Lone Knight,<P>Been thinking about you. How are you doing? Would like to hear an update.<P>Love and Prayers, KristyAnn

Kristie Ann<BR>Things are no better, in fact getting worse.<BR>I can't accumulate the money I must pay to a litigator to fight for joint custody of my daughter. My wife refuses to talk to me about anything except when I am bringing our daughter back to her. She won't listen to anything I have to say about how I would like another chance. She is determined to go ahead with the divorce. My bills are piling up to the ceiling because I can't pay them. I have a refridgerator that doesn't work, but I can't afford to pay someone to repair it. Everything is falling apart and I can't stop it. It's over and I AM defeated and there isn't a blasted thing that can be done to reconcile this family to GOD and to each other. I see that now.<BR>

Lone Knight,<P>I may be totally off base here, but it seems to me that God is working *mightily* in your life right now! He is allowing you to lose everything because he wants you to GIVE it to HIM!! All of it -- EVERYTHING! Turn it over, surrender, wave the white flag and hand over your burdens to Him. Quit trying to do it all yourself. He wants you to realize that He is the *only one* you need to be turning to right now. Let him handle the rest. There is some peace waiting for you right around the corner and you may be amazed at how God will provide "fixes" for your problems if you will only let Him. Miracles may be awaiting you. Be patient, though, God's timetable is different than ours and we have to make room for Him to work in our lives.<P>I'm sorry if these words are not necessarily of great comfort to you in this time of trouble -- but they *do* come out of love and compassion for you as a sister in Christ. I've read some of the prayers that you have offered up for others and your love of the Lord is apparent. Let go, dear one, and let God. (Trite, I know, but true)<P>Keep me posted. You are on my mind.<P>Love and prayers, KristyAnn<P><p>[This message has been edited by KristyAnn (edited August 18, 2000).]

Lone-Knight,<P>KA is right. Let God provide for you. I have came to the ralization that the only one who can fix my marraige is God. once I came to that realaztion things started to turn around. My prayers are with you.<P>Michelle

I have to share something. I came back here to see how Lone Knight was holding up and I read through my last couple of posts. I realized that I need to follow my own advice. I've been so depressed the last couple of days I can hardly get out of bed. <P>Lone Knight, I know how hard it is to let God handle everything because I'm struggling with that one, too. I still believe it is the ONLY way to find some degree of comfort, though. <P>Feel free to email me, if you want. My address is tygergurl@aol.com. We are very much in the same boat and I would like someone to share some mutual support and encouragement.<P>Take care, KristyAnn

LoneKnight,<P>Are you out there? Thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Please post and let me know if you're okay.<P>Love and prayers<BR>KristyAnn

Kristie Ann;<BR>I thank you for your concerns and your prayers. I have now reached the point where I have lost the ability to care what happens anymore. I'm tired of battling, believing, trying to keep my faith alive. The counseling doesn't seem to be helping, the nmedication the anti-depressants are not working. There is no joy in my heart except for the few hours I am given with my daughter. I used to love to play mssic and that passion has also faded into the past. I will no longer feel sorry for myself, I did the best I could with the life I have been given and chosen. If GOD has plans for me, then so be it, I will neither get excited, nor will I seek the ability to care. My only focus is my daughter. Beyond that, sink or swim, I no longer care. Come heaven, come hell matters not. I have fought the good fight as best I could and I will surrender my all and let this chips fall where they may. I quit. If GOD is going to do anything with this life, it's up to HIM. I'm not going to fight or care anymore about anything except my daughter, and take care of her as best I can even when she is not here. Beyond that. I'm finished. My wife and I no longer communicate, I have shut everyone around me, locally, out. And unless my daughter is here, I have little or no contact with the outside world except the job I have which I despise, but apparently that's where GOD wants me. So be it.<BR>GOD Bless you and keep you.<BR>Thank you for your prayers and your convern.<BR>Jim<BR>

