Dzzz,

I will find out. It started out as a series of twelve, and then went to eighteen. It might be even more now. Do you remember the violin? How he had this violin and how it was from the eigthteenth century and was worth 150,000 dollars. Then he went and handed it to a guy in the front row and told him to look at it and then pass it to the next person. Everyone was almost scared to touch it, yet they were totally intrigued with it at the same time. Gary said that is how we should feel about our mate. Priceless and precious!!!!!

singleguy

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 11:33 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Last night I could not resist the urge and did visit the OW at her office after work. We just drove to a park and just talked for an hour with no funny business. Just hand holding. On the drive home after parting I was full of thoughts of why I had married my W.
Yes, despite not dating anyone else other than my W and some slight differences, I married her because I thought she was the one. It has been more than 10 years ago that I started to look outside of my marriage for someone else.
I read the Bible last night searching for something to console me. I came across something that I printed off from ChristianAnswers.net about the conditions in which Christians can divorce and remarry:
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-f004.html

When she got home from work the second question she asked me was whether I had "T's" (temptations). I told her I did and discussed with her about her comment about "being bored".
Anyhow the conversation ended when she said that if I was to see the OW again the marriage is over. She said that she didn't want to go through the whole thing again.

On another subject matter...later on I asked if I could join up with some guys to start ice hockey again on Friday nights. Its been a good 15 years since I last played it. She never cared for me playing it in the past and now pointed out to me that I would spend my quality time with the guys rather than quality time with her. I never thought of it like that before and I was ridden with guilt. Its funny that I was tempted to sell my hockey gear years ago and she said that I should keep it as a momento. The MC had said to us that I needed to have a hobby or do some sport activity. I didn't want to start an argument and dropped it. I thought that if we're spending our lives together we should at least have something to do and have friends as well. I don't have any close friends, just acquaintances. She'd prefer that I hung out with the men in my bible study instead. The only problem with that is the bible study is only 7 weeks old and we haven't bonded yet. Our first social event is on Nov.28th which includes spouses/GF's. As she is on shift work we can't learn to dance or commit to any program similar to that.

I also promised that I would take her on a vacation next year to London and Paris as confirmation that I want to make the marriage to work.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We just drove to a park and just talked for an hour with no funny business. Just hand holding. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoaaaahhhh .. waita minute .. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

*calm* *think calm DZZZ*

Are you NUTS!!!??? What do you mean "no funny business". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Brother you are in MAJOR denial. That would be enough for me to be thinking serious .. kick your butt to the curb stuff ..

*calming*

Sorry, but that statement made me angry.

I suggest you go to the nearest mirror and take a good, long, look at yourself. You need to get serious about this. It's time you saw yourself in truth.

Sorry, but I feel I represent MOST wives here, and THAT my friend, was "funny business".

Now I'll leave the "real" counsel for the brothers here...

DZZZ

Mr.Miew,
Do you just post or DO YOU READ ANY OF THE REPLIES.

I'm with DZZZ on this.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
"Funny Business" is holding hands, is talking, is looking, is thinking, IS ANYHTING THAT YOU DO WITH THIS WOMAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING WITH YOUR WIFE, period, exclamation point, thta's it, no ands, ifs or buts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Brother you are in a fog, and the devil is playing you like a a cheap fiddle.

Look, I'll talk to you and let you know all the horrors you are in for, but brother, you have to reach out. Email me.

God bless,
Trying .... to get my brother, Mr.Miew out of the fog.

Mr. Miew,

I was going to lighten this message with a cyber 2X4, but this is to serious of a matter.

You already know seeing the OW hurts your W. What you probably don't know is the extent of her pain.

Words will never be able to describe to you the pain that is felt when the one person who promised you that you were the most important thing in their lives just stomps on your heart and doesn't seem to care. I just have no words for it Mr. Miew.

It hurts when she knows you even think about wanting to see the OW. But when you actually do go see her that is the kind of pain you cause your W. How do you feel about that Mr. Miew?

I'm wondering did you even read my post to you yesterday? You've got options other than seeing her. You should have called one of the men in the men's ministry when you felt the urge to see OW.

Your W doesn't deserve to recieve this kind of pain from anyone. The worst part is that it came from the one person she thought would protect her.

Be the man God designed you to be Mr. Miew. A man who has decided to love his W. Don't let the enemy led you around by the nose like he's doing now. That's right you are being manipulated with your feelings to destroy something that God has blessed.

