Hi Ladies,
I have been so busy. No time to post till now.<p>I need to share how great the book 'Bold Love' is. I am blown away. Here is what I have learned so far....and I am not done with it yet...just halfway through. I did read a chaptor in the back that applied to...but believe me what I am about to share is only a brief synopsis of what I have learned....there is so much more to learn and practice!!!<p>I am reading this book now entitled, "Bold Love" which really examines the deeper spiritual issues of the human condition in relationship to being able to 'boldly' love one another in spite of our hurts, differences and weaknesses. What I have learned so far is that I have been re-acting unwisely instead 'acting wisely' to my husband. Specifically (because of the kind of person which he is which the book calls his kind a 'foolish' person) I have been defending myself against someone who isn't 'listening' to me. Whether I used guietness and trying to please him to apease him to ease the rage(which led to me becoming a victim) or I used yelling and rage to fight his rage(which led to me becoming a b-tch), I was getting nowhere. <p>With such great wonderful precise detail, what this book has driven home to me is that he is acting this way in a rather foolish attempt to preserve himself. We all have different ways of protecting ourselves and he has chosen a really 'unhealthy way'...anger and rage. I have my own unhealthy way too, as do a lot of us and this book is helping me to identify why we do that and how to love in spite of that. When we can understand this, we release ourselves from the shame and guilt that binds us to re-act in certain ways. This then further frees us to not only look deep inside and begin to understand how to change ourselves so that we can love others without fear, but also helps us to understand others so that we can learn how to truely love them with a 'bold love'. This is not whimpy stuff here. I am going through some real deep self examination and believe me, it can hurt. But it is also very freeing and in the long run, will be very positive. <p>Anyway, with my hubby, since he has chosen do deal with his own guilt and shame by being abusive and blaming with his words and actions, I am learning that I can be both strong and confident in telling him just how foolish he is being with his words and decisions while still being loving and kind because I am seeking to do these things in his best interest. I am not being arogant here, just matter of fact. He needs to accept that he is using me as a means of escape from accepting responsibility for himself and his own crap and that he needs to work on himself to become a better, whole person and not try to escape by pointing the finger at me. If I feed into his crap by being silent or engage in a yelling match, then it just makes him worse and me more frustrated...but if I can be gentle as a dove, yet cunning as a serpent with my words and actions, all the while having his and my best interest at the heart of what I am doing, maybe, just maybe, he will "get it" eventually. Of course, my other most valuable tools for waging this kind of war against this dysfunctionality is lots of faith and prayer. <p>I am not finished the book yet and will probrably need to re-read it and take notes, but I am ready and willing to begin to excersize a healthy constructive change within myself so as to hopefully, heal a very unstable marriage and help my husband to become a healed, whole loving kind person also. I said I was ready and willing, but the able part will come in time. <p>AND all that is written and shared in the book has scripture reference AND is biblically sound. This is a real eye opener for me. I have been using secular pshyco bable to try to biblically understand myself and my husband and not getting anywhere. Now I know why, God's therapy and counsling is sooooooooo different then man's. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. We cannot understand God on our terms when it comes to dysfunction and marital/family problems. I knew this before, but didn't know how to go about understanding how to get counsel God's way. Now it is much clearer.<p>So, there you have it. If anyone is interested in getting the book go to the post "Bold Love" here and you'll find the details on how to check it out at amazon.com.<p>God is so good! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you frstrtd. Wow. I saw your post on this book before, and I thought, well, I'm separated with little hope of things ever being right. I've spent inordinate amounts of time reading about ptsd, verbal abuse, anger problems, passive aggression. I'm thankful to be educated in these matters, but frankly, I've had it up to my eyeballs with spending time learning about H's problems. I want to spend time on me! Maybe this book is a good one for me right now after all?

In my opinion, this is a book ALL believers and followers of Christ should read...whether they be married, single, parent or child. I am very impressed. And with the past spiritual and other related abuse I have had in my life, I usually am not apt to share anything but the 'bible' and God's holy inspired words and messages with others. But this book is an exception. The author(s) take God's word and Jesus' living example and through thier own experiences and extensive prayerful studies, bring to life the very active living principles about how to better 'love' God's way, that so many beleivers in Christ miss today. It really defines how to live Agape love in our relationships with ANYONE.<p>If you invest in it, you won't be sorry.

I think that Bold Love would be an excellent next bible study if you would be willing to lead us through it. I know when I did the Boundaries in Marriage book, I learned so much myself. I would be willing to trudge through this one as well. I think it would help us to affirm one another in speaking the truth in love and boldness. I know I learned a lot from others in the BIM study. Please consider leading us.

SueB,
I am considering just that. BUTTTTTTT, is this the appropriate place to do so. I certainly would do it if it is the right time and place. Do we need to contact the administration and/or the moderator to get permission or do we need to DO anything to make it official or what!?? I am not so sure how to proceed, but time will tell. <p>I will ask anyone who is interested to please let me know right here by posting. The book review and the book itself is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_67_1/102-2145902-8397745 <p>If you and I are the only ones SueB, then maybe we can work something out...but I hope and pray that others will join. I have seen noticable differences in my walk with the Lord and in my relationship with my hubby already and it's only been a week or so since I started applying some of the principles I have learned. I am much more relaxed and have no need to PROVE myself to anyone anymore. It is so freeing. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Let me know gals.<p>God Bless

I guess you could look at the format of the other studies we have done here, POPW and Boundaries in Marraige and some of the other books we have touched on. We haven't asked anyone in the past because for the most part, we do come back to the POPW stuff and review different areas as it applies to us in our walk and in our relationships. We can certainly see how The rule of honesty fits with speaking the truth in love stuff that Allendar talks about. I just love how these things blend together.

I ordered the book a while ago, but it hasn't come in yet. Let's just go ahead and do it in open forum. Don't be shy.

OK, Kareena, no more prodding please. I have a quilty conscience already cause I said I'd do it and haven't even started! Gollllllly. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I thought if I procrastinated long enough either no one would care or a few more people would join in. I am truely hoping for the later to occur. <p>OK, so we will get started this week. Kareena, I hope you get your book soon. I will check in again tonight and see if there is anyone else who wants to join, and at the same time give it a kick start...see ya then. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>bev [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Can I join?<p>Except I don't have the book yet...<p>I'll get it as soon as I can.

Of course you can join Bgentle. And since you don't have the book yet, as I am sure a few don't, I prayed about it and decided to quote quite a bit out of the book to start with so everyone can be involved. Besides, what is written is has much more impact then any of my own words could. <p>Ok, I am gonna post the first part under a new thread entitled, "Bold Love:Into"<p>See ya there....... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]