turnabout is fair.....<P>what do we women want...and how do we want it....and what are we willing to do to get it?<P>I'll start this thread, but I'll post my wants tomorrow as I have to go tend to a few 'wants' that Deut has.... <P>also, how does one fit those quickies and raw sex around an active and CURIOUS 4 yr. old?? (if you are out of sight for more than 6 seconds, he comes lookin'...LOL)

Well, I want to feel loved. When I feel loved, I'm ready for anything. But don't *itch at me about nothing (or anything, really ), go all day without a hug or kiss, and ignore me in favor of the TV and then expect me to jump out of my skin with joy because he reaches over and grabs me for a quickie with minimal foreplay when we go to bed or at 3 am. <P>And, about that 4 year old...well, that's when TV (hey, using it for a babysitter on <B>special</B> occasions isn't really so bad!) or a video or computer game comes in handy. <P>When our daughter was about 3, she learned my MiL's phone number and called Grandma about a dozen times a day if I didn't watch her (didn't want her bugging Grandma to death!). My H used to be in the habit of coming home for lunch and was always h*rny (ah...<B>those</B> were the days!! <I>sigh!</I>) Anyway, we always parked her in front of Sesame Street, put the nightlatches on the outside doors, and locked the bedroom door. One day, unknown to us, she picked up the phone, called Grandma and told her, "My mama and daddy have locked the bedroom door and won't let me in. I'm gonna call you and tell on them everytime they do that." Boy, was I embarrassed when my MiL told me that! <BR>

Hi friends, I read the other post about what do men want and thought they were extremely honest and helpful. (it did make me feel even more lonely since I have no one to share those moments with).<P>But I agree with Sweetpea. I think a lot of women have no problem with any of those desires, and if the men recall, we "did" do all that in the beginning, before we were cooking, cleaning, etc, etc. <P>As long as I have some sort of affection at some point during the day, I am up for anything at anytime and anywhere (H refused the anywhere part). IF he would hold my hand at dinner (even if we are out with the kids) or put his hand on my lap at dinner, brush up against me so I can feel his excitement, call me and tell me he is thinking of me and he loves me. I have a lot of fantasies through out any given day. As long as I have any form of physical contact, a good morning kiss, a welcome home kiss, touching my body anywhere or just a hug when he passes by, it puts me in the mood instantly. In my case, my H was like Sweetpea's description, and then some. Come home and throw the TV on and ignore me. Then at 3 am when he has a good dream, i get woken out of a sound sleep. Of course, I obliged,but not really happy about it. <P>I also like a lot of the ideas the men had for spontaneous turn ons, (shower, phone call) but don't recall my H doing anything but the shower.<P>Oh and also, surpirse gifts, chocolate, flowers, a victoria's secret toy or lingerie, a lot of these things don't cost an awful lot either, but it would be nice to get a gift for something other than VDAY, BDAY, Anniversary and XMAS. Show us how much you love us.<P>How about set up an entire surprise weekend. Send the kids to the grandparents, book a honeymoon suite at the hotel, wine and dine, the whirlpool jet bath (my favorite) and complete devotion to your wife. Don't tell her where she is going, just do it. Pack some lotions, bubble bath, wine, and anything else that helps enhance the mood. If she doesn't have to set up the daycare, it will be such a treat. <P>OK I am signing off now as this whole topic is getting to me now. Good luck all@!!!<P>

Hey lonely - I got a little choked up hearing how this kind of talk was affecting you - with VDay right around the corner and considering most people here are going through some pretty rough times in their marriages, I actually hesitated to post any responses to any of these posts because I thought more people would feel like you and the subject would be sad and depressing remembering the good times and knowing you don't have them right now.<P>I guess I just wanted you to know that I am sure none of us intended to make people feel sad because of this - it sounds like you are a pretty wonderful person with alot of love to share - keep your chin up - I apologize for not being here long enough to know your situation, but I am positive you will find someone to share all those special moments with - be strong!!

