For those of you who were seeking D, are women, and are BS's.

Did/do your emotions change on a dime? My W ignores me when I am home, but talks to me on the phone at work. The talk is mostly civil but not warm. Then I call her at a party (cookie swap) she was attending with her girlfriend and she is warm, nice, pleasant. Was she just trying to put up a good act in front of her friends? Then she comes home and wakes me up because she can't find the cordless phone.

At times I think she bi-polar or something. How can a woman change that drastically, that quickly?

Am I just totally naive(sp) about women, or does the affects of being cheated on cause this?

God's Blessings,
Trying....to figure you women out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My husband tells me that I can be one of the sweetest people he has ever known and then the next minute I can change totally in the other direction. I don't know what happens to me but sometimes I just can't control my emotions towards him. He tells me that he is afraid to call me most of the time because he doesn't know how I will react to him and that he just doesn't feel like putting himself through it. He says no one he has ever known could "get" him like I do with what I say to him. I don't plan on being mean to him. The affects of being cheated on are horrible. This is the only man I have been in love with in my life. We have only been married 9 years next March. It just broke my heart and it doesn't seem to mend. Sometimes if we have had words he won't call me, and then when he does I seem to resent it and I am mean to him. Infidelty is a very painful thing to go through but I also believe that it is something that we can overcome if both people are willing. I hope this helps answer your question although I am not seeking a divorce.

<small>[ December 23, 2003, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

I called my W about Christmas dinner plans. And she said that she didn't make plans because she did not want to have anything to do with me. She is going to the movies by herself.

Too much over the past hour to type.

Bottom line, she called back and wnet off on all the problems I caused in the M. And then asked about finishing the basement so I would live in the house after the D. I have been avoiding this conversation until as late as possible. God has shown me through Proverbs 20, this is not what I should do. So I let her know that I was not going to do it (I didn't say because of Proverbs though).

She then went down the litany of what a creep I am. How she wants to be loved by a man again and have sex. How she will never never sex with me again. How if she meets a man she is interested in now, before the D, she will sleep with him if she felt him worthy of her, and I could do nothing about it legally. The list goes on.

Today being our prayer and fast day, I am very shaken on God's hand in this and I am finding it difficult to hold back the tears and pain in my heart.

She again attacked my religion, my sexuality, my parents, everything.

Dear Father in Heaven. You can read my heart know that it has changed. Please remove this pain from me today and surround me with Your love and peace. I truly need your comforting right now. My faith has been mightly shaken, though not broken. After the talk with my W, I feel worthless and that I should just give up on her. This is not what I want Lord. Make me a strong man to face my W's rejection and words; not to feel crushed by them. I ask this through my personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I lift up by brother to you today. Lord, i know the peace he seeks and also know you can provide it for him. He is not the same man he used to be. You see it, he knows it, his kids see it and the people around him see it. Father helphis W get beyond the past and see with fresh eyes the man you are making him to be. Remove the scales placed there by the enemy. Father I bind the spirit of lies that has griped his W and pray that she be loosed and your spirit of peace replace the void left.

Abba, hold TTSMM in your loving arms and let him recieve your divine comfort and blessed reassurance. Let him provide his childern with the love they will miss from their mom and fill their hearts with your simple knowledge of what this season means.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer and for giving us comfort in knowing that your plan is perfect and best for us even if we don not see it right now.

Father, bless TTSMM and his children this Christmas. may they find your love and mercy this day.

In the most powerful name of Jesus. Amen, and Amen

S&C

She called back to tell me that she wasn't going to drive me to the dentist on Saturday (I am having major work done - 4 hours). I will be heavily sedated so she was going to drive me there and pick me up. But because I did not comply with her wishes to live in the basement after D, she has said there's no reason to do anything for me.


