Philippians 4:4-9 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what I need help with.

The feeling I'm looking for and have been looking for for a long time is peace.

I have not found a way to not be anxious while this divorce is on-going. My prayers asking God to help me with this issue don't seem to be answered in a way that takes away my anxiety.

I don't see action that would indicate that God is working on this, and I don't really see how I can not be anxious unless God does something in my heart.

I know I cannot do this by myself, and asking God to show me the way hasn't worked.

In James, it is written that if we lack wisdom, ask God for that wisdom. So I've asked, repeatedly for the wisdom on how to control the anxious feelings I have, and this prayer HAS NOT been answered.

James 1:5 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what am I supposed to think and believe about the promises of God? I've asked for the wisdom, that is supposed to be given generously. Yet nothing.

Yes, I know feelings can be misleading. Well, God could clear all of this up, and I don't just mean the marriage, I mean my relationship with Him.

God has allowed my wife to be tempted out of the marriage. Yes, that's right, he allowed it. Read Job where God allowed Job to suffer the trials. God didn't do that to Job, yet if you read later, it is said that God brought the trouble onto Job

Job 42:10 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him, and each one gave him a piece of silver [a] and a gold ring. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what does God want to do with this. I'm here, looking for Him. So what does He want to do with me out of this.

I would like to see our family restored, as one which honors God and is a testimony to the ability of God to change hearts and lives.

I don't know what else I should want, if God wants me to honor and serve Him in a different way, then I need some help with the vision, because I'm not seeing what He wants right now.

I want to experience the love God has for me from my family as well as from God and to give that same love to my family as God both gives and wants from me.

I want the best that God has to offer, and I want it now, just like Saul experienced on the road to Damascus, no waiting, Christ spoke with him, and became very real, changed his life right away.

I want the scales that prevent me from seeing what God has for me to be lifted from my eyes, and my heart changed so that I might be able to best serve God and my family.

Where is the peace, the healing, the love?

I know that only God can answer this question, yet He is silent.

T

Well, here goes my best human attempt at this.... Tony, I've been where you are. And, truthfully, some days I'm still there so I completely understand. My husband is a sex addict, had multiple affairs, one paternity suit, escorts, etc so I more than understand not 'feeling' peace while all that is going on.

What I found for me, and I can only say 'for me' is because I had to work these very scriptures you are giving to me. For instance....read them again, slowly....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First it says REJOICE in the LORD. That is hard to do when you are struggling with life itself but it must be done. This is not an option. Tony, dig deep and find things to thank God for. Even if it begins as simple as waking you up in the morning. Thank him that you have a home, a car, a job, a daughter, etc. Find things to rejoice in the Lord. Thank him for dying on the cross for you, for saving your very soul. You can do this.

This is the very thing I mentioned in the above post where I said we must praise God in the midst of our trials.

Then...it says DO NOT BE ANXIOUS FOR ANYTHING....your anxiety is your own doing. It's true and not very nice sounding. I do it myself. I get myself all worked up over things and I realize I can't control them anyway so I have to repent of that sin, and start over. Joyce Meyers has some excellent teaching on casting your cares on God and be anxious for nothing. Go to her website and listen to those tapes. It's a mind set and it doesn't necessarily happen over night. It's a command for you - not an option.

Then it says....but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Tony, if you are praising God, making a choice not to be anxious and praying with thanksgiving and presenting your requests to God then leave it there. Stop giving your problems to God and then taking them back. God is big enough to handle your problems.
Tony, I don't say this lightly - more than one Christian friend has had to say the same thing to me. I am a worry wort by nature...I wring my hands and try to control everything. Well, the Lord allowed something in my life that I couldn't control and I've spent years now working on this very thing.

The peace of God comes when we give the problem to Him. Of course I"m anxious and of course you're anxious when you want to see, feel and do something. Right now, maybe God wants you to do NOTHING except give the problem to him, tell him the desires of your heart and just be with God.

Okay, there's more...read this again...8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Guess what...this is all God wants us to think about. When your mind starts to wander (and it's really not wandering so much as it is satan putting thoughts in your mind because our mind is the battlefield where battles are won or lost) you must get it back to whatever is right, pure, lovely, etc. Hard work for sure.

Okay, and finally.... 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. God is telling you to put stuff into practice. You appear to be much like me in that I have all this 'head' knowledge of God and his promises and often don't feel it. Tony, in this case, God is telling you to put into practice all the things in the bible and as you do that the peace of God will be with you. Tony, if you give your problems to God and make a choice to stop being anxious, to allow God to be God, allow God to be infinite in his wisdom, and KNOW with all your heart, soul, and mind that God can take whatever the devil means to harm you and turn it into good, then, Tony, what is there to be unpeaceful about?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would like to see our family restored, as one which honors God and is a testimony to the ability of God to change hearts and lives.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell God this. And don't waiver.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want to experience the love God has for me from my family as well as from God and to give that same love to my family as God both gives and wants from me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask God to help you love.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want the best that God has to offer, and I want it now, just like Saul experienced on the road to Damascus, no waiting, Christ spoke with him, and became very real, changed his life right away. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tony, you have it. Jesus speaks to us every time we open our bible. Your life can be changed...you must decide you want that. Have you really committed to that?

Lots to think about....

In Christ

Angelia

I just wanted to pop in and ask if you have been to the online divorce recovery site called **edit**?

They have tons of information. It is run by a couple who was divorced and reconciled.

I think one of the most difficult things to do in this situation is to remember that your wife is not the enemy, that it is satan that has come and stolen this from you and we are in a spiritual battle.

I know these seem like only words and its soooo hard to understand anything! (I know, I've been waiting for 6 years)

Be still, dear brother and know that God is God.

May the Lord give you the peace you need, the wisdom to know the truth and the strength to stay the course.

Don't give up!

God loves you and your family, too

God is there when you need him. Sometimes we try too hard to see some kind of miracle that or sign that he is listening to our needs. If you have ever read the poem called Foot Prints In the Sand:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.

Be still, listen to God's voice and his leading and look for the one set of footprint when he carries you. I pray that God will touch your heart today and take away your sadness. He never abandons us in our time of need. Sometimes he just doesn't answer us as quickly as we wish he could. - Gypsy Wind

Tony,

I'm at work right now on a break. I want to answer one of your questions when I have more time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So tell me, why hasn't the scripture reading or prayer that I've already done brought me closer to God or God closer to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Till later. Bless you.

S&C

S&C, seems the board is back. I hope you enjoyed your break.

I may be divorced. WW says it's final. Nothing from my lawyer yet on this question. He hasn't returned my call.

So what I did think I heard God say, that I wouldn't be divorced was not a word from God after all, but just my wishful thinking.

Yet another confusing thing in all of this.

Can't God see that I'm struggling to hear Him in this, and struggling to hear what He wants me to learn and do with this event.

Well, I need to get to bed, I've got a big day at work tomorrow.

T

It was final on 3/18/05 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I am so sorry Tony. {{{Tony}}} Hugs to you. I can't even imagine what you're feeling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm really sorry Tony. I saw your e-mail to me and I will reply to it as soon as I can.

Had a hard time trying to log in at first until I figured out my password wasn't all lowercase.

Your Brother in Christ.

S&C

Tony, I'm so sorry to hear of the divorce. I would like to encourage you to continue your walk with God. God is not the bad guy here at all. HE loves you.


In christ's love

Angelia

I guess not many folks have things to say. Thank you for those who have commented. It doesn't really take away the pain, but it's nice to know so many care.

Where are the folks who "knew" that God's will would prevail and I wouldn't be divorced?

T

Tony, I'm concerned about this statement...."Where are the folks who "knew" that God's will would prevail and I wouldn't be divorced?"

I read back through the entire thread looking for mere humans who might have told you that God would not allow the divorce to happen and I couldn't find it. I found where people told you they didn't think it was God's will, where they didn't believe that God would interfere with your wife's free will, etc but I couldn't find that you wouldn't be divorced.

There are some who wrote to you that their spouses left them, divorced them and then years later God brought them back together.

Tony, please don't be angry with God over this. The devil is the enemy and he is the one to be angry with. God will sustain YOU.

I hope you will remain faithful to the Lord, I hope you will continue to seek His face - for in Him is happiness, peace, and joy.

God loves you and even though you are divorced now, doesn't mean that's the end of the world. God can take what the devil meant to harm us and turn it into good. I do not know what God's will is for your life, what he will do for you...I just don't have that insight. However, I do know that God says that if we put him first, if we seek him first and all his righteousness that all those 'things' will be added unto us. We have a part and so does He. Tony, be faithful. God isn't finished with you yet, God hasn't abandoned you, God loves you with an unfailing love.

My prayers are still with you.

Angelia

I don't know what done deal means to you, but to me it meant that God will make this happend.

He didn't, I'm disappointed. I don't like to see Satan win even one battle.

JSC (Tony) - A "funny" thing happened on my way to the forums today. For some reason (that was beginning to annoy me) I can't seem to access JFO, GQ II, or Recovery today. The ONLY forum I could access was this one and the ONLY thread that had a current post to "pique" my interest was yours. Ever wonder about the "hand of God?"

I read enough of your thread to see some basic questions and some basic misunderstandings. But I'm going to refrain from posting unless you tell me you would like my input. I don't intend to intrude upon your thread without your invitation. I will also ONLY respond if you are really are open to searching for answers and willing to DO what God commands regardless of how you are feeling. Understand that I am NOT talking about "doing" what is anything other than a clear command of God, not my opinion or any else's opinion.

Perhaps to "pique" your interest, let me ask you a simple question regarding anyone's relationship with Christ, if they claim to be a Christian. Consider it something to think about as you contemplate whether or not you want any further comments from me.

What power does a Sovereign Lord have over the life of his subjects and who has the right to "command" and who has the obligaton to "obey" no matter what they might feel, or even if they don't understand "why" they are begin commanded to do (or not do) something?

God bless. I look forward to reading your response.

Herein lies the basic fundamental misunderstanding. Perhaps something you might want to talk further about?

If you want to pursue this further I will also give you option to continue it by private email, or here in public, because there are some very basic and personal questions that would need to be asked and answered.

God bless.

Forever Hers, I think that's a big part of the problem, I'd be happy to do what God wants me to do. My question is, what does God want me to do?

It seems His plan did not include keeping my family together, so to better accept this, I'd like to know what it is that He wants me to do.

I can give, I can love, I can tell the truth, I can follow the "rules" but we know that God wants more than just the law.

We started with one rule, don't eat of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. Adam and Eve broke that rule, and because of the sin of Adam, we are all sinners.

Moses was given the law from God and we lived under the law. But we couldn't follow those rules either, so we had to sacrifice.

Finally, God sent his Son as the perfect lamb of God, to wash us clean from our sin. We are called to share this good news with others.

So I'm looking for where I fit into the body of Christ, where does He want me to go?

Because of my confusion, I have to be 100% sure that what I'm told to do is what God wants me to do.

So this whole thread has been to ask God, to ask you folks how to ask God to show me his way for me.

I've accepted Christ as my Savior, but how can He be Lord over my life if I don't understand what he wants me to do?

God brought my wife into my life, or allowed her to come into my life. He allows all things that happened. So, while I'm not blaming God, I know that he allowed my marriage to end.

I just recently read starting in Numbers 22 about the false prophet Balaam who was enticed to place a curse on Israel, yet sent his angel to speak to him and tell him what to do.

So one of my questions is, if God can speak plainly to people, and God wants a personal relationship with us, why don't we hear from him in these unmistakeable ways?

I don't deny that I mis-understand. I can't understand how God says he hates divorce, but when a believer, asks God what it is he wants me to do, expresses that I'm having difficulty reconciling what his word says about divorce versus what God has allowed to come into my family.

Please understand, I don't blame God, but I am asking the question, "You've allowed this to happen, so what do you want me to do now?"

How are you going to heal all of us?

Well, that's enough for now. I'm not sure I even understood your first of these last two messages, so I don't know how to answer.

T

Tony, I hear a lot of things in your "voice" as you post. Most are understandable because of the trauma of infidelity. Fear, doubt, uncertainty, unsure if God really does love and care for you, etc. They are normal feelings Tony. But I also get the impression that you are sincerely looking for answers. Now I'm not sure that anyone can give anyone "100%" certainty about anything because a lot of what we are talking about concerns faith, not physical science and the scientific method.

So before we go chasing after too many issues, let's try to focus it down a little and try to eat this elephant "one bite at at time," okay?

The first question I would have for you concerns your status with God. I read that you "accepted" Christ as a child, so I want to know when you repented of your sins and surrendered your life to Christ as your personal Lord and Savior.


Okay, let me state it again; What power does a Sovereign Lord have over the life of his subjects and who has the right to "command" (you or God) and who (you or God) has the obligaton to "obey" no matter what they (you or God)might feel, or even if they don't understand "why" they (you or God) are begin commanded to do (or not do) something?

What does "Sovereign Lord" mean to you?

These questions may seem simplistic, but they are not. They are basic to understanding our relationship with God and basic to getting the answers to the questions you have stated. So if we are going to build a castle, we need to start with the foundation and follow the blueprints if we expect to build a solid, safe, and secure structure that won't fall down with the first passing wind or shifting sands of life.

Also, if you could bring me up to speed on your ex-wife's faith, or lack of faith, it will be helpful to me. If you could point me to a thread or give me a synopsis of your wife's infidelity and your and her efforts since d-day, it will also be helpful in formulating future posts for you.

God bless.

Well I have faith that God can speak in such a fashion that it's 100% certain. The Bible is full of those cases where God spoke to folks, or sent his messenger.


I was in 6th grade, so I would have been around 12 years old. To say that I completely understood would not be true, but I do understand that we choose to both accept salvation and that we give our lives, making God Lord over our lives. So I acknowledged that I was a sinner, that Christ died to save me from the death that was the penalty for sin, and that I would seek to make Him Lord of my life.

And to be sure, I've asked Him over and over again, to be forgiven of sins, for the ability to clearly hear the holy spirit, so I can do what I need to do to make Him Lord.

So I've asked that my heart be changed and healed.

I've asked if there is any sin that is keeping me from a relationship with Him that he show me.

What is there left for me to do?


He's in charge. It's His will that we obey. God has the right to command. We have the obligation to obey.


It's in here somewhere, start here http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...h=true#Post1250

There should be stuff in this thread as well, as Shul asked these questions before.

Hi Java (Tony),

I read your first 2 pages, and I read the last page.

(((((((((((((((tony))))))))))))))))))))))

FWIW: I heard the same the same sentiment that you did--that God would restore your marriage.

But that's beside the point.

The part that's crappy is that God will not decide for your wife what she is to do. He will allow her to wander and amble, and pursue things that do not honor Him (or those people in her life who have been faithful--like you).

You will suffer. Your children will suffer. People will suffer as a result of her woundedness, her rejection, her sin... People are suffering.

It's horrible, awful, sad, and must sometimes cause you to despair. YOu loved this woman. You provided for her, and cared fo rher, and did the very best you could, and she walked away. For money? To be coddled? To be free? Who knows.

The point is, I'm very very sad for you about this. And I think it is absolutely horrible, and I do NOT believe that it is God's plan or God's pleasure that people would divorce.

But here's the good news (if you aren't too discouraged to hear it): He makes our crooked paths straight.

Do you see the importance of this? Perhaps your wife has knocked you off course. Pushed you in the wrong direction. Sent you reeling with no certainty about what to do or where to go.

In short, she has pushed you onto a crooked path.

But God will restore even this. At the end of your life, when you stand with Jesus, you will look back at this time.. AT this crooked, desparate, despairing time... And you will see that to HIM, it is not crooked at all.

He will use this in ways you cannot possibly imagine. Ways that you might find healing, ways that you might heal others; ways that you might have been prevented even FURTHER hurt were you to stay together with your wife.

Yes, God could have fixed this marriage. BUt only if both were open to His leading, guiding and correction. Only one of you was. That meant she was free to wreak havoc in your life and the lives of your children--which she did.

But God has not forsaken you, and He never will. He cares about you in this, Java, and He has good things for you.

Don't run to fast to try to find them. Instead, focus on being still before him, because HE is God. He may never let you see what good comes of this on this side of heaven. Maybe you will just have to trust him, and then in heaven it will all be revealed, I do not know.

I only know that you are NOT alone, and God cares about your pain!

He loves you more than you can know or imagine. More than you love your children, more than anything. He watches you, He listens to you, He loves you. And when you cry in the silence, He is there.

Blessings to you, Java.

Tony,


You know I'm not going to tell you that I have all the answers. But I can tell you what I see and what I know about God.

As I watch my son grow up, there are many things I see in his life that I would have wished happened differently. I could have butted in and saved him from his choices, but he would not have learned anything from them. Some of them are really scarry for a parent too.

My desire, was thet he make better choices. I even explained some of those choices and that making the wrong choice would make his life kind of miserable. Even after being, told he still choose to do the wrong thing. Now he has to live with the choices he made. And the fact is, the choice he made has effected others (even those not deserving of the fallout). My will was for him to make better chioces. Sometimes it doesn't happen. I cannot be blamed for his choices. I tried to influence him in the right ones.

The same is with God. His desire was and still is to reconcile your M. She still has the free will to choose otherwise. It doesn't change what God's will is.

You ask what is wrong. I can tell you what I see. And what I see is a God wanting a relationship with one of His children; and that child looks at Him and says; "IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT MY W WANTS TO LEAVE OUR MARRIAGE. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BRING HER BACK, BUT YOU REFUSE TO DO IT THE WAY I WANT. IF YOU DON'T DO IT THE WAY I WANT I WILL REFUSE TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY."

I doubt you actually have seen that in your writings, but it is there. To answer your question from before the board was changed. I think the reason all the reading you have done and the prayers you have said hasn't brought you closer is because you have kept him a arms length. You have done this by blaming God for your W's choices. You've have been upset because "God allowed her to be tempted to leave her M". You've kept Him at a distance because He "allowed her" to make her choices. In your eyes, it isn't your W's fault, it's God's. (At least that is what your posts seem to suggest). And as long as you continue to think like that you are the one keeping the relationship from becoming more intimate. You can't be intimate and bitter with the someone at the same time.

He wants you to see that He can take all of the hurt away but you have to let Him. As long as you are focused on the circumstances you can't be focused on God. Jesus longs to heal you my friend. I know this is a struggle for you, but you can be victorious over this.

Bless you.

S&C