Steve, thanks for setting up a place for us!<P>Hi ladies. I have already posted my comments about this chapter on Lor(Lor)'s original post. Please post here with <P>1. your feedback about Chap. 1,<BR>2. a brief prayer request for this week.<P>I think if we start a new string with each chapter, it will be more helpful to anyone who pops in later...<P>Feel free to be the first to post on subsequent chapters...<P>LizPearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Not 15 minutes ago, the pastor dropped off the book for me. He had been at the Christian bookstore in Fargo, and picked it up. He also bought me the prayers that avail much.<P>My husband has been controlling the finances, and I haven't had access to money to buy this book. I never told anyone my desires for these two books, the Power of a Praying Wife and Prayers that Avail Much. Deb has been posting the prayers that avail much on the prayer section of this forum.<P>I just want to say that God is so good. He knows our needs, and is abundantly able to supply them. I feel truly blessed!!!!<P>I'll have to review this book a little - and get back to you on chapter 1. Thank you all so much. I really think that the Lord has his hand in our situations, don't you?<P>Starting this discussion off with a prayer:<P>Dear Lord,<P>I just thank you for your love, and guidance. I know you are able to do all that you say you can. I thank you Lord, that you will be with each and every one of us that goes through this study, and pray that your Holy Spirit will renew our minds through your Words and your son, Jesus Christ.<P>All the glory goes to you, dear Lord.<BR>Amen

My prayer request is that my husband would re-dedicate his life to the Lord. That I will know when to shut up and pray. That I will be able to stay in God's will and begin to focus on my myself and my own sin, instead of his. <P>Chapter 1: I have been trying to use what I've learned in chapter 1. Sometimes when I get aggravated with my husband about something, instead of complaining to him, I just go in the bedroom and tell God about it. Tattletale I guess, since we are God's children. I try to see my husband as God sees him. I have also realized that I spend alot of time worrying about his faults when I have so many of my own.

Yeah the new forum is up. <P>I just found it and have to go to bed. I will try and post tomorrow night when I get home. <P>This is just so cool!!!!!<P>TNT...I read your post on this and other forum. It is wonderful that you got your books and what a great surprise. God sure keeps his eye on you sister.<P>See you all tomorrow. I can't wait. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I'm so excited about this group! I've been reading the book and got a lot if insight from Chapter 1. What meant the most to me in this chapter was the 3rd chapter on page 26: "Gradually I realized it's impossible to truly give yourself in prayer for your husband without first examining your own heart. I couldn't go to God and expect answers to prayer if I harbored unforgiveness, bitterness, or resentment. I couldn't pray my favorite three word prayer without knowing in the deepest recesses of my soul that I had to first pray GOD's favorite three word prayer: "Change me, Lord." This really made me think. I have been praying morning, noon, and night for my husband to change. It didn't seem like anything was getting better. I had occasionally prayed for God to help me be the kind of wife and Christian He wants me to be. After studying this chapter, I think I have a better understanding of how I need to pray. I have been harboring unforgiveness towards my H, and the OW. I have started praying for the OW, and have just recently found out she reconciled with her husband. Thank you Lord. <P>Since getting the book, I've been changing my prayer focus from H to me. In every prayer I ask the Lord to show me in what ways I need to change, and to help me make the changes He wants me to make. I have been much calmer, especially with H. My H still is drinking a lot, but has been trying to be more affectionate, something he rarely was before. I felt a need to pray for the OW, and have been doing so. I also told the Lord I will forgive her. What I'm working on now is getting MY heart right with the Lord. I'm still praying for my H and others though. As Stormie says "God wants our hearts to be right so the answers to our prayers are not compromised."<P>My prayer request is that the Lord continue to work in me, and to help me continue to make the changes He wants me to make. For the Lord to convict me of any wrong thought, word or deed. To give me a soft, kind, forgiving heart. And to help me not listen to the enemy. <P>Dear Lord, thank you for all you have done for us. Thank you for giving us this Bible Study forum. Your love and understanding is so great, and we are thankful. Help us to have the kind of heart You want us to have, and to confess our sins to You so that our hearts and souls may be cleansed. Fill us with the Holy Spirit, Lord, and show us the path You want us to take. In Jesus' precious name we pray, Amen. <BR> <P>