I believe it was gentle who asked on one of my other postings if I had ever asked for forgiveness for bring in the porn. Today during my W's blowup, I did apologize for it. She said that she had something to do with it but I had brought it to the extreme. {{I don't think I have the right words here. What I am trying to say is she was kind of taking the blame off me, but saying I had gone too far.}}

I don't know, hopeful signs? that when I apologize for some things, she softens and sees her part in the problem as well.

I DON'T KNOW!?!?!?!?

I am just feeling very confused, hurt and sorrowful right now.

Everyone have a Very Blessed Christmas.
ttsmm

Although your situation is entirely different from mine, I can definitely feel the pain and frustration you go through. I can't seem to control my resentment towards my husband. I told him that I would try once more to get along with him and if I wasn't able to do so then I wasn't going to try anymore. I told him I would file for a divorce. He immediatly says "God doesn't want you to divorce me". He doesn't do anything to try and repair our marriage. He says its all in God's hands. He treats me as if I am the one that cheated on him. He has never really allowed me to discuss the infidelty with him, he always got upset if i brought it up. I have been left to deal with it on my own, it has been hard. I told him he doesn't do anything to try and keep our marriage together. All he says is that he doesn't want a divorce and that he has tried to hang on to the marriage because he loves me. Actions speak louder than words to me. I don't blame him totally for leaving, I also blame myself, but I don't blame myself for his infidelty, that was his choice. I think that I have been so hurt and have lost trust to the point that I feel a strong dislike in my heart towards him. I also believe that this attitude can hinder restoring my marriage. I think the feelings I have builds a wall which creats division. Your wife seems to be very bitter towards you, that is the way I feel towards my husband. I just pray that the Lord will remove my bad feelings so He can begin the healing of my marriage. As I said your situation is so different, from reading your posts you do try very hard.

I've cried no less than five times tonight. My heart is so heavy and full of sorrow. Even though I am spending Christmas with my children and wife, she won't be there emotionally, intimately.

I wass pulling out the gifts for the kids, getting ready to put them under the tree, and I cried again. "Why God are you are not answering my prayers? I know I have been saved; when will she be saved? When will my marraige be restored?"

Tonight, I watched many of the dumd Christmas cartoons with my kids. Then I read them "The 12 Days of Christmas" and "T'was the Night Before Christmas". All the while, my heart just wasn't full of Christmas cheer. My daughter could sense something, but she justs stayed quiet about it watching the shows with me. When it was time for bed, she whispered to me, "Promise you and mommy won't fight tomorrow." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I told her I wouldn't, but that I couldn't promise for mommy. This is why my heart is so heavy.

I am remembering all the times i thought she wanted to work on the M even after I confessed to the A. One time, I was crying and shaking uncontrollably(SP) about what I had done. We were sleeping in the same bed, but not making love at this time. She cradled my head in her lap and stroked my head and shoulders saying, "I forgot, this must be terriblly trying for you too." What happened to that woman? Where did she go? How did Satan grab away the hope we had to restore this?

When we were looking into buying our first home, we were looking at a townhouse. After carefully thinking things thorugh and the financial bind we would be in, I said for us to go for a individual house. I bought her a pearl necklace that I had promised her for many years. She guilted me into finally buying it after D-day, but if I had thought that she didn't want to work on it, I would not have tried myself through these actions.

After we joined the health club is when things changed. After she met her personal trainer and had an EA. But something else happened and I don't know what it is/was. She went from perhaps/maybe trying to restore the M, to a completely cold, unfeeling woman. She went from telling me her family told her to give me another chance to they know all about you and are on my side.

Dear God, how do I reach her heart? When will you start restoring our M?

I have already decided that if we do get a D, I will not remarry (even if she does), unless, God forbid, she passes on before me. I made a convenant with Marie on our wedding day. I broke part of that convenant. I won't break any more of it, especially after returning to God after 20 years of personal religious hypocricy on my part.