Oh Jim,<P>I hear your pain and totally understand the feeling of hopelessness, fear, rejection, the slam to your self-esteem. I have prayed many nights for God to just take me home, I don't want to be here anymore, I can't stand the pain one more day. Jim, you must change your attitude. I know it is hard during a depression, but you must get the mind set that divorce or not, you will be okay, life can have happy days again. Do it for your daughter, do it for yourself. Force yourself back into contact with friends. I know it is hard to hang out with friends and pretend everything is okay when inside you feel like you are dying and no one understands. Fake it for a while if you have to, just get out. Eventually when you're with your friends, you start to connect with their lives or the activity you're involved in and you don't concentrate on your problems so much. I still have days where I just break down, but they are stretching out and yours will too. <P>I'll continue to pray for you, I truly hope your marriage is healed, as I do with mine (mine not looking good, final hearing set for October with no indication my husband is listening to God-but still hanging on to my hope in God). I pray for peace for you, peace with being Jim. God Bless.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The counseling doesn't seem to be helping, the medication the anti-depressants are not working.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Anti-depressants work if there is a chemical imbalance present within the body. If they are not working for you, then my guess is that you do not have a chemical imbalance but a heart imbalance.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>JOB 38:4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?<BR> Tell me, if you understand.<P> JOB 38:5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!<BR> Who stretched a measuring line across it?<P> JOB 38:6 On what were its footings set,<BR> or who laid its cornerstone--<P> JOB 38:7 while the morning stars sang together<BR> and all the angels* shouted for joy?<P> JOB 38:8 "Who shut up the sea behind doors<BR> when it burst forth from the womb,<P> JOB 38:9 when I made the clouds its garment<BR> and wrapped it in thick darkness,<P> JOB 38:10 when I fixed limits for it<BR> and set its doors and bars in place,<P> JOB 38:11 when I said, `This far you may come and no farther;<BR> here is where your proud waves halt'?<P> JOB 38:12 "Have you ever given orders to the morning,<BR> or shown the dawn its place,<P> JOB 38:13 that it might take the earth by the edges<BR> and shake the wicked out of it?<P> JOB 38:14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;<BR> its features stand out like those of a garment.<P> JOB 38:15 The wicked are denied their light,<BR> and their upraised arm is broken.<P> JOB 38:16 "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea<BR> or walked in the recesses of the deep?<P> JOB 38:17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?<BR> Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death*?<P> JOB 38:18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?<BR> Tell me, if you know all this.<P> JOB 38:19 "What is the way to the abode of light?<BR> And where does darkness reside?<P> JOB 38:20 Can you take them to their places?<BR> Do you know the paths to their dwellings?<P> JOB 38:21 Surely you know, for you were already born!<BR> You have lived so many years!<P> JOB 38:22 "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow<BR> or seen the storehouses of the hail,<P> JOB 38:23 which I reserve for times of trouble,<BR> for days of war and battle?<P> JOB 38:24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,<BR> or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?<P> JOB 38:25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,<BR> and a path for the thunderstorm,<P> JOB 38:26 to water a land where no man lives,<BR> a desert with no one in it,<P> JOB 38:27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland<BR> and make it sprout with grass?<P> JOB 38:28 Does the rain have a father?<BR> Who fathers the drops of dew?<P> JOB 38:29 From whose womb comes the ice?<BR> Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens<P> JOB 38:30 when the waters become hard as stone,<BR> when the surface of the deep is frozen?<P> JOB 38:31 "Can you bind the beautiful* Pleiades?<BR> Can you loose the cords of Orion?<P> JOB 38:32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons*<BR> or lead out the Bear* with its cubs?<P> JOB 38:33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?<BR> Can you set up God's* dominion over the earth?<P> JOB 38:34 "Can you raise your voice to the clouds<BR> and cover yourself with a flood of water?<P> JOB 38:35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?<BR> Do they report to you, `Here we are'?<P> JOB 38:36 Who endowed the heart* with wisdom<BR> or gave understanding to the mind*?<P> JOB 38:37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?<BR> Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens<P> JOB 38:38 when the dust becomes hard<BR> and the clods of earth stick together?<P> JOB 38:39 "Do you hunt the prey for the lioness<BR> and satisfy the hunger of the lions<P> JOB 38:40 when they crouch in their dens<BR> or lie in wait in a thicket?