Thanks to all who have been posting. This is such a great place. I just finished Chapter 1 and feel totally renewed. I have been trying to discuss with my husband ways we can change to meet each others needs and he just doesn't want to hear it. He kept saying "I can't change and neither can you. This is just the way we are." Well, no more! God can change me and him if that is HIS will. He has already begun with me and I have been showing lots more affection than before and receiving it in return. I feel this is so right! A friend told me earlier I had to change my ways not just to get my husband back & save our marriage but to be the person/wife God wants me to be as stated in the Bible. To be obedient to God! That is what I have been trying to do. Every time I try to take things into my own hands, it doesn't work & we take one step backwards but when I trust in God to do the work, we seem to take one step forward. I hsve been reading 5 Psalms and 1 Proverb each day and praying and now reading this book with new prayers and I can tell you it has made a world of difference. Those who know what I have gone through can't understand how I am handling it so well. I tell them it is not me but the Grace of God! That doesn't mean I don't have my down times, but they certainly are not as deep. He has lifted me out of the pit! I will pray for all of us working through this book. Blessings, Joni

I've been underlining the parts that really speak to me. This book is really written by a woman for a woman, isn't it!!! I love it!<P>In the acknowledgements, she confesses to God that "prayer is more powerful than contention." <P>She talks about conflict. Conflict isn't "created" - but is a result of differences in people. Before implementing prayer - she tried arguing, pleading, ignoring, avoiding, confronting, debating, and the silent treatment. <P>She also says that the best thing is to have woman prayer partners to pray with you every week. That is what the beauty of the marriage builder forum. We have that within our study group! Praise God!<P>I really like the conversation she had with God - that resulted in her realizing that she expected fairness - and realized that life isn't fair - but God is.... And that the changes begin with her.<P>"Shut up and Pray" is so good. she says "...prayer is the only thing that ALWAYS works... If there is anything I really want him to do, I've learned to pray about it until I have God's peace in my heart BEFORE I ask."<P>"Timing is everything." "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back" (Proverbs 29:11)<P>"Our goal must not be to get our husbands to do what WE want, but rather to release them to God so He can get them to do what HE wants." <P>Praying for discernment - so that when you speak the words you must speak, - speak them to God first... "it's best to let God hear them first so He can temper them with His Spirit." <P>And then back to the Positive Confession..... "God says He speaks of things that are not as though they were. you can do that, too. You can say, "I'm not going to pretend, but I'm going to speak of things that are NOT part of my husband's life as though they WERE part of it."<P>If we try to control our husbands by having a big list for them to live up to and then are angry and disappointed when they can't, WE are the ones in error.... <P>This one really spoke to me. My husband is demanding a list of expectations from me. This is the part that I need to really pray for guidance from God from. <P>I really like how she shows the Godly women in the Bible - and some of the examples she gives to help us understand some of her points. <P>This is really a good book.

Hi Ladies!<BR>I've been sick--bronchitis, ear infection, no energy--for the last week. I'm so glad so many picked up on this book.<P>TNT--I also found PRAYERS THAT AVAIL MUCH this past week...hmmmm. I keep that one in the car and pray when I'm waiting for the kids.<P>I find this book is helping me with discipline. My prayers had gotten so whimpery and nagging. I have to remember that this is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE I am talking to, not some recalcitrant child (which seems to be where the rest of my life is).<P>I am caught in some unforgiveness. I saw the OW the other day, she pulled up next to me in traffic. There was a second where I saw myself jump out of my car, pull her out of her and absolutely commit mayhem. At this particular point, forgiving my H seems like a piece of cake next to how I feel about her. As Alcoholic's Wife points out, my harbouring ill feelings compromises my prayers--even though I have sat and deliberately forgiven her several times. Now I have to rebuke Satan's wiles in telling me that I cannot/have not forgiven.<P>"Create in me a clean heart, O God."<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

I am still having trouble shutting up when I want to defend myself. I know that the only judge I have here on earth is God, but I still find myself feeling defensive when I am accused. I am finding my heart is not clean concerning my husband. I really want a clean heart. So, confessing to God my unforgiveness toward my husband is really key right now for me. I think I am going to have to confess to God over and over and over again - and accept his grace over my heart daily. <P>David prayed for a clean heart. He asked God to create one for him. This is my first step in this entire process.<P>Lor, I understand how you feel. You are right. Getting on my knees right now. Praying for a clean heart to be created in me.