And Satan is having a field day with this whole situation. While at work, my D'd boss is talking about Miami beach and all the hot and scantly-dressed women down there. Funny, I listened, might have had a touch of envy (for a millisecond) then silently prayed for him and the others who were retelling their promiscuous(sp) tales. Then on the way hoe tonight, I kept having visions of major car accident, with my car flipping over several times. There were terrible rain storms this afternoon on the way home. So he is just enjoying all the pain he is causing and the blind rage he is fueling in my W.

One positive note I almost forgot. I had some film developed from last Christmas. in it was a picture of our Christmas tree, with the glass table in front of it as my W had said (look at previous threads). I apologized to W for being wrong when I said that it was moved last year. She said there are more important things to worry/apologize about that that. I was happy with myself because I didn't beat around the problem looking for someone else to blame (my usual MO with my W). I guess I am growing.

She has siad that she wishes I would just be honest and upfront immediately. Not have to lie.
Question. Ladies. You say that you want the men in your lives to be honest with you. Do you judge them before they even finish being honest with you? Do you hold their honesty against them later on? This is what my W did and still does. Ladies, if you want honesty, don't judge. Disagee, discuss, but don't judge.

While running to the store for some things tonight, I was listening to "Focus on the Famaily". They were doing "A Christmas Carol". I have seen and heard so many different reditions of it. There was nothing new to this version, but, all of a sudden I saw myself as Scrooge. Not a penny-pinching miserly grouch, but a miser to my W. Things of the world had become more important than the woman God gave me for my W. My selfish desires took precedence over my W. How many WS' out there can relate to this? When it comes down to it, weren't you a Scrooge to your spouse? You witheld your love from them and gave to someone else. One of my own personal questions is when did I go down this dark track? What event caused me to desire evil insteda of good? Ebenezer had many very good times, as the Ghost of Christmas Past showed him. But something went awry. What went awry with me? I feel like Scrooge at the end; he's been given a new chance at life, as have I when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. He had a chance to make up for his mistakes in the past. Many of the towns people seem open to the new Scrooge. Why can't I get that same result from my W? Why can't we get it all out in several large shots, and not get D?

Another question for the ladies who are BS's.
Are you at all setimental? I am very sentimental and, unfortunately, over-sensitive. I cry at movies that are sentimental. My W on the other hand thinks very little of sentimentality. She thinks all of that is corney. Where do the ladies out here stand on that?

I'll stop here as I have probably been rambling on too long now.

Blessed Christmas to you and your families,
ttsmm

Thanks Chreyls,
I was posting when you posted.

I am trying hard. I am using actions besides words. In the past I wantd her and I to go to counseling to discuss the infidelity, but she refused. I foudn it difficult to discuss at home because she would always interrupt and say that I was lying or that I did things out of spite, or whatever. I mean if you are going to ask a question, and a man is willing to pour his heart out and be vulnerable and to tell the truth about everything. GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO DO SO WITHOUT INTERRUPTING! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I would dive in front of a car to save my W's life right now. I todl her that once and she said "Oh come on!".

I am just in pain and I have NOONE to talk to and I need to vent.

Not to pass over your troubles, I pray that your H sees the light and starts walking the walk. Yeah God doesn't want you two to D, but he has to show he wants to stay married and not just say its because of what God states.

May God shower His Blessings on you and you family,
ttsmm

Women can be very moody, but they give back what they are shown, 99% of the time. The chemistry changes don't help the situation much, but if they feel insecure, they will act it out. I have been married now 13 years, and had to wake up one day to realize that my H was not treating me the way he should. Once I voiced my opinion, the work took a toll, and voila............a successful relationship was in progress. A lot of it was the Lord's work and a lot of prayers went up. Keep the faith, and keep praying. A combination of all three, will work miracle.

TTSMM,

Just wanted to check on you today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would dive in front of a car to save my W's life right now.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My friend, you are diving in front of the car. The only thing is the car is traveling at a snail's pace. Sometimes we say we would die for our spouse and come to find out that we can say that because we think it will be a speeding car and it will be over quickly. Instead, we find that the car is moving very slowly; we feel every bone crush and we wonder if we'd prefered to really just die for them and get it over with.

