My apology. Being tired is no excuse for sloppiness.

I am curious, though. Did you use your wife's comments about not wanting to set foot in "that church" again as an opportunity to ask her "why" she feels that way?

I suspect it has a lot to do with her fear that others will see her as an adulteress, or it could just be the thought that she might actually have to face God and her choices.

I wonder if she is attending any church these days? Does she plan on having a "church wedding" to the OM?

Interesting areas of discussion that begin to "break the bubble" of the affair being "God's will."

I take it, also from your comments, that no one has ever "confronted" your ex-wife with love according to a Matthew 18:15-20 intervention.

It is obvious that was not a "1st Marriage" for her from what I've been able to read so far. I have not read enough yet to learn if this was a "1st" you or not. Regardless, I am curious as to why her first marriage ended and equally as curious as to why she thinks of herself as a "Christian."

Too tired right now to go into some of the other things you posted, but thank you for the synopsis, it is helpful.

God bless.

It really wasn't the time to pursue that, standing in front of YD's school with YD by my side. I dropped it rather than risk an argument in front of YD.
Actually, it was the first marriage for both of us. XW had a child out of wedlock about 4 years before I met her. She was raised Catholic, and then turned to a non-denominational church some time after having a second child out of wedlock. (This child was put up for adoption.) I was raised Baptist, and we attended a local Baptist church. I know she has been to a couple different non-denominational churches and attends mass with her mother on occassion.

I know she attends with MOM, but not to the Baptist church.

Thank you,

T

(from 9/24/04 to Steadfast and Committed)
Maybe what I heard before wasn't really God. He provides His word, and when I read His word, I see that this is not His will. I read that He will provide peace and I have no peace. It is His word that is so darn confusing.

I'd like to ask the author for some clarification, some specifics as they relate to my life. So I pray, and I hear nothing. I've heard answers before, now I hear nothing.



(from 9/16/04 from FH to Tony)
The blessings that God gives you in your family, in the husband and wife relationship, in your physical life, are meant to point to a deeper and fuller blessing: the actual presence of the Lord Jesus Christ in your life. He is life abundant---not your husband or wife, your house, or your children. Jesus Christ is ours, and we are his.

(Current Posting by Tony): "It's pretty simple. Let's assume that you are right, that God has spoken to both of us and either we haven't understood or we willfully choose to ignore God. What did I miss? What does God want me to do now?

If God wants me to let go of my wife, then I ask him to take away the love and desire I have for her.

If God wants me to pursue my wife, then I'd like some hints on how to be effective.

If God wants me to wait, then I ask for peace while waiting."


Tony, God wants ALL people to come to Him through Jesus Christ. Those that do become the “bride of Christ.” Even though it is God’s desire that ALL will CHOOSE Jesus Christ as their “husband,” not all will.

Some will never marry Him as they cannot “stand him” or believe in Him.

Some will “shack up” with Him because they like the “nice things, but are not ready to make a “full commitment.” They “reserve their “option” to end the relationship anytime that they wish or whenever they think that they might ACTUALLY have to change and “give up” their “right” to continue choosing sin over love and obedience and surrendering their will to their “husband’s will.”

Some will marry Him on THEIR terms. They will have a “civil” marriage where they “appear to be ‘in-love’ , but in reality they are only putting on a false front to “Get what they want for the moment.” The idea of “Agape Love” is not part of the deal. They put their “faith” in the “civil” (human) side of what marriage is and embrace the idea that, “well, if it doesn’t ‘work out’, I can get a divorce because society has said that ‘no fault’ divorce is ‘okay.’” They keep their “fingers crossed” on the “until death do us part” of marriage vows. In short, they lied at the beginning to get what they thought they wanted, not because they were “surrendering” their “right to behave as a single person” to someone else exclusively…out of true love. At best, it could be likened to a “marriage of State, not love.”

Some will marry Jesus in TRUTH. They will marry for life. They will marry for ALL parts of the marriage vows, not just the “good parts.” This IS a “born-again” Christian. This IS someone who will love God even if they die as a result of that love.

Tony, marriage among human men and women is “supposed to” mirror this last sort of scenario. But as humans, we tend to let our “feelings” get in the way and we make decisions based upon how we “feel,” rather than upon whether or not our choices are in concert with God’s will. We tend to make choices according to the other “types” of marriage reasoning (to Jesus).

