keystone,<P>I'm so glad something positive came out of V-day for you! <P>Right now I'm a total mess. As strong as I thought I was towards the end of last year this is all taking its toll on me. I think yesterday was just the topper to everything. I just can't stop crying. <P>I was sitting listening to D#1 on the phone with my mom last night, she asked grandma to be her valentine. Then she said she had 8 valentines for the day and that made her happy. She started by naming, mom, grandma, grandpa, two friends at school, another male friend who surprised her with a flower yesterday and two old boyfriends that called her yesterday. D#2 yells out "what about dad?" ....no response. Sad but true. <P>H came online last night (I guess out of guilt) and emailed me a card. A little to late as far as I'm concerned. I did not LB last night unless you consider the fact that when he switched to my name I didn't check my mail and came right to the site then got booted off AOL and never even tried to sign on again. I think that upset him that I didn't get his card last night, but like I said it was too late as far I was concerned. I went to bed instead. <P>I just got a letter from my girlfriend wanting to know why I'm shutting everyone out of my life at this point. I know I'm doing this, in fact I'm doing it because I'm tired of being such a downer to others. <P>I haven't sent out any email jokes in about 4 days now and they are all starting to wonder whats up with me. <P>She keeps telling me to hang tough and be strong. Well right now I feel so weak! I know the winter here is not helping matters for me. I usually get a little down the first 3 months of the year until the weather starts to break. <P>Hopefully things will start to brighten up for me, with or without H. <P>One day at a time! Small steps!<P>Lord only knows I'm trying.<P>falsely accused<P><BR>

FA --<P>So why don't you get together with your friends. Just you, no kids and no H. Enjoy a day. Do something you want to do. Or, just go to a movie to get out of the house, and from under the cloud. Again, RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOU FIRST!<P>I'm sorry to hear about last night. "A little too late" is the thing I'm trying to correct in my own marriage. After trying to correct things, I just felt my W was so non-responsive. Then, out of the blue comes yesterday. Who knew...?<P>Take care of yourself FIRST. Then your kids. Then your H. Maybe it will force him to realize that he also has to take care of himself and his own needs, and not rely solely on you. You're not his mother -- you're a spouse. An equal. A partner. Remember what you said to me some time ago about regaining confidence in yourself. That's exactly what you need to do now. Follow your own advice! <P>Now, don't get all fired up and go to war. Instead, use it for yourself to hunker down for a little longer.<P>Keep me updated. And...<P>(Always keep your) Chin Up!<P>--keystone<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited February 15, 2000).]