Well by brother, just know that regardless of what happens, the "Creater of the All Things" is doing a good work in you. I personally can't wait to see the man of God you will be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have the best Christmas you can. Praying for you and your family.

S&C

I don't have anyone to talk to, so I am venting here.

Better than last Christmas. she didn't call the cops this time, but then again, I didn't give her a gift and tick her off.

Ladies, why can't one of your own species deal with a problem in a rational way? The A happened over 5 years ago, and sge suspected it then. Now she has known, by my confession, over two years ago. When does healing start?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Cheryls said...
I also blame myself, but I don't blame myself for his infidelty, that was his choice. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is all the women (and some men) who are the BS's take responsibility for the M but not he A. Hold on, before you go down my throat, ALL WS's are 100% responsible for the A, even if they BS's first. What I mean, is why are so many of you BS's mature enough to take resposnibility for your part in the M? My W thinks her only prob she caused was, she tried to change me. Of course she then turns it into a half-hearted statement by saying she was only trying to enhance me. And that I should have taken better care of myself,and then she wouldn't have had to fix me.

Tell me would you ever tell you spouse (this is for the ladies now) that you won't kiss them because their teeth are crooked. Then say they are a bad kisser. Tell them their jokes are corny. ETC.... And I am not talking about doing any of this in a loving way either. So tell me, have any of you treated your H's like this?

No, I was no prize. I have a temper, but through God's grace, I have done a 180. Doesn't mean I don't get mad. Jus able to control it.

We both had terrible communication skills and still do (for my part I can't even talk to her). If she wants to tell me her day or problems, I have to stand ther and listen. But, if I want to tell her what's going on with me, she just walks away.

I have been asking God to let the Holy Spirit guide me. Well, I table picture I described earlier; within those rolls of film were pictures from my Mom's funeral in March. I forgot (personally I think i left the pics in there to get back at my W for not only NOT coming to the funeral, but having fights with me every day from her death to the burial day) to take those pics out before showing her the film. So guess what today, she goes off on me, disgustedly about how sick my family is. And of course she does this in front of the kids. Tell me ladies, do you deliberately start and continue a fight with your H in front of your children? Are you torn with pain that you willfully scar your own children?

So after the kids opened all thier gifts (Mommy went overboard out of guilt) I took the kids to church. "How long is that torture for?", she asked (in front of the kids). I told her and left. I have not felt HATE for her in a long time. In fact, I even yelled at God today, while praying, "just end this M. I know you hear my prayers, but I don't know why you won't answer them." Instead of diving in front of a car, I felt like pushing her in front of one. At Mass, my heart did soften a bit.

I fun playing with the kids and their new toys, and then took a nap..Woke up and played some more. Took alot to gold back tears today.

In the evening, I took the kids to dinner at TGIF, of course she didn't come along.

I feel envious, jealous, angry, and a bunch of other words towards you BS's who want your WS's back. If I could I would go out there and shake every single one of them and say, "Are you flipping crazy. You are cheating on your mate, and they STILL want you back. Get you head out of the fog and your nether region, praise God for having a fantastic mate, and go back to them NOW!!!!" Then i would smack them up side their head to put some common sense in there. I WISH I HAD A BS WHO WAS WANTING ME LIKE YOU WANT YOUR'S. I AM NOT IN A FOG; HAVE'NT BEEN FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS PLUS. WHY WON'T GOD GIVE ME THAT?

YES, I am really feeling sorry for myself, even contemplated things I haven't since July (you know what I am talking about S&C), but only for a split second. I spent Christmas with my children, I should feel grateful and blessed by that, but I want more. I have been doing so much reading, I believe it was in "TPOAPH" that God can give us everything BUT the physical love. I am not disregarding the other gifts of His love He bestows upon me; I JUST WANT THE PHYSICAL LOVE OF MY WIFE MARIE!