It would seem to me that God spoke clearly to both you and your ex-wife BEFORE you got married. I don’t know enough about that time in your lives to really comment, but it seems apparent from the intervening years leading up to the separation in 2003 that neither of you were “walking closely” with God. It’s more like you were willing to take the “good things” of marriage that you “felt” you wanted, but were ignoring the “harder” things, especially the things that might require you (both you and your wife) to put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own needs.

Being humans, you each began to respond according to human emotions and the LACK of having those needs fulfilled. That is NOT God’s problem, obviously, because it is the HUMANS who are doing the choosing in what behaviors they embrace and what behaviors they choose NOT to do. In each case, it became very self-centered and self-oriented….the complete opposite of what God taught and commanded.

Tony, you have given us some information about some things that preceded your marriage, but not enough to give a feel for where your wife, or you yourself, were with regard to having personally accepted Jesus Christ as your individual Lord and Savior. I suspect from what you have written that you had such a conversion experience (perhaps as far back as 6th grade that you mentioned), but that you allowed Christ to “slide to the rear of your bus” as you got older and certainly during your marriage.

Your ex-wife, on the other hand, I can’t reach a possible conclusion about from the little detail. Raised “Catholic” means nothing, not any more than “raised Lutheran, Baptist, or Plaid.” Each of us must individually accept Christ as our Lord and Savior at some point. I have not read anything that suggested your ex-wife ever had such an experience. On the contrary, I have read much that suggests strongly that she never did surrender her life to Christ in anything other than an “outward mask” to go around “disguised as a Christian” but not really surrendering her life to Christ.

If that is a correct assessment, then it is obvious that you were in an “unevenly yoked” marriage. In such a marriage, the “non-believing” spouse might actually come to a saving faith at some point, but it’s usually a result of the “believing spouse” following God in humble obedience and providing that model and leadership.

God knows the hearts of all people, but we humans don’t have that ability. So we are cautioned strongly and clearly by God to NOT be unevenly yoked. Not because such a marriage “cannot work,” but because one would be functioning as the “bride of Christ” while the other would be functioning as the “bride of Satan (worldly).” As we are warned, we cannot serve two masters. In such a situation, Satan holds the “upper hand” in the life of one NOT committed to Christ and you, the human partner, can’t come close to matching Satan in fulfilling her “wants and desires and selfishness.”

We are further warned not to be unevenly yoked because others could be hurt from such a union. Specifically, children could be hurt. HOW will they be raised? Who will teach them about God, Jesus, and living a surrendered life? What “hurt and harm” could befall them if the parents divorce? “I shall never leave you nor forsake you” is modeled in marriage to our children also, just as Christ promised to His bride and the children of God. Yet the divorced marriage says to the children, “see, that promise was worthless.”

As humans we are fallable. We DO make mistakes frequently. Some of our mistakes are “small” and easily correctable. Some of them, like an unevenly yoked marriage, are “big” and potentially fraught with much danger for ourselves and those connected to the marriage. Thank God that He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins when we repent. Thank God that He DOES speak to us clearly when we are faced with the consequences of what may have been OUR poor choices and not God’s unwillingness to “help.”

God does not say that there will be no pain or hard times to get through. Forgiven does not mean that consequences are erased. God does promise to give us the resources to get THROUGH each day and the promise of a better future as we learn from our mistakes and walk with Him in humble obedience each day and into the future. Sometimes the “hard times” are brought on as a result of what we did. Sometimes, as in the case of Job, they are the direct result of Satan that God allows. This is more rare, but God allows it as an example to others that NOTHING is as important as simply loving God and following Him. No material possessions, no marriage or family, no health…nothing. I “came into this world a sinner, I leave it to be with God for eternity because of what Christ alone did FOR me, not because of anything I did or didn’t to…save accepting His free gift.”

So Tony, where does this leave us and your desire to “hear” directly from God?

It leaves us with a possibility that you will have to think about and evaluate, since only you have all the facts and information about your ex-wife and your marriage.

It IS possible that your marriage was an “unevenly yoked” marriage. IF so, then God has already spoken clearly and concisely to you through Scripture.

