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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3
M
Junior Member
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Junior Member
M
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3
This is my first time on the MB forum. I came across this website while at work one night. I really have gotten some great info from some of you! I'm 39. H is 43. Married 18 yrs and have 4 kids! As any member who is married to a policeman knows ,the stress level is always extremely high. Anyway, I've dealt with so much nonsense in the last 18 yrs that I just woke up one morning and said "enough" That was back in June when I asked H to leave. He did but came back 3 days later promising he'd try!! Yeah, right !!! H does not fill my EN whatsoever!!There have been no EMA's on either part but I'm just about ready to start looking!! I have tried EVERYTHING to get some spark back into our marriage - H actually thinks theres nothing wrong!!!Where do I go from here?????

Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 155
L
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L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 155
Since he is willing to try, I suggest you read some of Dr. Harley's books/materials together, go to some marriage seminars together or a marriage retreat. Is he willing to talk & listen? Communication is soooo important! Sometimes it takes the men quite a while to understand marriage needs. And PRAY! But please don't give up! With God all things are possible! I will be praying for your marriage.

Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 10
T
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T
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 10
I am married to a narcotics detective and know all to well the unique situation that spouses of police officers go through. It always helps me to sit down and write out exactly what bothers me. Then sort the items by what can and cannot be changed. If items that can be changed are easily identifiable and definable to H, then I hope that you can find the strength to try. I have found the EN quiz very helpful. It even helped me to articulate my needs to him better.

But while you have his attention, you need to make good use of it before the next adrenaline rush at work makes him forget his priorities. Good luck, keep me posted and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 51
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W
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 51
I realized it was over when H came home and said he was done. He took all of his clothes and personal belongings. He told me not to call him, just email him. He took his paycheck out of the bank. Oh course I called him and he did pay the rent for the first 2 months. I had just quit my job due to sexual harassment, with H blessing and he still left two days later. He is a passive agressive conflict avoider age 51. And yes, he is in yet another affair. I deserve better. We have been married for 27 years and have three grown kids, 19, 21, & 23. Shortly after leaving, my daughter told me she had stage one cervical cancer. I was going to move, but stayed home with her. My H wouldn't tell us where he lived, but we finally found him and he was served with divorce papers. It is a process. There is shock, denial, sadness, grief,anger. It would take a miracle from God to bring us back together. I do hope we can heal and at least remain friendly when this is over. All I want now is my support money and out of limbo. It is What it Is and you know when it is over. I hope this helps.


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