Tonight, I watched TV with my D, way too late (11PM). So I was at the TV when I haven't been in a while. I watched a comedy, and found myself surfing the channels looking for light porn. IT didn't excite me, it hurt me. I know Iwass hurting God, and breaking His commandments, but I didn't stop until 45 minuters later. Strange thing is all I saw was Marie and myself. I didn't get excited, I got teary because I want o hold her again and make love to her again.

Now I am down in the basement, typing a way while holding back tears of longing. I will read the Bible and ask for God's forgiveness, yet again for my weaknesses and I will ask Him what He wants from me, I just don't feel He wants to answer me right now (after reading the last 2 chapters of Job - I don't have ANY right to ask, and I am human).

I guess I'll go back to the sofa and cry myself to sleep with His Word. Am I lookingfor pity from you, sadly, "Yes". But I really want answers.

I know this one is very long, but lately, I REALLY NEED TO VENT MY FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS, and FRAILTIES.

EMMANUEL,
ttsmm

This morning a little better.

"I'm not going to be a schmuck", she says. So I will take you to the dentist tomorrow.

Deep, many layers deep, I feel that God moved her, BUT, I am not impressed. She just changed her mind to get something later.

I forgot to pray for her yesterday, wonder why? But now today, i am so full of annomosity(SP) that it is hindering my prayers. But, I can't get out of this funk to pray for her.

That's where i am at,
God's Blessings,
ttsmm

Amazing how the enemy can grab me and confuse me. I am feeling much better now, and forgive my W her attitude the last few days. I discovered when I am not right with God, my mind goes off into areas I don't want to be involved in any more. Ex: my mind has been drifting into double meanings when I hear something (the other meaning usually being something lustful). I guess the good thing (if I want to say there is a good thing) is that the thoughts are about my W.

I bought a journal today which I am going to keep tabs on my Spiritual Walk. I am going to list my encounters with the enemy, my spiritual successes, my encounters with God, my observations with my character and weaknesses, the prayers I prayed, the chapters I read in His Word, other spiritual readings, etc. I feel this will keep me on the path He has for me, and help me see how far I have gone (especially when I feel like I have for the past few days) and that it is absolutely WORTH IT.

Thanks again to all for your prayers and support,
ttsmm

First of all I am not going to jump down your throat but I don't take any responsibility for my husbands cheating. Why should I? He made that choice all by himself. He didn't ask me if it was all right. I said I don't blame him totally for leaving, that I also blamed myself, what I mean is I blame both of us for the problems we were having. I never ask him to leave, that was also his choice. His way of solving problems was and still is to run away from them. The reason he cheated is because he was not close to God. He wasn't where he was supposed to be either, meaning he wasn't coming home. All right so things weren't perfect but his way of dealing with it was not the right way either. I will not take any of the blame for his cheating as I have said, we have been separated for almost 4 years now, I haven't done it. I will continue to stand for my marriage until the day I die or he does. It hasn't been easy. Yesterday was Christmas, to me it is a day to spend with the ones we love, well I'm not feeling sorry for myself but I spent it alone. I have family close to where I live but I didn't see any of them. My oldest son and his family spent it with his half brother and their family, my youngest son is messed up, and I haven't talked to my sister in about five months. I always hope for things to be better and I know one day they will. No matter how hard things get we just have to hang on and know that we can trust God for all of our needs. He will never leave us. He is always with us. Believe me I do know how you feel. I want my husband to come home so bad that it hurts, but it has to be God's timing, not mine and that is sometimes hard for us to accept.

I don't have any time this morning to answer yourpost, but Thank You.

I am going in for major dental work today, about 3-4 hours, and will be under heavy concious sedation. I am apprenhensive and nervous, but also at peace with the Lord.

I said the "Power of a Praying Husband" prayers and randomly picked a reading from scripture: Pslam 118 "Hymn of Thnksgiving" - for me it meant 'Victory over death'.

