Rutger, <P>Me experience: When H cam home after the 1st separation, i don't hink he wanted to talk at all about hings. I think he needed some time to "defuse" and use his energy on separating from the OW. In his own way, I think he DID try to cut her out of his life, but he just wasn't prepared to do what it takes. Then like a true addict, he thought he would just keep contacting her and that's all...blah, blah, blah.....it doesn't work!<P>But, you guys should talk about how to handle setbacks BEFORE they happen. I wish my H and I had done that. My impression of his setback was that he thought he was a "failure" and this must mean that he "can't" give the OW up.<P>Again, take it slow, BUT you guys need to have an agreed upon PLAN for success (NSR will give you the Harley scoop if you need it). My H and I lacked that and he only stayed 2 1/2 weeks before leaving agin.<P>You CAN be successful!!!<P>Roll Me Away

Rutger, <P>God is good!<P>I have nothing to add to the wonderful advice given here. I am happy for you. I agree that you shouldn't focus on the past, even if the past was yesterday. By calling you and telling you what she did, she's reaching out to you. Now it's your choice to reach back. And I would. <P>You're going to make it, Rutger.<P>God Bless you.<P>SHA

Hey Rudger -<P>What fabulous news!!!!! YAY!!!!<P>Everyone's pretty much said it all!!<P>Now is your time to shine....with the knowledge you've gained, the tools at your disposal, the counseling and the love in your heart, you and your wife will be fine.<P>You will both be in my prayers and remember that we are always here for you both.<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

Rutger -- I was thinking about you just the other day, and wondering how you were doing. Then today at work, I saw this thread. I went to try and E-Mail you, but for some reason, I can't access my E-Mail right now. When I am finally able to get back into E-Mail, I will write you more in-depth.<P>Until then, let me say CONGRATULATIONS. I know this came as a surprise to you, and I know this news will give you a lot of things to think about.<P>If I can add just one thing to your list of things to ponder . . . You love your W very much. You were devastated when you found out. I will take you some time to sort everything out. Just make sure that you do it together this time.<P>God Bless

RMA,<BR>Good idea, I will try to bring up the issue of setbacks before they occur. I want her to feel safe with me..... In time.<P>SHA,<BR>My friend, I am sorry you are so down lately. Your in my thoughts and I hope you will cheer up soon. It seems to be the normal cycle around here..... Up and down. I know, She has taken a big leap of faith here, I feel good about that. I hope she is sure about her decision, The more I talk with her the better I feel. Thank you for your reply and take care.<P>Sheba,<BR>Thank you, I have learned alot here and from all of you. I will use that our advantage, I want to be my Wifes best friend.... And her husband.<P>ES,<BR>I look forward to your thoughts, Thank you. I plan on spending as much time with her as we can handle without being over done. I want us to grow closer together than we never thought possible, Like a husband and wife should.... <P>

HI,<BR> Thanks for the good news!!! I vote "Let her in!! Just make sure you DO work with counseling!! It's a lot harder to paint and carpet a house "AFTER" you move in. It makes you keep putting it off.<BR> My W may be close to saying the same thing to me! We have a really good stretch going. Hopefully its going to break for a few of us with the holidays here!!My prayers and good luck!! FRANK<P>

Frank,<BR>Thank you for your kind thoughts.... The counseling appointment has been made. I am excited, I want to get this recovery train moving. It's a nice change of pace to feel good for once. We have been talking everyday, With each conversation we grow a little closer. I hope yor Wife comes around soon, Its a good feeling.<P>Good luck and happy Turkey day<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>