break up and I realize I made a big mistake? Would you take me back? At the time she asked this I told her never to worry about me not taking her back that I would always. Now I know I would really struggle with that decision. How do you work something like this out?? Is there a way? God, I miss her so much. Every little thing. I miss the way we used to laugh together and the way it made me feel. It just lives in my memory now and it is fading. That hurts me more than I can explain.

Hi Tom-<P>Whoo, boy. I sure am going to take a flogging for this. All of my other advice so far has been the "healthy" thing to do, and this is far from it. But I remember so well the agony of being left behind while the one you love blazes new trails without you.<P>This is such a terribly wrenching experience - on the one hand, there's the betrayal you feel, you're furious at her because how the hell could she do this! But then there's still the love and loyalty... and the two parts of your heart duke it out until only shreds are left. You're not wrong to feel this way, and you're not selfish - I don't blame you for wishing you'd been the one to leave six weeks ago. It does pinch the pride a little to be the one that's left, and I think what you're feeling is an "Oh, yeah? Well, I was going to leave you first!" Completely understandable. I felt the same way. You want the person back so badly but part of you has been so hurt that you don't know if you could trust her again if you got her back.<P>If you'd rather just have someplace to vent and know someone will listen, I'd be happy to keep my two cents to myself. But just in case you want it... if I were you (which is not to imply this is the healthy or "right" thing to do, but merely what I would do) I would call her and ask her if the two of you can try again. Here's why: you said that on a Thursday, you wanted to end it, and she saw the OM that weekend. Then on Tuesday, she said she wanted to end it. Well, any OM would seem like a good choice if you know your BF is about to dump you. It's possible she thought your break-up was inevitable, that you were going to end it with her anyway... maybe not. But right now you're feeling like you wish you'd dumped her first - maybe she didn't want to give you the chance to be the one to break it off and thought that's what was going to happen.<P>Second, one of two things will happen. Either she'll say yes, in which case you'll have a lot of work ahead of you but the hope you'll have will ease the pain. Or, she'll say no, which will hurt like the dickens... but as crazy as it sounds, that may make you feel better by helping you accept the end.

Hey Younglove,<P> I do not think I will call her and ask her back b/c I have done enough groveling. Right now I think that she does not deserve a guy like me - I'm to good for her. When she realizes what she gave up she will know it. When the next guy she goes out with treats her like crap she will know.<P>Right now I am just angry with her. Yesterday I broke down and cried for about an hour. I think that should hold me over for another week or so. I feel so weak when that happens. All day yesterday I wanted to write/call her. I am so glad I did not b/c I would have had nothing good to say. Only hurtful things.<P>But I do appreciate your 2 cents worth and I hope that you continue to give me your opinions/thoughts on things. Like I wrote a friend of mine the other day; having people to write to and and speak with helps so much I can't even begin to explain.<P>Thanks

Ericstm,<BR>I have read your postings and me too have been in a long distance relationship. One thing I can tell you is to stop trying to contact your girlfriend altogether. I know it will feel like impossible to do but believe me if she has sent you mixed messages you should not be kept hanging by a thread. My suggestion is this. (right now I think it is worth the shot) considering she seems to want to move on. Do not contact her AT ALL make sure she notices that you have moved on with your life in the sense that you go out with friends and are happy. This might sound cruel but presently I am reading the book suggested in this site called Divorce Busters and one thing the book suggests is that when you keep on trying to convince your loved one how much she means to you it will make her more adamant to stop the relationship. So the idea is this make sure she notices you are happy (I know that right now you might say "yeah as if I can bear to look at her let alone show her I am happy") please try and try. Count the seconds if necessary make a picture in your head of what and how you will act but make sure she gets the message and then try to be nice and caring towards other girls in her prescence to show her what she is about to lose (do not flirt just be nice) then move back and wait do not succomb to calling her (lock your self in a room if necessary). I know this suggestion might sound harsh but the idea is based on solution oriented therapy which is when all else fails try this! If it works then you are fine but please do not become a yo yo for her I know you love her. I honestly can see all the pain you are going through but now that you are still in a stage where she seems to care but in a maze make sure you get her once and for all to decide. The hard part is that if she decides for the worst then you have to accept it too. But for now I suggest you do this. I hope I have been of some help and that your girlfriend gets it into her head to return to you but at this point such words are not good to you. And another thing which might sound crazy which I do with myself reassure yourself do not become a wreck PLEASE do not. And remember you are in my prayers in a strong way.<BR>Take care<BR>Hopeful<BR>

Hi Tom-<P>Your latest post - about not wanting to call her, she'll realize later what she's missing - sounds much stronger and more confident than some of your previous posts. Good for you! <P>I am, however, very leery of the type of game playing you suggest, Stubborn (hopeful? I wasn't sure why your user name and sign-off are different). Sure, maybe sometimes it helps, but sometimes it backfires and the consequences last a lifetime. I stand by my earlier advice that, when someone is struggling to accept the end of the relationship, it's best to call the ex-partner. This, too, is "solution-based": either reconciliation happens or the caller is rebuffed. Painful, yes, but that can help him or her accept the end. <P>I don't mean to be judgmental, it's certainly an understandable reaction and one I too frequently felt when left behind - but don't hang onto the anger to your ex-GF too long. I may be wrong, but it seems to me your revengeful statements about her stem from your own anger. Anger can be nice - it's certainly "easier" to bear than sadness - but anger can eat a hole in your heart and make it hard to love again if it's not released.<P>Sorry for the psychobabble - I was up quite early today and I think it must be naptime.<P>

Younglove,<P>Thanks for writing back. As far as calling her and asking her to come back – I would love to do that. But the relationship has ended. She told me that she wanted to break up on March 14th. I know what she will say if I ask her. She will say “no, I love you but I cannot marry you and that is why we cannot be together.”<P>I do want to call her. I am not angry at her, I am sad for us b/c we had so many plans. When I see a young couple with children I think of her and I and how our family would have been. I am not playing a game with her, I am trying to respect what her wishes are. She does not want any contact with me right now. God knows that I want to call her every day like we used to speak. But should I not respect her wishes?? <BR>

Tom (ericstm):<P>I think you are right to back off. Four years ago, my boyfriend broke up with me to go back to an ex with whom he'd had a longer previous history with at the time. For some time he vacillated trying to decide if he should stay with me or go back to her. I knew about it the whole time, so I did not feel it he was "cheating" on me, especially because we'd only been going out for four months at the time.<P>With all that said, here is my point (and it is a point of some encouragement). I finally told him to get the things he had left at my apartment, and leave me out of it because I had waited long enough (about two months). He did try to have a relationship with her, but now instead of looking at it from the stand point of which one of us he preferred, he now had to look at only whether or not the relationship between he and his ex was something he really was happy with. I would hear from him about once every 2.5 months for about 9 months. That last time I told him that I really cared for him and was interested in a relationship, not a friendship with him, and told him never to call me again.<P>Apparently, realizing that he would lose me forever was something that he thought a great deal about the next 4 months. Also, the relationship with the ex was not working out. He broke up with her, and begged me to give him a second chance. With PLENTY of hesitation, I did give him a second chance. <P>I gave him a second chance over three years ago. We have been together ever since, and in time I got over the fact that he went back to his ex for that time. It wasn't easy, but it has been worth it. I am very much in love with him, and he with me. And we talk about a future together all the time now.<P>Of course, no-one knows if your ex girlfriend will come around, but I firmly believe the only way she might is if you cut her loose completely. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have ask my boyfriend to get his stuff from my apartment weeks sooner than I had, and would have not allowed those couple of phone calls that happened while he was still with her. I would have politely said, "I really like you. But I cannot talk to you if you are still going out with her. Please only call me if you ever break up with her."<P>In your case you have a much longer history with her, so this might not be what you would like to do. On the other hand, I think there is nothing wrong with you asking if she has discontinued seeing this other guy. After all, if he is "so great" why didn't she run and tell him about the GRE results? <P>I think she needs to see what life is REALLY like without you. She will never know if you do not allow her to see.<P>She sounds confused, not firm, about her decision to leave. I don't want to give you false hope, but she doesn't sound confident about her own decision at all (from what I've read).<P>But for right now it is important for you to grieve when you need to, and to distract yourself with a new routine to get through this no matter what happens in the future.<P>God bless you, and I will pray for you!<BR>

Duplicate message - erasing...<p>[This message has been edited by felix18 (edited April 09, 2000).]