God's Blessings to all of you,
tryingTOsaveMYmarriage

OK, I don't know any more of your story than what you have posted on this thread.

Let's start with the fact that you could get a wider range of ideas and opinions on some of the other boards - specifically the General Questions II board and the Emotional Needs board.

Secondly, it sounds like you might be depressed. Have you talked to your doctor? There are many medications that might help you deal with the situation in a less teary, better balanced way. Having been clinically depressed twice - both related to my divorce - I can assure you that medication will not change what is going on in your life but it may make it easier to deal with.

Thirdly, she will not go to counseling? Well, that is her choice. But you need to go for yourself. To deal with the depression, to deal with the causes of the affair, to deal with your wife's responses to you. Therapy/counseling is a good thing. And it sounds like you need a safe place to talk.

cinderella,
I have been to the other forums and it is way too secular for me. If you wnat to know my story, click the "My Story" link in my signature below. This forum offers me a spiritual connection and hope that I don't get from the other foums.

I have gone to counseling. We went together for 2x, but the T was tired of the arguing, mostly on her side, and refused to see us together.

Back to today. I am on penicillin(SP) right now and very groggy. Before going to the dentist, she told me she could have made it home without my help when I helped her at the dentist (bul* sh*t). She didn't even come in to the Dr's office. She watied for me with the kids in the car. On the way home, she told she wouldn't help me up the stairs, that I could crawl like the dogI was. She even mentioned someething to our D about getting what I deserve. She did pick up my meds, and said she only did it because she can't afford a funeral and a divorce (I probably would have gotten into a car accident if I drove myself).

Anyway, I am sure I will be bleeeped for this but I am f'in upset that this ***** is treating me this way. When she no one to turn to while she had me thrown out of the house, she asked if I would take her to the dentist because she was going to be heavily sedated. I did.
When I took the kids to a church picnic (she didn't go, she's not a believer - can't you tell), she twisted her ankle, and I came rushung home (ruining the kids day) to take her to the ER. I then stayed home, from work, the next day to wait on her hand and foot.
What doe this ***** do? In Aug of last year, my Dad dies , and she held an argument with me on the day of the funeral, even saying she was happy that he died. This past March my Mom, paassed away, she did the same thing. In fact a firend she knew at the gym, mom's died at the same time and she sent them a berevement card. For me she just laughed and said waht a a relief.

This is the woman I am fighting for. For what?

I had a na affair 5 years ago, and I was lsimy around it. I finally confessed to it 2+ years ago, and she suspected it since the begginging. I thought we were working on it. We bought a house; in fact I put us furhter in debt to get our own house and not a towne house.

Now she acting like this becasue she approached me with a propostion to live in the basement aftert D (we would fix it) otherwise the house would have to be sold. I told her no that that would be wrong to show the children. So this woman who said she is never vindictive is a 100% selfish ***** through and through. She cares about the stupid house, which I which didn't exist, more that she cares about the kids.

Tell me any of you ladies say, "I can't be bothered." as your favorite phrase. Did the kids write to Santa this year, "I can't be bothered". Have you looked online for work, "I can't be bothered." SHe expeects everything to be handedd to her and she hasn't paid any dues. She works at the local Shoprite in pastries (and she is good) but she is upset because things are going as fast as she wnats (only been there 2 months+). She thinks she should automatically get a chance to earn a lot morem and set her own hours, etc. She doesn't understand life and ....

now I am rambling.

I love her and there is no way to reach her at all. Am I suppose to put up with her **** for the rest of my life? Not if/but when we lose this house because of the D it will because of her, NOT me. If I knew she was going to D me, I would have bought a towne house instead.

Cheryls,
Too sedated to find your quote, but gist is.