<P> JOB 38:41 Who provides food for the raven<BR> when its young cry out to God<BR> and wander about for lack of food?<P> JOB 39:1 "Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?<BR> Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?<P> JOB 39:2 Do you count the months till they bear?<BR> Do you know the time they give birth?<P> JOB 39:3 They crouch down and bring forth their young;<BR> their labor pains are ended.<P> JOB 39:4 Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;<BR> they leave and do not return.<P> JOB 39:5 "Who let the wild donkey go free?<BR> Who untied his ropes?<P> JOB 39:6 I gave him the wasteland as his home,<BR> the salt flats as his habitat.<P> JOB 39:7 He laughs at the commotion in the town;<BR> he does not hear a driver's shout.<P> JOB 39:8 He ranges the hills for his pasture<BR> and searches for any green thing.<P> JOB 39:9 "Will the wild ox consent to serve you?<BR> Will he stay by your manger at night?<P> JOB 39:10 Can you hold him to the furrow with a harness?<BR> Will he till the valleys behind you?<P> JOB 39:11 Will you rely on him for his great strength?<BR> Will you leave your heavy work to him?<P> JOB 39:12 Can you trust him to bring in your grain<BR> and gather it to your threshing floor?<P> JOB 39:13 "The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully,<BR> but they cannot compare with the pinions and feathers of the stork.<P> JOB 39:14 She lays her eggs on the ground<BR> and lets them warm in the sand,<P> JOB 39:15 unmindful that a foot may crush them,<BR> that some wild animal may trample them.<P> JOB 39:16 She treats her young harshly, as if they were not hers;<BR> she cares not that her labor was in vain,<P> JOB 39:17 for God did not endow her with wisdom<BR> or give her a share of good sense.<P> JOB 39:18 Yet when she spreads her feathers to run,<BR> she laughs at horse and rider.<P> JOB 39:19 "Do you give the horse his strength<BR> or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?<P> JOB 39:20 Do you make him leap like a locust,<BR> striking terror with his proud snorting?<P> JOB 39:21 He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength,<BR> and charges into the fray.<P> JOB 39:22 He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;<BR> he does not shy away from the sword.<P> JOB 39:23 The quiver rattles against his side,<BR> along with the flashing spear and lance.<P> JOB 39:24 In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground;<BR> he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.<P> JOB 39:25 At the blast of the trumpet he snorts, `Aha!'<BR> He catches the scent of battle from afar,<BR> the shout of commanders and the battle cry.<P> JOB 39:26 "Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom<BR> and spread his wings toward the south?<P> JOB 39:27 Does the eagle soar at your command<BR> and build his nest on high?<P> JOB 39:28 He dwells on a cliff and stays there at night;<BR> a rocky crag is his stronghold.<P> JOB 39:29 From there he seeks out his food;<BR> his eyes detect it from afar.<P> JOB 39:30 His young ones feast on blood,<BR> and where the slain are, there is he."<P>JOB 40:1 The LORD said to Job:<P> JOB 40:2 "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?<BR> Let him who accuses God answer him!"<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Townsend and Cloud in their book Boundaries in Marriage make a point in regards to anger that really has touched my heart. Perhaps it will yours:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Anger is our basic protest against the fact that we are not God and that we cannot control reality<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Perhaps this season you are ging through now has a much different purpose that what you thought it was for.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>ECC 3:1 There is a time for everything,<BR> and a season for every activity under heaven:<P> ECC 3:2 a time to be born and a time to die,<BR> a time to plant and a time to uproot,<P> ECC 3:3 a time to kill and a time to heal,<BR> a time to tear down and a time to build,<P> ECC 3:4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,<BR> a time to mourn and a time to dance,<P> ECC 3:5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,<BR> a time to embrace and a time to refrain,<P> ECC 3:6 a time to search and a time to give up,<BR> a time to keep and a time to throw away,<P> ECC 3:7 a time to tear and a time to mend,<BR> a time to be silent and a time to speak,<P> ECC 3:8 a time to love and a time to hate,<BR> a time for war and a time for peace.<P>ECC 3:9 What does the worker gain from his toil? [10] I have seen the burden God has laid on men. [11] He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. [12] I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. [13] That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God. [14] I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Enjoy the pleasure you receive from your little one and relish the love in the One who created her and allowed you to parent her.<P>[quote]2TI 4:2- Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. [3] For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. [4] They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. [5] But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.<P>Praying for you my brother in Christ.