“But if the unbeliever leaves, let him(her) do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (1Cor. 7:15 NIV)

Tony, such “letting the unbeliever go” does NOT come without pain and anguish. We ARE human and we HAVE invested our emotions in our spouse. That’s not much different than a WS who has invested their emotions in an Other Person and then has to go through the pain of withdrawal. Emotions are REAL and are God-given. But, as with so many things that God gives us, they too can be “misused.” They can be used not as God intended but as we sinfully choose to use them. So pain and hurt over a divorce IS normal and not “discounted” by God or by anyone here. It HURTS. But as with Job, it’s not fatal and God knows our future, we don’t. We, as Christians, put our faith, hope, trust, and love in GOD, regardless of our circumstances. God IS faithful. Why? Because He first loved us. Because He “proved” that unshakeable and unending love by dying for us while we were still lost in our own adultery from Him. He gave us all that He could give, being faithful to the PROMISE that He made to us way back at the beginning. “Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. But not MY (human) will, but your will be done.”


Tony, if your marriage was unevenly yoked, and God knows Lori’s heart, then God HAS answered your prayer with a “no.” He is first and foremost interested in protecting you, as His child and as the bride of Christ. He “will” no longer want you to be yoked to an unbeliever than He would allow an non-believer to be a “bride of Christ.” It IS possible that God could also use the trauma of this breakup to reach her heart and bring her to the point where she would finally be able to surrender and accept Jesus Christ. It MIGHT be possible for the two of you to be remarried at some point in the future. But there is NO guarantee. That is WHY God has instructed us to “let the unbeliever go.”

Brother, you have been asking all along “why won’t God speak to me?” “Is it unreasonable to want God to speak clearly and unmistakably to me so that I know it is God speaking and not just some well-intentioned human?”

I submit that perhaps God HAS been speaking to you, but since the “message” is not what you WANT, you have not been “listening.” You may have been “hearing” but not understanding because the answer has not been what you perceived as “God giving you what you want” because you “did such and such” and that obligated God to give you what you wanted, even if it was NOT in accord with God’s will.

Tony, the “peace” you seek comes from surrendering the “control of our lives” to God.

“But if the unbeliever leaves, let him(her) do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (1Cor. 7:15 NIV)

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace n which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” (Rom.5:1-11 NIV)

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Phil. 4:4-9 NIV)

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. [ the secret is: ] I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Phil.4:10-14 NIV)

Tony, it is NOT the circumstances of life that “give us peace.” It is in following Christ that we gain peace. As in the case of “first loving before love is reciprocated,” we DO, we OBEY, because we first love God and what Christ did for us. Our feeling of “peace” is what we receive, we begin to feel, as we put into practice that which God has told us and taught us.

We do not “do” or “obey” to receive something that is “owed to us” because we did something. God knows OUR hearts as well. He knows when we obey out of love for Him, not expecting a “quid pro quo” response, but simply because He already gave us all that we needed in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

We gain “peace” when we walk as His humble servants, resting in His great love for us, His “bride” and His children.

God bless.

FH,

I believe I'm saved, I believe I've clearly shared that before.

I believe this summarizes my plight. It's easy for me to consider Christ my Savior. However, making Christ my Lord is the hard task for me. Giving up my wants and desires is what I find difficult. They could be as simple as wanting to be right, or as ugly as sometimes wanting to see that lightning bolt strike my XW.

For instance, how do you rejoice in the Lord always when you don't get to see your child everyday. I know I'm supposed to rejoice, but the joy isn't always there.

Well, gotta go, work just got really busy this week, so I don't know how often I can respond or meditate on all of this.

But I will find time to send all of this thread to my PDA.

T

Tony, we are not in a "race," so take all the time you need to really remove yourself from the "distractions" of life and be able to read and digest this information. No doubt you may get some answers, but you'll also likely generate more questions.