Hi. I keep finding more hidden areas of anger and unforgiveness, and I have to keep praying "Lord, I lay this at your feet and ask that you take away the hurt that precedes my anger. Thank you that you went to the cross for all these sins, my unforgiveness, their infidelity..I lay them at the foot of the cross. Please heal my heart so I can live the way you want me to."<P>LizPearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

I also am doing alot of looking inside and coming up with resentments, anger and little ugly monsters that make me grit my teeth ALL THE TIME!!!! <P>The prayers about getting rid of this stuff and laying it all down at the feet of God is such a necessity!! I am usually pretty good at getting past things, but when they keep popping up daily from H it opens the damn of the rest that I tryed to lay down.... UG<P>I did a bible study 2 summers ago at our church on being a disciple... It was a couple who's last name was Gillum, and they talked alot about letting go... She had an excersize that went like this....<P>Take a Helium balloon... A watch..... some 3x5 cards and a marker....A heart poured letter about the situation you cant let go of<BR> in a SEALED envelope... <P>Go out to a BIG field, write what you need to let go of on the balloon (Something short like "H + OW affair")Let the balloon go and watch it untill its out of sight...record the time/day/month/year and under that This is the day I released this to the Lord... on top of your cards, under this, your short explaination "H + OW affair" .... Record the time/day/month/year on the outside of your envelope too... (your envelope should have nothing else on it)<P>Put up a 3x5 card everywhere you spend time.. Bedroom dresser... Bathroom mirror... Above Kitchen sink, etc... Put envelope away in a drawer somewhere...<P>This is NO magic act.. some of us just NEED to do some sort of imagine/action to really realize we let it go... Sooooo everytime it comes to mind.. look at a card and say "I LET IT GO" <P>I don't think this is exactly like she explains, but close enough to get the picture. I may have to do this myself, as I have been picking it up from HIS feet too often... Maybe the image of the balloon disappearing into the heavens will have a better effect of closure of these negative feelings...<P>Any comments at all... Anyone else read the book or watch the video series???? <P>Lord Bless us all.... cozy

Finally got my book today. Seems as if the Lord has been preparing me since August for the book. I am seeing a confirmation of things I have been working on. Words for one thing and the power of them. Better to let God do the changing in my H's life then to try and do it with my words. The other thing is expectations. I now can say I don't have any. My expectations are in God alone. If He sees fit to change my H to meet my expectations for a spiritually strong mate then praise God. Otherwise the Lord is sufficient.<P>I had my surgery yesterday and all went well. So my prayer is a praise, my H was by my side and I didn't need a Hysterectomy!!!!<BR>I am also looking forward to everyones comments and participation on this Prayer forum.

Cozy:<P>I did something similiar to what you are talking about. During my separation, when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, I took a picture of my husband and laid it on the alter (released him to God) and walked away and left it there. I then changed the way I was praying. I quit telling God what I wanted and just prayed for God's will to be done and for Him to help me to be able to accept it either way. Within a week, I started seeing changes in both of us. And pretty soon he was home! Praise God!!!!!