I AM 100% RESPONSBILE FOR THE AFFAIR. I DID NOT HANDLE THINGS THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE. I AM ONLY 50% RESPONSIBLE FOR THE STATE THE M WAS IN PRIOR TO THE A. I TRIED TO HAVE US GO TO COUNSELING FOR OUR SEXUAL HANGUPS, BUT SHE REFUSED SAYING SHE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG. SHE GOT PLENTY OF WARNING SIGNS, (and yes, i was a coward), but SHE COULDN'T BE BOTHERED.

Enough venting for now, my teeth are starting to hurt.

ttsmm

I do have to say, your wife sounds very difficult to deal with. If she resents you so much then why is she still living in the same house with you? Forgiveness is a hard thing to do, especially if someone you love has hurt you more than anything else ever has. I have forgiven my husband for his infidelty but I am bitter for what he still does. He's not still cheating, although people beg to differ with me, they think that just because you live in the same home with someone that there is sexual activity going on. Cinderella suggested that maybe you need medication for depression. I have taken it for depression but it stops working for me so what is the use. Maybe it would help you, it did me in the beginning. I wish I could find something that would. I hope your teeth feel better.

cheryls,
I took Zoloft fro a little under a month, just before I came back to God. I don't need anti-D's. I need to talk to my W with a T (a referee if you will). Someone needs to be there who can stop either one of us from abusing the other (mostly her doing) and let the other get their feelings and thoughts in. Any time I speak to her, she interrupts, says I did it for other reasons.
POINT to all women out. DON'T INTERRUPT YOUR H IF HE IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING AND IS BEING VULNERABLE ABOUT IT. If you think you know the answers, DON'T ask. If you want answers, DON'T interrupt. IT'S REAL SIMPLE.

This penecillin and the other meds from the operation itself has me being very honest and perhaps thoughtless in my being (so I apologize up front. Most of the MBers here know me differently).

I said to my D, "Mommy hates me doesn't she?" Without any hestiation, she said, "Yes."

So how many of you BS mothers, with small children, take your pain and placed it upon your children. My W's response is that they are old enough and have a right to know. Bull s**t. Our D is ~8 and our S is 3-1/2. Grow the heck up yourself, Mommy. Deal with the pain in a safe environment (therapy).

You know the times we did go to theraly together, before my confession to the A, but while she suspected, the T had to interrupt her several times to ask her how waht I did made her feel. She could not (more like would not) get in touch with her feelings. She just wanted to deal with what I did wrong and that she was innocent of any wrongdoing in the M.

I just wish God would show me what happened thaqt mde her want to stop working ointhe M. Back in Aoril of 2002, when she came out of a T session , she was all smiles and ahppy. I wnet in grumpy and came out alright for my session. Then a few months later, before we moved into the mew house, she changed. Then she was upset because her presonal trainer didn't come to our house-warming (she was having an EA w/him). I believe it was destined for PA, but one refused the othere when I took the kids to my brothers in Massachussets back in sept of last year. So it looks like it never comsunmated.
Any way, since then there has been no hope. Why deos God want to stay around here? He isn't showing me any hope, but everytime i am ready to say, bleep it, I quit, it shows me a sign (2x - dif occassions - when I was thinking of quitting I see license plates with my wife's name on them - never saw one before thtw time ever). So why is He keeping me here. I already declared that I won't remarry unless she dies first, becasue I made a convenatn with her and God. I broke part of it, but I don;t intend to break the reset of it. I look at it as my conqsquences for my actions.

I am going back to bed after I read the Bible for abit. My teeth r startign 2o reaallly hurt.

goodnite,
ttsmm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tryingTOsaveMYmarriage:
<strong> So why is God keeping me here. I already declared that I won't remarry unless she dies first, becasue I made a convenatn with her and God. I broke part of it, but I don;t intend to break the reset of it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just got back in town. You have had some last couple of days, eh?

Trying, listen, bro.........you definitely are sounding more depressed. Are you taking anti-D's? I think you should be on them.

