</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your constructive comments were appreciated your insult was not, however expected. Unless you have been put in this situation as a father or that this has happened to you before you can't understand or appreciate the emotions. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Niether can you understand or appreciate the emotions your W is going through. You do not know what it is like to be pregnant, and you will never know. Likewise, you also do not know what it is like to have an abortion and will never know.

I know both of those things. Abortion does not make put your life back to where it was before. Abortion is different than erasing the pregnancy. There will be no child, but there still was a pregnancy. Your body still changes, you still go through hormones - and I never have been able to find the words to express the psychological effects.

Buck,

Your comments frankly disgust me. "Put her on Depo" ... you address this as if his W were a cow he owns. You also frankly assume that she deliberately attempted to get pregnant and deliberately deceived him.

First of all - BIRTH CONTROL IS NOT SOLELY A WOMAN'S JOB. If notagain feels so strongly about not being a new father right now, he should have taken steps himself to ensure that he did not become one. She didn't impregnate herself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why did she switch brands again? There is no use to switch unless there was some problem and she should have told you about it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you a doctor, and what right do you have to know this woman's medical history? There are many reasons to switch BC pills. There are side effects, interactions, and consequences to BC pills, just as there are with any drug. You are introducing foreign hormones into your body. Your risk for cervical cancer and other problems increase.

There are the reimbursement rates and patient responsibility percentages required by PBMs - Pharmaceutical Benefit Managers - on the medication. When a generic becomes available, the name brand medication will probably fall off of the formulary. It will, at the bare minimum, increase in cost to the patient.

Even if you are a doctor, this woman is not your patient and you cannot possibly have evaluated her or know the reasons she and her doctor - who has evaluated her - switched her medications.

The attitudes and approach you suggest will bring this man closer to a divorce than to a resolution for his problem.

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

ok, I've read the posts and I just want to ask a question. Did you two talk about having kids before you got married? You obviously didn't want children, but what about her? You should've gotten this issue out in the open. As a woman, I have to say that you shouldn't try and put all the blame on her. Birth control pills, while very effective, are not fool-proof. I got pregnant on BCP's just because I took antibiotics and they decreased the effect of the hormones in the pills. She may have decieved you and tried intentionally to get pregnant, but that's something you need to talk about with her. On another note, If you didn't want kids that bad you should've talked to your wife about getting a vasectomy and reversing it when you both decided the time was right. That would've saved you both a lot of anger and grief.

I do wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide to do. May you both have a happy future.

Sincerely,
Amy Lynn

Get a vasectomy, dude.

Hi...I'm about your wife's age, newly married, and pregnant, so I just thought I'd speak up a little.
I think you are getting great advise and given the circumstances, just going with the flow and looking for the positives in the storm is probably the best advice at this point.

If you truly believe that she did not intentionally get pregnant behind your back, then toss this whole deception idea out the window. Don't think about that, anymore. If you're not convinced, then talk to her about that. The pregnancy itself is a different issue and should be kept separate from trust issues.

What I really want to say is to please keep sight of the hormonal mess your wife is going through. Since I got pregnant back at the start of September, I've spent an amazing amount of time online researching everything there is to know about pregnancy, labor and birth, and babies. Let me tell you that there is a LOT of information and a LOT of it just makes you worry continuously at the start of the pregnancy. For example, your wife may have read that it is really bad to get sick during the first trimester because if you get a fever, that can have severe effects on the embryo. That first trimester is when the spine develops and a fever in the mom can cause neural tube disorders. Ucky stuff. It scares the crap out of you, ya know? She may have read to avoid doctors offices and hospitals since that is where sick people hang out because she is so scared to get sick. It's actually fairly logical, but we don't even have to talk logic. She's pregnant and most logic is a mute point when your hormones take over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I can't possibly understand the feelings you are experiencing with regards to this unexpected pregnancy at this stage in your life anymore than you can really understand what your pregnant wife is feeling. Just please keep that in mind. Certain accusations, resentment, regret, whatever could be really hurting her at this stage in her life where she is discovering what is probably the most incredible and beautiful experience ever for the first time.

I'm also pro-choice, but after reading your story, I'd really abandon abortion talks. If you absolutely did not want another baby and she didn't want the baby and that baby was going to have a miserable childhood with miserable or even divorced parents, I might consider abortion, but that's not the case at all. Not only should you consider how much longer you'd be willing to have children, but she's at an age where it starts becoming more risky to get pregnant. I imagine that a big part of her will die if she aborts this baby. So, unless you are deadset on ending this pregnancy or ending your marriage, just let it go and focus on taking care of your new, pregnant wife. She needs you so much, right now. She needs you to trust her and to take care of her. This is the time to accept that things didn't go as planned and make the best of them. I can tell you that this pregnancy for me has been the most amazing time of my life and I just couldn't imagine if my husband wasn't a part of that joy. Yes, we planned it, but even if we hadn't, that wouldn't change what my body is going through.

Take care of yourself and your needs, but figure out which things you can't do anything about and make the best of them. And be there for that beautiful wife of yours. She needs you.

Smile