I feel that a lot of men, my H especially fail to understand that women want to feel important, not just in a sexual sense. <P>I would like for my H to take the initiative and plan an evening for us together. Make arrangements for the children, make the reservations. There is a Valentines Dinner planned through our church, but we probably won't go because I haven't found a babysitter and didn't pay for it last Sunday. I am probably being unfair to him by not telling him I want to go and then being mad at him because he hasn't even asked, but resentment still alters my actions and my ego.<P>I think women want men to know what they want when the time comes without being told. This may sound unfair. A woman must also express her wants to her H in order to make it fair. This goes for the other way around as well. I know my husband's tastes when it comes to clothes. I know what size he wears. I know his tastes in movies, that sort of thing, because I have noticed and listened over the years. Sometimes I can make the wrong assumption, but I am constantly asking him about his likes and dislikes to keep up to date. <P>Something I find so very frustrating with my H is that around the time of any gift giving event, I will make sure to bring up things that I need/want. I know this is hinting, but at the same time I make sure to talk to him about what he needs and wants. I talk to him about my likes and dislikes all the time. If I see something I like I usually say so, whether it be clothing, or home decorations. This is a good argument for going window shopping with your wife, you can learn her tastes. <P>Then when it is time for him to buy me a gift we claims he has no idea what I want. This really hurts me. It makes me feel unimportant and ignored.<P>This last Christmas I made him a excessively detailed explainatory list, but still didn't get what I wanted, and got some stuff I couldn't use or didn't like.<P>Another hint, don't always give you wife something that you want her to have or that is sexual in nature. Sometimes is fine, but if that is all you do then it may come across as selfish on your part, especially if your wife doesn't feel she is getting any affection, only demands for sex. If you do give her a little pink box from Victoria's Secret, make sure you say something along the lines of "I saw this and knew you would look fantastic in it". Whatever you do, don't say, "Man, the model on the poster looked HOT in this". .<P>Romance is something that can be expressed 24 hours a day. Love can be expressed by not belittling (big issue in our marriage), by not taking your wife for granted, by showing appreciation for all the work that she does. By watching her so that she feels you like what you see.<P>Valentine's is very monetary, but you don't have to spend anything to express love. Surprising her with a wonderful dinner prepared by you (it can be barbecue, or even a candlelight dinner of Tomato Soup. A lot of times effort and thought are the most treasured gifts.<P>I have always felt that my H views any sort of gift to me as a chore that he has to get finished. It has become his habit to just wait until after my birthday or Christmas and then tell me to get myself something or goes with me to let me pick it out.<P>[This message has been edited by Tired LuLu (edited February 11, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Tired LuLu (edited February 11, 2000).]

I remember last valentine's day my H was working a lot of hours and didn't have time to get me a card. So he wrote a love letter and left it on my vanity for me to find. It meant far more to me than any card would have, because it was HIS thoughts to me, not some cardmaker's. I loved it.<P>

Tired Lulu - are you my twin?<P>Boys, I agree with almost everything that Lulu states. I would like to add something. Lulu says:<P>"I think women want men to know what they want when the time comes without being told."<P>I think that many of the reasons for this are that men HAVE been told in many cases and choose to hear without listening. Comes a point and time where we are so frustrated with hints and direct "I would feel great if......" that we actually expect them to suddenly realize that our withdrawal from the offers of hints and outright in-your-face clarity is their cue to set things right and to KNOW what they should be doing. Again, doesn't make it right. Kind of like an "aversion to telling it like it is"..... the more often you do it with negative consequences, the less you want to go there and risk being dissapointed.<P>I think that genuine affection with no further intentions is a big one for me. To be touched, talked to, appreciated without EXPECTING to get laid. Otherwise, all the good intentions get lost as being just a vehicle to satisfy a selfish, self-serving desire. This does not mean that men cannot express the desire to make love but they also need to accept that if they are "turned down", the affection, touching etc. cannot stop immediately if they want their efforts to have been interpreted as sincere. Now if you are ALWAYS being turned down, that is another question altogether and the root needs to be looked at. <P>Point is simply that with give and take, you cannot give ONLY with the intention of taking or you won't be getting too much. (Does this make sense????)<P>What would I like? Genuine and sincere effort with MY needs, likes and preferences at the roots of these efforts. Money means nothing. The two key words that make me feel most loved and appreciated are GENUINE EFFORT. I think that if most of us felt that there was genuine effort in actions and words, it would be so much easier to want to satisfy your needs. Problem is, for many of us, for so long we did satisfy your needs, all the while with our hearts being ripped out, tossed on the floor and stomped on that it gets harder each day to get back there. <P>Sorry if this has a "downer" note on what was meant to be a positive and enlightening thread. Could we do a post V-day happy thread about the good things we experience? Not sure if I would be a poster on that one but there is always the chance and ...sometimes living vicariously through others who have been knocked down and rebounded offers glimmers of hope.

Ok ...I have had a lot of time to think on this since all I can do is think about it.<P>Ok just plain out I like sex anyway my H is willing, I love the romance side of H the rose petals on the bed him giving me a bath and going as far as to shave my legs take me out of the tub and dry me off, give me a back rub and make love to me then breakfast in bed the next morning.<BR>But then there this side that wants to sometimes be ravished completely...when H would grab me by the back of the neck and pull me to him and kiss me hard (I was caught off guard of course) it would take my breath and make my knees week his hands rapped in my hair and pushing me up against the wall, some times wild fall off the bed sex is a good thing. H always wanted it when I was so busy I couldn't even think normally when I was cooking. (It had to be something with the kitchen) but when I would try to slip in the shower he would tell me no.<BR>But I want more than anything is to know he is totally in to what we are doing or I am doing to him I mean I want him to tell me. H like me to talk "dirty" to him when we are having sex but he tells me his fav thing is for me to be on top (all the time gets old though).<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

to LuLu <P>I agree with you 100%. <P>To Lisa,<P>You brought up a LOT of good points too. I will be out of this forum til After VDAY as today is a down one for me.<P>Will check back in next week!!<BR>

Tip for fathers: Don't give your mate the EXACT SAME HEART-SHAPED BOX OF CANDY you give your daughter.