Prayer does wonderful things. During our separation I had no desire to restore our marriage. I was done, period. I thought that what he had done was unforgivable, and never wanted to see or speak to him again. At night my son and I would say a prayer together. As a consideration for my son, I would pray for God to take care of "S's dad". Apparently God had other intentions for us, because my mind got changed after about eight weeks of separation. My H started asking to see us and be with us, then wanted to come home. He has been back for over a month now. Although there are major issues that need to be resolved (the three A's, abuse, alcoholism, affair) we aren't fighting. This is a major improvement for us. Before we separated, every night H would come home drunk, be either verbally or physically abusive. He tormented me and ridiculed me continuously. I became a nervous wreck.<P>I'll continue to pray for H's salvation and for my transformation. I, too, need a clean, forgiving heart. I have forgiven my H, even though he has not asked to be forgiven. Today a friend told me she saw one of my H's friends and he told her that I had really changed (H and I saw this friend over the past weekend). My friend told me he said he couldn't believe I had forgiven my H for what he did. Sounds like my prayers for me are being answered! I hope that the Lord molds me into a great example of His love and kindness, and uses me for His will. I want others to see a reflection of Christ in me. That is what I'm striving for right now. Praise the Lord for all You have done! <P>If the Lord can change my heart, there is hope for everyone because my heart had become very hardened over the last few years. I had begun to feel that God had forgotten about me because I was being hurt so much by my husband. I felt that I was being emotionally and physically tortured by H, and how could God let him do these things to me? God couldn't hear me, because my heart was not right. It was full of bitterness and resentment, and well, hate. <P>Dear Lord, please help me to continue to work on changing myself. Cleanse my heart, and fill it with Your love, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness. Show me the way to be what You want me to be. Thank you for all You have done. And thank you for this group.

I thought this was a great reminder for those of us who are married to unbelievers. I'm on a list for daily devotions - Inspiration On-Line by Terri Main. These are really good inspirations. Their website address is <A HREF="http://www.evangeltab.org/." TARGET=_blank>http://www.evangeltab.org/.</A> <P> Our job as Christians is two fold to praise God and to draw others to Christ. We are going to do neither of these jobs well if we are harsh or bitter. <BR>People come to Christ when they see their need and our concern for them. <BR>Frankly, I've seen some Christians that would make me think twice about getting<BR>saved if I thought I'd turn out as bitter as they are. But take someone who<BR>is gentle, kind, benevolent, caring and loving, and the world will gather<BR>around them asking "Why is this person so kind? I want what he or she<BR>has in my life."

I am going to get the book today. I can't wait!

All right.... I have been really thinking about all the things I'm still holding against my H for this 4th and 5 year long affair.... Man, my MIL said that OW told her last month that H and OW had been TRYING to get pregnant for a year before she finally concieved...<P>I really need prayer to release this mess.. each time I think "OK, I'll let yesterday go to you Lord, praise you for the good in today, and not try and mess with tomarrow." I hear something like this and get thrown for a loop.... <P>I need so much prayer.. even my own thoughts come against me at times... I can't go a few hours without something negitive showing itself..... THIS IS HARD!!!<P>Lord release me from the bondage of this bitterness, resentment and negativness toward my husband... I know I cannot go on like this and stay in Your favor... Please start chipping away at my hardened areas of my heart and make it moldable and fruitful once more... In Jesus name.... AMEN<BR>

I posted a while back on the subject of respect. I got some great feedback from others who found it hard to respect their H's after the affair. That is the one requirement God gives to wives, they are to respect their husbands. Starting on pg 41 there is some great insight into this. I believe it is a real issue for Chrisian women especially because they want and believe their H's are to be God's leader in the home. The question arises "how can that ever be again after their fall into adultery?" I guess what I'm saying is the "how" doesn't matter, God says "respect your husbands" period.<P>Lord, forgive me for my lack of respect for my H. I know I have not seen him through your eyes and I have seen him as less then a man too often. Help me to begin this day to show respect in word and deed. "Tear down the wall of hardness around my heart and show me how to respect my husband the way you want me too". IJN I pray.

Dear ones, <P>Please read my post "A Story of Forgiving" (posted as Liz Smith, my previous username). It tells of the power we tap into when we follow God's prompting.<P>Anyone who has already been praying in the His Work chapter, please start a new string for Chapter 2.<P><BR>Taj - I, too, struggle with respecting him. I remember your other post about honor and respect. It is so hard, especially when his Christian principles were a major part of my attraction to him when we dated. <P>I don't know if others of you are in the same situation, but my h. no longer considers himself a 'believer' since his affair. I am trying to live out God's love and grace and forgiveness to help him remember what it was like to enjoy the freeing presence of God's love.<P>Lord, please help us to live out your love for our husbands in ways they can understand and appreciate.<P>In Jesus name, Amen.<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

I haven't purchased the book yet but I think I am going to. My prayers go out daily for my husband but sometimes I feel he is so closed they are futile(although I know prayer is never futile). Thank-you for starting this discussion group. I will come back after I have read some of the book.<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole