Hey girl,

What'z up? How are you doing?

S&C

Hey S&C,
I am doing ok. I have been reading your posts to Java because I feel they apply to me too. I haven't really known what to do these days. Nothing is any different- it has only been 3 weeks but my impatient self feels like ex should have this great ephiphany (sp?) and change his ways and come running to me. So much for time huh? So much for patience huh? I just get frustrated because I feel like I was always the one who pursued things, pursued him, wanted to show love, wanted to show interest- and it is still that way now. Yes, he was emotional and forthright on his feelings about what he had done when I met him that night- but why not go farther and say - I love you, I am sorry- I wish I could be with you- I want us to work together- I need you- I could go on. But I know that a person doesn't change unless he chooses to. I can't force him to. I can't make him the man I want him to be. But I don't know whether to just shut up and work on my relationship with God, which is obviously most important - I get that- and to wait - or just to lay everything on the table and write a letter saying look, this is what I want. If it is what you want, I need this this and this. If it isn't what you want, I know and I need to move on.
I don't want to manipulate God's will or get in His way- I just don't want to hold on to something that I need to let go.
And yes, that is why I read your posts and read about needing to be whole myself. That is another thing to think about. My company had our 2004 awards banquet last week. I tied for most awards with 3- one of my awards was for being the one who has traveled the most miles- literally and figuratively (on the inside)- in the last year. The person who has tweaked and improved the most. And I dont' want to unravel that for a marriage that will be stinky. If I can continue to be the growing me, the one who loves the Lord, who works hard, and who is involved in many things (church, half marathon, family stuff to name a few), AND be married to ex, then yes, I would want that. I want him to share my life. But when we were married, I would not have been able to be very involved in ANY of that, because he didn't want to be, and really didnt' act thrilled when I was. When I heard about a trip I also won, I was sad because you can bring your spouse if you have one. Well, I had one. And now I don't. And if I don't need to be with ex, then I want to shut the door so that God will open a new one. But I want to do it in his time.

I hope I am making some sense. I feel like I am all over the place- you might have picked a bad day to ask me how I was doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

PS I have been praying for ex and OW's relationship to be destroyed, then I was thinking about him and wondering if something was wrong- I emailed him ( I know, probably shouldn't) and asked him if his health was ok - he said his stomach had been hurting and sick for 4 days!! haha- maybe he is getting sick of the life he is living!

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 06:37 AM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

adgirl,

You lurking around? Any updates?

S&C

Thanks S&C - I am lurking. No updates. I guess part of me hoped that he would pursue me and that he would email or call like on Valentines. But since he is living with OW that sounds insane. Yet I get tired of the one pursuing and the one praying for a miracle and just want to put it down. So I am working on having an excellent life for myself =) and focusing on that and on what God wants for me instead of trying to fix ex. If he wants to put God first and then me, that would be a decision that HE would have to make! I can't make him and I have just not written again and I am just leaving it alone. I remember during my divorce, every time I prayed I felt like God wasn't answering- truth is, he WAS answering- He was saying no, He was saying Danger, He was saying 'unhealthy relationship". People focus on God's hate of divorce and while that is true, God also hates other forms of evil. When there is a spouse who is not repentant and who is set in their way of life God isn't going to magically change him. That is where free will comes in. Maybe God is saying no now too.

Thanks again for asking about me.

S&C,
Any thoughts here?
Hope you are having a good weekend.

S&C,
Any thoughts here?
Hope you are having a good weekend.

Hi adgirl,

Weekend is going ok. Just dealing with a few triggers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess part of me hoped that he would pursue me and that he would email or call like on Valentines. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want you to know you are worth pursuing. The proof is in how your Lord has pursued you. Just imagine; the King of Kings desiring you… Wow. Incredible huh?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But since he is living with OW that sounds insane. Yet I get tired of the one pursuing and the one praying for a miracle and just want to put it down. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, know the feeling. My response is in the quote below.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I am working on having an excellent life for myself =) and focusing on that and on what God wants for me instead of trying to fix ex. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very wise and mature words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he wants to put God first and then me, that would be a decision that HE would have to make! I can't make him and I have just not written again and I am just leaving it alone.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Reminds me of what I tell single men and women I talk to about their future spouses.

List out on a piece of paper what you think you want in a H or W and look up in the Bible what the characteristics of a Godly H or W are and add them to the list. I believe that is the person God has in mind for them. Then I suggest they look at the Biblical characteristics of their particular gender and strive to be that person. Then God will work the circumstances to get them together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I remember during my divorce, every time I prayed I felt like God wasn't answering- truth is, he WAS answering- He was saying no, He was saying Danger, He was saying 'unhealthy relationship". People focus on God's hate of divorce and while that is true, God also hates other forms of evil. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like good advice for Tony.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When there is a spouse who is not repentant and who is set in their way of life God isn't going to magically change him. That is where free will comes in. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More good words. How did you get so wise for such a young girl?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe God is saying no now too.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe He’s just saying to be patient and continue to get intimate with Him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Thanks again for asking about me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You were on my mind and I thought I’d see how you were doing. E-mail me of you want.

Bless you sis.

Love in Christ.

S&C