It has been 10 months now since D-day, and I still feel in my gut my H is keeping some of the details of the A from me. There are lots of thing that don't add up, and I believe total honesty is the only way to totally heal. We are in recovery, he is being so good to me and is remorseful....but he says it was only an EA and I am real sure it was PA...but he denies it everytime I bring it up. I just feel in my heart that he was sexually involved with OW...I won't go into why because I have posted my story before. I pray and pray for God to reveal the truth to me and to protect me from deception. But still I have no answer. Please pray that God will reveal the truth to me. I love my husband, I can forgive him again. I just don't want to live a lie...Thank you.

My prayers are definitely with you. I agree that you cannot rebuild on a foundation of lies. There was a sex act that you read about in the letters, so there WAS sex between them... Unless your H's definition of sex is similar to Clinton's... (?)<p>Hmmm... I have been reading your posts and thinking and something dawned on me... If your H "won't" tell you and you need him to tell you, what would you do if he never admits it? God gives us a free will to choose...<p>I wonder if your H is a "conflict-avoider" type of liar. There are 4 types, I believe, and they are described in Dr.Harley's book--HNHN. Maybe you could share it with your H???<p>Another thing I thought about was an article in this website on Basic Concepts about Radical Honesty--perhaps he would be open to your sharing that too.<p>It sounds to me like you have a top EN for openness and honesty and your H is in the danger zone of not filling your love bank in this area. If he has been a liar all his life, he has to change his bad habits or risk losing you--emotionally...<p>From reading your posts, it seems as if God has already given you your answer. And perhaps you are not trusting your God-given answer. You "know it in your knower" and to me, that sounds like the Lord speaking loud and clear... especially since you are a believer... But I think if you need your H to admit it and you feel you cannot progress further in your relationship until he does, then maybe counseling is in order???<p>Do you think he would be willing to speak to the Harley's by telephone? If he is making it up to you, then surely he wouldn't mind some counseling???<p>In any case, it will all come to the light in due season. Just be patient. The Word says behold our sin will find us out... He can't hide forever...

BTDT,
Thank you for the prayers...I appreciate it very much. As for counseling, my husband is not into that and won't do it. He feels that we are doing fine without it. He has always been such a private person and doesn't believe in letting strangers into his personal life. What I think he is really afraid of in regards to counseling is that a counselor will get him to admit that he slept with her, and he doesn't want to do that....Perhaps the Lord has given me my answer, that he did in fact have sex with her...but I want and need him to admit that to me. You are right in saying that complete honesty is a big EN for me...that is so true. And then there is the fact that he still works with her so I also have to deal with the fear of the A starting up again....I am so tired of being afraid....I love him so much...This is so hard sometimes.

Hi HA,
I know you are in a place where you are being forced to trust God (with the unknown)... That's not so bad, really. Be patient. It will all come out in plain sight, I'm sure of it...<p>Try to let God help you work through the fear. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (self-control). I think the enemy is trying to keep you in a place of insecurity. But you are in a secure place! You have your H, not the OW! Your H needs to earn your trust back and he's probably trying the best way he can, just not to your satisfaction, but still, it might be a good idea to give him credit for doing his best with where he is right now. Keep watering the roots (through prayer), eventually you'll see the fruit.<p>With God on your side, with your prayers and love, I'm sure your H will get there--to be the H that God created him to be for you. You can make it. Keep the faith!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]