Secondly, if what you wrote above is true, you're setting yourself up for a VERY horrible life!!! If you have NO intention of doing anything except being M'd to her, and she wants nothing to do with you, and you react the way you are now to everything that happens between you two, then you are going to be one very unhappy fellow, my friend. So what am I saying? That you should get divorced? Of course not!! I would never.....I DO believe in keeping your vows. You made those vows UNTO GOD as much as unto your W. And God expects you to keep your vow to Him......

No, here's my take. Your W is verrry angry at you. Big surprise, eh? No? Oh. Well, then if you know she is angry, then WHY are you taking it so personally? TtSmM, you are letting yourself get sucked in deeper and deeper by her words, her angry words. What she says is hurtful, yes. What she intends with what she says is exactly her point!! She is TRYING TO HURT YOU. She is hurt (still) from your past "sins" - and wants to strike back and hurt you back. Does her method work? Dam*n Right it does!!!

As S&C commented to you, this is like a slow, painful death by disection! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Well, he didn't exactly say that, but the intent is the same......a long, painful death by diving in front of a (slowly moving) truck.

What is it you want God to do for you, TtSmM? Do you want God to restore your M? Then you must be willing to walk through the fire, if necessary.

Imagine for a minute that you are Joseph. Your brothers have sold you as a slave. You are in a strange land. You are hated by the people there. Then the king's wife LIES about you, and you are thrown in prison!!! ALL LIES!!! All hateful things. HOW did God manage to turn all that around for good for Joseph and his family? Because Joseph never took his eyes off God for his well-being. Even while languishing in a prison for YEARS for doing NOTHING WRONG, Joseph still believed his God knew what He was doing with him............

Trying, you have to take your eyes off your circumstances and begin to thank God for having His hand on your life, and knowing what He is doing in your M. You have to thank Him for your W. You have to continue to pray for her, for her healing, and protection. YOu have to begin to do everything the opposite of what the world would do if any one of us was in your position.

Satan is "attempting to sift you like wheat..." even going so far as to tempt you to think about sexual materials in an unhealthy way. It is good you have been able to stop that thought process!!! PTL!!! When that didn't work, satan again used your W, with her anger and hateful words to hurt you, to try to discourage you.

Trying, I TRULY BELIEVE you are very close to your "breakthrough." I TRULY BELIEVE your W is very close to coming out of her hateful state. I believe God is letting satan have this "last hurrah" - as it were - before stepping in and turning the tide. Read Revelation 12:12. Satan works extra hard when his time is short!! That's what I believe is happening with your W.

My last point is this: There was a fellow on these boards for awhile, about a year ago.....similar situation as you. He was the WS. He had had an A, had "realized the error of his ways" and come home. W had let him move home, but he was living in the basement. His W was very angry, and wasn't about to get over it. What happened? The more he tried to show her love, the more angry she became. She went to one church, and he another. Finally, he began going to her church (their original church), and she quit going. Then the pastor felt he should talk to her about how repentant her H was, she should allow God to speak to her, change her, take away her anger........blah, blah, blah. he left that church, b/c he felt he wanted his W to be able to feel at home there. Even that didn't make her happy, and she continued to "abuse" him at home....even asked him to move out. He found a small apt., asked her to go to counseling. She refused. She wanted a divorce.

He got to a point he couldn't take anymore of it. He began another A. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> That is the last of the story, cause I never heard from him again. satan won that one. satan convinced him that he had tried hard enough, and now it was time to "find someone else" - who would treat him right, not like his W was treating him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Please don't let your M fall the way that one did. God can restore the love. God can bring your W around. You just have to continue to obey Him, pray, and seek Him, and BELIEVE.

BELEIVE THAT IT IS HIS PERFECT PLAN TO RESTORE YOUR M, and even make it better than it has ever been. It's not an easy road, but it's the perfect road. That "narrow" gate, someone told me, b/c it requires putting PRESSURE On you to get through the narrow gate. YOu've got the pressure.........hang in there!!! Don't turn to the "easy" way, to the world's way.....to "find someone else." We are all praying WITH YOU for these things.

God Bless,