Hi Tom-<P>I didn't mean to imply that your current behavior is game-playing, the game comment was directed to stubborn/hopeful, because s/he suggested you let your ex-GF see you being happy with others, treating other girls well, etc., etc. From what I've heard of your situation, this isn't even possible, due to the distance, but even if it was possible I think it's inadvisable. Personally, my belief is that playing games makes a farce of the relationship.<P>I'm sorry if you've explained this in previous posts and I've just forgotten - but when she told you she can't marry you, was she more specific as to why? Just wondering. <BR>I guess I just have more of an optimistic approach than most. My BF and I just had a wonderful weekend together, and finally started in on Dr. Harley's workbook, so although we've had our fair share of problems right now I'm particularly optimistic for the possibilities of reconciliation in derailed long-term relationships.<P>During our break-up, my BF told me repeatedly that it was o-v-e-r. He also told me repeatedly he still loved me, and call me naive, call me a hopeless romantic, but I believed those two statements to be mutually exclusive. In our case, my persistence worked. Nearly every day he thanks me for sticking with him even while he shoved me away. I'm sure there are plenty of couples for whom this didn't work and for whom ending contact might have worked, but there are also lots of couples like me and my BF for whom love and loyalty won out. My opinions are based on what I've seen to be successful, and I don't know anyone at all for whom distance brought them closer together. All I've seen distance do is widen the gap. That's not all it need do, but that's all I've known it to do. <P>In general, yes, you should respect your GF's wishes. But as I've heard my BF say more than once - what he said he wanted and what he really wanted in his heart weren't the same during that time, but the fear our problems were intractable froze his heart to what was inside. Had I kept my distance, it wouldn't have thawed. I agree with Felix that it sounds as though your GF is a bit confused as to what she wants. Also, comparing situations with Felix is more like comparing apples to apples - with me and my BF, there was no OP to complicate matters. If you want her back, I'm a firm believer in Plan A. If you don't, Plan B's the way to go. (explained well in Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts page). But either way - don't let young couples with children make you feel your plans for the future have crashed on take-off... those are still your plans, and if it's just not meant to be with you and your GF you WILL love someone else in time. The plans for the future aren't gone forever.

Hey again,<P> My GF was never specific about why she could not marry me. She said it was a "feeling in her bones." So, really I have no idea. That's what makes it all so frustrating. It also did not just pop up in the last months. Her and I had spoken about marriage and she always said she thought she could not marry me but did not know the reason. I always thought that when we finally lived in the same town she would come around. <P>She was supposed to move here in Jan., which then turned into Feb., and then March 1st. About 2 weeks before she was set to move here is when she told the OP that she always wondered why they had not dated. From there everything is downhill. You know the story.<P> I would love to stay in contact with her and try to win her back. But she is not something to be won. <P>The problem with staying in contact is I already tried that route from Feb 14th to March 14th and all that did was drive her further away and disolve a lot of the feelings we had for one another. The only way I would want to be with her again was if she came back on her own free accord. Not b/c of somehting I did. Does that make sense to you?<P>Another reason staying in contact would be tough is the distance. She lives in Orlando now and I am in Sarasota. We are 140 miles apart. She is going back to school in the summer and that will cause the distance to widen to 190 miles. <P>I know that I will love again and that I will have kids. But at this point I am still thinking that she was the one that I wanted to do all those things with.

Felix18,<P> Thanks for the kind words and prayers. I do hope that she comes back - with all my heart. But I know her and she is firm on her decision. Plus, she is stubborn and will want to give this breakup a try. It is hard for me to imagine life without her and it is tough, especially, on Friday's and Sunday's (we would always spend the weekends together). <P> All of this would be so much easier if she told me that she did not love me anymore and left me for this OP. That is what I suspect happened but I do not know for sure. So, until she contacts me I will let those questions lie. <P>Thanks again.