The continuing saga...<BR>I went to my counselors office moday night and after discussing things at length he said he is comming to the conclusion that maybe GOD is using me as a martyr. I looked at him and I said martyrs are dead people and he said "I know." "Maybe GOD is using you to see how much one person can take before he takes matters into his own hands and ends his life." To say I was stunned would be a gross understatement....Secondly. My anti-depressant medication makes me so very sleepy that I can't hear my alarm clock in the mornings. I was late for work everyday last week, and monday of this week. I stayed up all night monday and its now 11:30 p.m. and I still haven't slept, nor am I sleepy. I stopped taking the anti-depressants last night, cold turkey and cancelled my appointments with my counselor AND also my psychologist. My faith has died as well as my trust in GOD. I won't curse HIM, and I am trying to praise HIM, but even that is no longer a joy, it is a chore that i am beginning to like less and less.<BR>I haven't heard from my wife in a month and I ache more and more every single day. But I can't change anything about the situation, but I don't have faith that GOD is doing anything either. Who knows. I'm dying a litltle more in side each day.<BR>I don't want it to be over, but I can't fight the battles for the entire family.<BR>

Hi lone-knight been wondering about you. My prayers are with you.

Dear Lone Knight,<P>No matter how hard it may seem, even if you don't feel like doing it, get down on your knees before God. Don't say anything. Just lift up your heart to Him. Let Him give you comfort. Stay there for as long as it takes. Open up to Him, open your heart, let the tears fall, and then give it all over to Him. <P>My situation is also dire, and the only thing I know for sure in my life is that God is with me and always will be. If it weren't for Him, I wouldn't be able to function -- much like how you say things are for you. He is my Hope, my Rock, my Salvation -- and He is yours, too. Lean on Him, let Him carry you right now. <P>I wish I could give you a big hug in person, but this is the best I can do for you here. <BR>(((((((((((((Lone Knight))))))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry you are in such pain. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you,<BR>KristyAnn<P>

My wife called me last night screaming at me because I haven't signed the divorce papers yet. I told her I will NOT sign them until I can hire and attorney to help me fight for joint custody of our daughter. She says no way to joint custody, no way she and I will EVER be married or together ever again and the entire family hates me with a seething passion. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow morning. I DON'T WANT this divorce and the prayers the total devotions to GODS will, everything everyone suggests is wonderful but everything seems to be making matters worse. Instead of trying to communicate she is pushing me further away. Fine. let her go. If I could I would. Now for the rest of the story.... I have 4,000.00 in bills that are due yesterday and 53.00 in the bank, Our credit is destroyed to the point that I couldn't get a loan to buy a postage stamp. Family is out of the question because they don't seem to think she or I will ever amount to anything and they would be wasting their time and their money. My wife plans to file for bankruptcy after the divorce is fianl... fine for her, still leaves me holding the bag for everything with our names on it. They will now come after me to get money I don't have and can't get. MY daughter suffers in the mean time because although both parents love her, my wife won't even give me the time of day. GOD is ABLE, but completely UNWILLING to help us, unless HIS help is to make sure everything is completely destroyed. Tonight is going to be difficult, I have all these bills to think about with no money, a wife and family that hate me and are trying to make sure I don't see my daughter anymore and depression that would kill an elephant. Staying alive, literally, is the focus of my thoughts at this moment. GOD will never put on us any more than we can handle? That may be true, but HE will let the enemy pile on any damn thing he wants to and GOD backs it up, or so it would seem. I can not compare myself to JOB, and never will, but I have reached the end of my sanity and the end of my desire to be a breathing member of society. She want's out. She gets her wish, I get to hold the bag of debt and have no way of getting out of it. The only light in this situation is there is no debtors prison anymore..... but I'll lose everything anyway. You get used to it after it happens to you for all of your 34 years. Thank you Jesus for your lessons in life. Thank GOD for struggles and defeats. Thank GOD for being there and helping when it's needed the most.<BR>I can't even pray anymore... I feel like it only makes things worse. I don't even feel emotions anymore. They seem like such a waste of time. I want my family back, I want to defeat this depression. Nothing is working nor happening to reach those goals. I have become the failure that I have always been forcasted to be and GOD Himself seems to be enjoying every moment of my literal destruction. Halleluiah. Glory to GOD.<BR>