Let me spend a minute on something to add to your ruminations as you try to digest all this material:


There seems to be a possible misunderstanding here. No one, myself included, has been saying that you are to "give up" your wants and desires. There is nothing wrong with having wants and desires. You should read some of the things that I have posted about my wife's FOM. But you also need DISCERNMENT. What you want is to "turn over your wants and desires" to God so that those that are "in concert" with His will (not yours or your perception of "how you would want it if you were in charge of granting petitions) are done. I can tell you that the horrible forms of revenge that I have felt, and contemplated, for my wife's FOM were horrendous. Yet I knew (discernment) that to act on them would be sin. "Be angry (righteous anger), but in your anger do not also sin." "Vengeance is mine, says the Lord." "It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the Living God." So, I acknowledged my feelings, wants, desires, to God and turned over to God the "right" to deal with the OM as He saw fit....mercy or punishment was released into God's hands.

My basic "want" is that the OM someday comes to find Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior because God had mercy on me, an equally lost sinner before surrendering to God. But I, and/or my wife, are NOT the ones to witness to him. God WILL bring someone into his life if that is God's will. In the meantime, the consequence we live with is that there shall be No Contact with him by us for the rest of our lives.

I also know that some will never accept Christ and their punishment is going to be far worse than anything I could ever dream (want/desire) up.

In addition, I knew that the "real" problem for my wife was NOT whether or not we would remain married. The real problem was her sin against God. Adultery, unrepented of, is "prima facia" proof that any profession of faith in Jesus Christ is false. The real problem was where would my wife spend eternity, heaven or hell? I knew that if she repented to God first, we MIGHT have a chance at recovering our marriage...or at least building a new one more firmly dedicated to following God's commands in humble obedience, no matter what we were feeling. Either way, the future of our marriage was in God's hands also. Yes, * I * wanted to remain married the woman I loved, but I also knew that ONLY if God felt that was in our best interest would that happen. He would NOT put us back together again if we were not broken and repentant of our individual sins and surrendered to Him leading our marriage, not our own desires or feelings.

Tony, I also sense a misconception about the concept of "rejoice" and "joy in the Lord" despite the circumstances of our life.

We rejoice NOT in the very real troubles and hurt that come into our lives, but we do so because God has rescued us, miserable sinners, from a life of adultery against Him and we have inherited eternal life with Him, not just this short span of time while we are alive on earth.

We "rejoice" at times when God chastises us, because He loves us enough to "correct" us when we stray. We "rejoice" that God uses the circumstances in our lives to teach us more about how to walk with Him and how to live a more "godly life." We do NOT "rejoice" or feel "joy" about the actual, very real, pain of the moment. Neither did Jesus Christ "rejoice" or feel "joy" in the real pain and anguish of the crucifixion. He "rejoiced" in knowing that the Father was in control and that the Father "uses all the circumstances in our lives to work for good in us and the sure hope of the resurrection and eternity with God."

This is NOT "funny, ha-ha" sort of joy and rejoicing. This is the joy that comes from thankfulness for all that God has done for us and for being there with us as we go through heart-wrenching and painful trials.

God bless.

Sure folks have, what about my desire for a quick, instant resolution. I understand what you are saying, but I also have to point out that many folks have asked me to give up, even God asks me to give up my desires to follow His time table.

I have to give up my time table which is a big part of my wants and desires. I didn't specifically say that, but it is one example of a want or desire that I often have to release.
I have a pretty good imagination. I have gone back and forth between praying that OM would find Christ, and that a bus would find itself parked atop OM. I usually end up praying that OM would find Christ immediately after capturing thoughts at the other end of the spectrum.
I believed, still do in many ways, that my XW has accepted Christ as her savior. I know her announcement of leaving brought me to my knees confessing to God that I had failed Him and failed my wife in my prescribed role in the marriage covenant.

I prayed, asked, begged my wife to attend worship with me, to sit down and pray with me about our family and our marriage.

I'm so frustrated that neither me, nor God could reach her with His truth.

Yes, I understand that it isn't a ha ha! joy. It's more like contentment, confidence and as you said, thankfulness for what we do have.

I do thank God that I have a great job, I live in a comfortable home, my 10+ and 11+ year old cars are reasonably reliable and of course, paid for.

It's tough at times, but I thank God that he created enough computer illiterates to keep me employed, LOL. I do ask Him to keep the machines humming from 5pm until 8am on weeks like this when I'm on call.

I think I'll revist Ecclesiastes, to focus on how earthly pursuits are fruitless, and to focus on what God has to offer.

Thanks,

T

Tony, my man!! Isn't this the very frustration that all believers have with nonbelievers and anyone "lost in the fog of sin?"

But, God CAN reach her with the truth, IF she is indeed one of His children. Just like Jonah, she can refuse to hear, refuse to obey, and can choose to "run and hide." But God can also use other circumstances to "reach her."

On the other hand, if someone has simply been "professing" a belief in Jesus Christ without truly accepting him as their Lord and Savior, then you will have the same "frustration" that Jesus had in talking to the young rich man in Matthew 19:16-28.

Tony, there is a book that I think might be of great help and comfort to you if you would care to read "another book." I have contemplated typing in some of it for you, but I think you'd really benefit more from having the entire book and reading it in it's entirety. The book is called, Rebuilding Your Broken World, by Gordon MacDonald. I think you'd especially find chapters 12 & 13 very helpful for "where you are" today.



Tony, we are "arguing" semantics here. You can continue to "hold" your wants and desires for quick resolution while at the same time "waiting on the Lord" because He knows more than you do about what is truly needed and the timeframes needed. If it helps to clarify this, think of it like all Christians' desire that the "Lord returns quickly." We believe in the "imminent return" of Christ while at the same time acknowledging that ONLY God knows the actual timing of Christ's return and that He "tarries" so that all who will come to Christ WILL come to Christ. To come now, which would be what I desire, would satisfy ME, but it would be detrimental to others who would no longer have the same opportunity I had to come to Christ. God KNOWS the timeframe that is needed to accomplish His will.

God bless.

Tony,

Been thinking of you today. How's it going?

Still divorced!

I'm on call this week, so it's a double whammy. I don't get enough sleep, I have to stress about if I'll get home to take care of the cat and let the dog out, since XW is gone (and left the animals she wanted with me)

But God provides.

I hope he provides a quiet night sleep before church. I wasn't able to sleep before my call tonight, I hope I can sleep now, without the pager waking me as well.

I do feel sleepy after the call, so that's a good sign.

T

Did you get the sleep you needed? How was church? Anything in the sermon that stuck out for you?

Sat night wasn't bad. I've only slept two hours tonight, I'm in-between calls right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


I made it to church, but not Sunday School. I know I'm supposed to worship. Today was friend day. I didn't have anyone I could bring <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

We had an evangelist, so it was a "turn before you burn" sermon. I believe I've turned, so no, I didn't really get much out of it.

Well, off to my next adventure in computing.

Thanks,

T

CEH, 6 days since my last post to you. NO response from you or even an acknowledgment of the post even though you've posted a couple of times since then. No comment on the book I suggested for you either.

Ever wonder why?

I am.

Oh ya, you're too stressed out and overworked. None of the rest of us are, so that must be the problem.

CEH, you seem to like the "drama" of this, but the minute someone tries to give you practical helps, you "pity party" it and drop into the "CEH is being attacked" or "CEH is too busy" routine. Even church is no good. "Turn before you burn" is NOT just restricted to accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. It can be extended to submitting our entire lives to God and NOT just the "initial decision."

I know the reason you are doing is that you are still feeling very hurt about everything. But feeling hurt is NOT an "excuse" that you can use to do whatever you feel like doing. So, were you serious about accepting Christ as both Savior and LORD in your life? If so, then doesn't it make sense to "be about the business of becoming more Christ-like in your life?"

C'mon CEH, people really are trying to offer help. Why do you keep pushing them away and seem to be looking for the "dark cloud" instead of the "silver lining?"

I don't even know what to say. I haven't purchased the book, let alone have time to read it. You can choose to view this as an excuse, or you can understand that one week each month, I pull a 7 day by 24 hour on call shift. Sometimes I don't get any calls. Other weeks, like this one, I get called every night.

Interpret that as you see fit.

I don't always post from the comfort of my home, sometimes I read from a customer site, or at the office waiting for a part delivery or something similar.

I never said I was overworked. Sometimes my job is stressful. Funny, I don't think I've complained about anything but not getting enough sleep this week.

I don't like drama at all, I like things to be very predictable, tied up in neat boxes. One of the things I love about my job is I get the chance to take chaos, and bring it under control.