Add to Quandry's post.....<P>.....or anything that would be seen as something either for your benefit primarily, or even something for "the family" - give her something for HER......

PS: (sorry for the crude side of me I am about to reveal) for one night, if only for one night, GREAT BIG FARTS DO NOT HELP TO ENDEAR US TO YOU. Even little ones don't help. Ladies?<BR>

LisaM - WHAT?????!!!!??? Isn't that part of foreplay??? :-p<BR>(just kidding - good tip to us men - hehe)

It is foreplay if you are MY husband (feel sorry for me girls, or at least some empathy)<P>It's worse if it is followed by a look of greater pleasure than the sex we just had, and also the ever passionate "ahhhhhhhh" that also sometimes follows "a good one" <P>Can't believe I am typing this for the world to know, I guess there is safety in being anonymous..... Hey, I'm human, I fart too but I also realize that there is a time and a place for "really good ones" ..... read distroy the mood if inappropriatly timed!

I know what you mean Lisa, my H used to try the cover trick....I didnt find it funny.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Thank you for the suggestions ladies. Although they are things I have done, I can always be reminded to do them more consistently. <P>One question. How do you ladies feel about oral sex? I have begged my wife to let me arouse her this way for 12 years and she absolutely won't let me. Is this something that is good, bad bad or indifferent to you?<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

Ok John,<BR>I'll answer first....<P>To me oral sex is almost a "requirement". It's the best foreplay but also one of the greatest ways to have an orgasm. <BR>(thank God for anonymity!)<BR>Ok now everyone knows all about me!! LOL<BR>Come on ladies! Answer the man's question.<P>Seriously though, there are women who look at it as being dirty. It's just a matter of opinion. Talk to her in a loving way about it (not a lusty way). Maybe one day, she'll decide to try it.<P>Good luck,<BR>Mitzi

I can't believe I'm saying this but I am....I admit that I love to perform this on my H.....I wish that he would like to perform it on me. I feel sometimes he puts in the token effort so that I will spend more time on this with him. It angers me because I am like LuLu. I try to anticipate his needs, wants, and feelings and I attempt to fulfill them without his asking. I feel bad when I need to ask him to perform something or to give me the "appropriate" gift. When he had the affair and I found out about it I quit doing the "good" thing. Like his birthday, I would go all out. I am famous for the cakes I make and he likes them. I always made the time, last year, forget it. I even out of spite bought him a "gift certificate" instead of spending the time I would have normally in buying something so special. I think things are better in our marriage, especially more now than ever, but there are days when I want to scream, Hey, I'm here, make love to me, not just have sex and go on. Spend that extra few minutes making me feel special, just a stroke of your hand or a kind word. Say thanks for the little things I do for you, I say thanks to him all the time. Don't take me for granted, I might not still be here tomorrow if you do. <BR> <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

John, <P>just an idea......<P>prepare a bath, warm, with bubbles, and wash her yourself....or let her is she is more comfortable that way....shaving her can be intensely erotic....for you both....you'll never know until you try...<P>lead her an already prepared bedroom (by this I mean candles, scented oils, gentle music, clean sheets, turn up the heat way high)....whatever you know will please HER...<P>blindfold her.......seductively and VERY LOOSELY, use a silk scarf to tie her hands over her head....<P>tell her that you are her pleasure slave...<P>then start at her forehead, butterfly and whispery kisses....work your way down....<P>respect her wishes should she tell you to stop, of course, but hey!! you never know...<P><BR>Dylan

I love Oral sex giving but getting is the best IsIt2late dose your wife not like the feeling or is it just the thought? If it is the thought you might tell he their wont be any kissing after if that is it. But she needs to be relaxed if you want her to enjoy it, just let her know that she can be in charge and can tell you to stop if you do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable just go slow and tell her to be open and honest about it and you will not think "bad" of her or think she is a pervert if she likes it.<BR>Here is a plain to try if you want…You get the kids a sitter without her knowing, tell her to plain a shopping trip with a friend or going out for a cup of coffee, drop the kids off as soon as she leaves, put candles all over the bedroom and a trail to the bedroom by each candles put a note by it telling her to take a piece of clothing off at each one when she gets up to your room have her completely undressed tape a note to the door saying come in have the room filled with candles and rose petals on the bed you be standing there completely dressed in her fav outfit on you. Have soft music playing and pull her close and dance when she is getting in to the dance SURPRISE her and pick her up, take her to the bathroom where more candles are lit and a hot bubble bath is run. Put her in it and don't let her do anything you wash her from head to toe, even shave her legs, whey you are done pick her up and dry her off and carry her to your room and lay her on the bed and pamper her with a great back rub.(by the way somewhere in here is where you lose the clothes) Then let your hands and mouth wonder and go-slow if she gets tense back up and slow down even more just make a night of it. <BR>Just let her know you are just there for her pleasure that night. And I'm sure you can take it from there <BR>ok that a part from the romantic in me<P>Ok now it seem we are giving a lot more ideas that we are getting on the "MENS" thread fair is fair, we are giving step by step ideas so c'mon guys.<P>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net