Hi Lone-knight<P>My prayers are with you. My H used to be screaming bad also. Thats because they are not happy themselves. My thought on that matter is if they were so happy with themselves and what they are doing why scream at me. My H has put himself in a world of mess. He has 40000 in credit card debt and is still writing bad checks. He has forward his mail back to our house. In the last week he has a letter from the Prosecutors office(bad checks), his attorney(a bill which he throw away) 2 certified letters(bad checks my guess. I dont know when he will stop thats in Gods hands. I to will file bankrupcy with H because of a 40000 2nd mortage on the house and a blazer all my other devts are clear and free. oh I do have a Dr bill. When all is said and done i will still have credit cards because mine are paid off and i can reastablish my credit faster. Of well Ii know that that doesnt make this any easier but i just want you to know you are not alone.<P>Michelle

It's Friday August 25. I'm going to see a lawyer about this divorce. I wish GOD would find a way to STOP it and bring our family back together until death parts us. I truly do feel completely defeated and I can't seem to fight to win this spiritual battle the devil has waged upon my family. Why GOD, WHY???<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>LK 22:31 "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. [32] But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>One of Satan's chief weapons is discouragement and he knows that if we become discouraged or dispirited we will not fight the battle for holiness. (Or anything else for that matter)<BR>

Well said, SueB! <P>Lone Knight, <P>We are praying for you. I read your words and wish there was something more I could do. Even though you feel God has abandoned you, He has not. He is faithful! God is right beside you -- simply turn to Him. You may not have instant answers for what your are dealing with, but be patient and let God take control. There is a lot of comfort in putting things in His hands.<P>I'm still praying for you,<BR>KristyAnn

My wife called me earlier to tell me that her plans had changed and she wanted tp pick up our daughter early in the morning. My daughter and I go to church on Sundays and I would not be home until 12:30 or so. My wife got livid and the fights began. I would hang up she would call back, she would hang up then she would call back. Finally she said, "fine I will drop the divorce motion and since there is not a legal seperation filed, I won't have to let you see our daughter. " I told her I would still consult with my attorney and have a legal seperation drawn up and it would have visitation and custody issues in it. I will not abandon our marriage, but more importantly will NOT abandon our daughter by giving my wife sole custody and not be allowed to see her. IF my wife holds true to her word, then GOD HAS blessed us with a miracle. MY wife will drop the divorce but we will still have to defeat the enemy in trying to reconcile this family. Praise GOD ! There is renewed hope for this family!<BR>Please continue to pray for this family and help us remove satan from our marriage and restore this family to GOD and to each other. Don't stop praying, PLEASE ! <BR>Thank you everyone for Every single prayer ! GOD is an AWESOME GOD !!! and Miracles DO happen ! Praise the name of Jesus, Thank you Father !

It is the waiting for Gods miracles to happen is the hardest. I can tell in your post that you are feeling better about things. My prayers are with you always.<P>Michelle<P>Dear God Please continue to show lone-knight that you are working on the marraige. Showong him little steps can mean the world to him. Please remove Satin from there marraige.<P>Amen<P>Im not real good at writing out a prayer.

How are you?