And for you to say I'm not is rather disrespectful. I am about the business of becoming more Christlike. I am NOT about the business of becoming more FH-like.

Sorry, you are the one here seeing dark clouds in my actions, hinting that I'm not seeking to be more Christlike and ascribing complaints that I've not made.

I'll check again, but I don't believe I've complained about anything save not getting enough sleep. Oh yeah, I worry about getting home to care for the animals too!

Hmmm, I didn't have to worry about that when my wife was here.

In many ways the divorce is better for me, in many ways it is worse for me. Things like no one here to let the dog out or feed the cat and dog just remind me that the answer to stopping the divorce was no, I won't stop it.

So of course I'm hurt. No, I don't want to stay hurt. The pain just has to either go away or be taken away. Hearing that this is part of God's bigger plan takes away none of the pain, and frankly, often makes the pain worse, not better.

In many ways, it feels like a further betrayal. Is it a betrayal by God. Of course not. However, since I can't see the picture God can see, all I can see is what I read in scripture, and I understand that God wants marriages to stay intact, it appears to be a loss for God's side.

Telling me that we will win the next one, or this is character building doesn't take away the pain of the loss.

A win might take it away, it might make you forget about the loss, or it might make one appreciate the coaches efforts. Only God is not merely a coach here. He actually wants us to turn it all over to him, the entire game.

I'm rambling on two hours sleep in the past 24 hours, so I'll revisit this later.

Thanks,

T

You know what? I agree with you. I'm getting far too concerned about what you are doing and whether or not you are even reading anything that has been posted. Not so much as a one line, "read it, will take much time before I'm able to respond more fully."

That IS my problem, not yours.

So you are right, I will shut up. I should have learned earlier.

FH,

I looked last night for the book you suggested and it is out of print.

So I'll try Amazon.com to see if I can find a used book. It was copyrighted in 1991, I don't know how many printings were made of this text.

Thanks,

T

I found it on Amazon.com. There seemed to be a 2004 printing that Borders didn't know about. (The local Christian bookstore has gone out of business.) So I should have it in a week or so.

T

Tony,

Glad to hear you're getting that book. I hope it helps you find some answers. {{{Tony}}}

Hi Tony,

How are you?

Shul

Shul,

I'm better today. Did some more work on the house, getting it ready to sell. (It's looking good, maybe I should stay, LOL!)

Went to a birthday party of a friends daughter. It was her first birthday. Took my YD with me, so she had fun with some kiddos and I got to play a little "baseball" and hotbox with some teenage boys and 40ish men.

Then I went to a meeting for our mission trip to Peru this August. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I'm going to Peru for a week to do some work on a seminary down there. Just some light carpentry work and painting. The school is used to educate ministers on site as well as for correspondance training. So even if I can't deliver the gospel in Spanish, I can work on a place that teaches those who can. My opportunity to share is with those I work with, explaining the trip, why I'm going, and why I believe it's important.

I used to do stuff like that before I got married, but only domestically. I chaparoned on youth trips and even did some World Changers events. (Like Habitat for Humanity, but done by the Southern Baptist Convention.)

That's one thing that has picked up in my life since XW left. I helped with a youth lock-in for new years last year, and have volunteered for other things.

So it's been a full day to say the least. YD has passed out, and I'm going to bed pretty soon myself.

Oh, the day had hurts too. I saw couples at the birthday party. I still heard on Christian radio how marriage and family are very important to God and how we must preserve them. Imagine my frustration that I wanted to do that and didn't feel like I got much help from the church or God regarding preserving my family.

Where was Dr. Dobson anyway when I was praying for my marriage and family? How about Dr Richard Land? Chip Ingram?

Not really fair of me to get upset with them, I should have been tuned in to what these folks were saying back in 1996 when I got married at the ripe old age of nearly 31. Now I'll be 40 this year, much wiser, and much more sad at times.

Oh, and if FH is reading, I got an e-mail from Amazon, my books have already shipped.

Planning to be in Memphis for Memorial Day, to enjoy some blues and BBQ, oh and I'll take in a Redbirds game too!

Thanks for asking,

T

ps, I don't mean to be rude, how are you doing?

t

The book arrived last night, so I will start reading soon.

T