Don't give up. You can overcome this. God has designed you for this purpose.

My prayers are with you and your family.

S&C

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 03:17 PM: Message edited by: steadfast and committed ]</small>

I refer to the man who thought he had to have an affair with my wife, now ex wife, as " The Little Weasel ". A weasel is an animal that is always taking what isn't his. How can you be so cold and indifferent to your wife. Do you just post to see how you can infuriate people. Or are you one of those people who has to lose something before you realize it's worth. Friday nite's are the most important nite of the week for a couple in my book. Why is she even still there.

singleguy

I apologize to everyone here for my actions. I just wimped out.

I have just emailed the OW and told her we can't communicate anymore. We both thought that we could stay as friends but it was getting serious again. She totally understood where I was coming from and will honor my request. End of story.

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: Mr.Miew ]</small>

Mr.Miew,
No, not end of story.

Sit down with your W and write an NC letter to the OW. Have your W seal and mail it. See the MB site for what should go in an NC letter.

If you can't do this, IT IS NOT END OF STORY, and you're just playing games.

Also, when you reply, so we all know you are actually reading this, include some of the words we are saying that are affecting you (positive or negative).

God bless,
Trying ... to keep my patience with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

PS I would give my right arm for my W to have the patience and attitude towards me that your W has towards you.

*Big Smiles* here.

Applause!! Good going <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .. I am proud of you brother. That is step one, in a long road. You are doing great.

Please continue to come here. I promise you this. We will give you the truth. You might not always like it, but in the end you will thank us..

As far as "friends"? Never. It won't happen.
For now, try to think of how YOU would feel if the tables were turned. If were the one playing second fiddle to your wife's friend?

Again, I suggest you read the articles on this site. Especially about Surviving an Affair.

Many people here got into full blown affairs that started out as EA (emotional affairs).

ANYTHING, be it person, place, thing, hobby, even the ministry, that takes the place or causes your spouse to have to compete for attention/affection, is an EA and it is dangerous to your marriage.

The OW is an enemy of your marriage. She is an enemy to you, and to your very soul.

NO CONTACT .. none.

Just a warning. You will now go through one of the most painful withdrawals you have felt. Please know that it will pass.

She might contact you. Do not respond, no matter WHAT she says.

Block her from your e-mail. Let your e-mail expire, do whatever it TAKES to have N/C at all.

God Bless you Mr!

DZZZ

double post

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: Diamonzzz ]</small>

I loaned her $1,200 back in Sept. I guess I can treat that as a donation. That NC email was so painful to send off.

Put it behind you as a good lesson learned. I truly hope God changes your heart and you become one of the great ministers of marriage restoration. You can change, and God will forgive. Go fall in love with that beautiful woman you married. Buy her flowers, and " I love you " cards. Tell her you have been a fool, but not anymore. You can play hockey down the road on Saturday mornings. On Friday nites YOU have a plan of action layed out. Find out what she likes, and then give it to her. God will bless you richly if you will. You married her in covenant, for the rest of your life. She is the most important thing you have ever been given, after your salvation. Yes, Given!!!!! God gave her to you as a gift from Him self. I'm not going to lecture you anymore, but encourage you to reevaluate what you have before you lose it.

singleguy

Mr. Miew,

I will agree with everyone here. Yes, you did wimp out, the NC e-mail was good, but I also agree with TTSMM, your wife should have had some input. This way she knows that the right message was conveyed and it was sent. He's also right in that the story isn't over. You will have to make the same decision everyday, because you will get the urge to see her again. Just like an addict will need their fix. You will need to decide all over again about NC.

I also agree with DZZZ, way to go. Surviving an Affair is a great book for both of you to read as well as His Needs/Her Needs both by Dr. Harley. Another one is "Not Just Friends"; by Shirley Glass. It's a non-judgemental book about the dynamics of EA's from all perspectives.

And lastly, sg had a good idea for you to go back and take a good look at the beautiful woman you married. Date her again. Win back her heart, the way you did the first time.

Your M isn't the same as it used to be, you aren't the same, neither is she. Find out who the new Mrs. Miew is and make her swoon. Don't let her guess about anything in your life. Earn her trust again. Your M will be better than ever.

One last thing. Read Eph. 5:25-26 "And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word." Do a real study on this verse and fully understand what it means.

May God richly bless you as you faithly grow your M.

S&C