Hi <B>Kat</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I really thought you guys would make it for a while<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know what, so did I! Even today, I thought, god, why didn't this work? I think mostly it's because there is so much anger and pain... way too much to overcome. Would Harley's methods have worked for us had we given 100%... maybe. But I'll tell you, I would have done things very differently, ya know in 20/20 hindsight... and yes, when you said... [quote}There is a lot behind, that was never dealt properly - I talked to you about this before - and it was carrying into the present.[/QUOTE]Yes, I so agree... in fact, I'd say it's the whole problem in a nutshell.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I do think that you guys love each other.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes, we do. That much will never, ever change.<P>The rest of your reply is so dead-on that it's almost embarrassing! <P>Thank you for understanding, caring, and always saying what's on your mind!<P><B>mrrlk</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Was that a mutual and joint realization for both you and David? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>For the most part, yes... but I'd say as today winds down, he'd say it's my decision, not his. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...did you talk in your sessions about the Personality Issues I mentioned to you which you acknowledged?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I tried, David would not allow it. He doesn't see his emotional problems as... well, problems, and he certainly doesn't think that they add one way or the other to our marriage. He honestly thinks he's a-okay, and that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>e is that your heart has decided to move on it's own to a new place and a new time.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, you are right. I look 10 pounds lighter today, my face has a glow again... I know it sounds stupid, but if anyone could have seen me on Friday... well, those who did said they were worried about my mental health. I was a frazzled mess... my hair was even frazzled... dry, frizzy, sticking out everywhere, my skin sallow, my eyes dead looking... today I look like a different person.<P><B>Lori,<P>Sorry I couldn't remember what anyone had said when we spoke earlier. Thank you for the warm wishes...and I'm so happy for your successes...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I always had hoped things would turn out differently for you and David, but, most of all, I have hoped that you would find that peace.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, me too...wish they would have turned out differently... but also, yes... we will find that peace. I believe it!!<P>Hello [b]Jo</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>As you know, I feel a lot like you do.<BR>I feel that we are heading for the divorce courts, however, the feelings that we still have for each other will ensure that we will always be there for each other. I don't know in what capacity, but there has been no hatred or terrible anger which always makes it easier.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh ya, I agree that it *should* make things easier for you and your H and me and my H. I am a little concerned because David seems to be waffling a bit today, but I think that deep inside he knows the truth of it. It's scary, nonetheless... but I agree with you that if we can part as friends it will be so much easier in the long run!<BR> <BR><B>peppermint</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It doesn't sound like you have had that committment from your husband.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh, I think he tried, in his own way, but it wasn't enough. And I worked my butt off, but maybe not in all the right ways. There was so much pain there, all the way around!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Since I first found this board over five months ago I cannot count the number of times I have read your posts and asked myself "How much more can she possibly stand of this?" You have been so strong and so brave for so long, but everyone has a limit.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you, but I have to say that I've had my share of huge lovebusting moments, trust me! And yes, I've hit my limit! But I bet, if David came here, he'd also say he's hit his!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...you are one of the few people here who will be totally honest with people when they need it. I really like that!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you... I don't think everyone *likes* that though! <P><B>Di</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You have tried so hard to make a go of it and that is what counts.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you, and yes, I do feel that I have given it my best shot!!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>THere is always a time to take a step back and really think and you did that. Now it is time to start over and make a new life for yourself.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh ya! This is my plan. I've gotten to the point where I am actually beginning to look forward to it too. Does that sound horrible?<P>Hey <B>trustntruth</B>,<P>Thank you for the hugs... and a big one back at ya!<BR> <BR><B>NoTrust</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I admire you for the efforts that you have made.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you... jeez... admiration... that's very nice to hear!<P>Thank you for the prayers and hugs, and I'm hugging you back!<P>Hi <B>InShock</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The path infidelity took in your life would appear to be a slow rolling, down hill slope.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wow! True!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't recall you being left with, or leaving small children on xmas day for instance. For whatever reason, the persons each of you became involved with did not "work out" and you both returned to the marriage.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh, not this year, no. But if you would have seen me during the first affairs, you'd have seen a very different person. Picture fat mama with three babies in a Pinto cruising past the OW's house... not pretty.<BR>But as far as now... his newest OW is STILL in the picture, just waiting for him. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Infidelity is like a pattern in the marriage. Each of you choose(chose)this route. David did it first, second and third. Finally you tried it, but I will blame David for setting the pace. I was totally shocked that David did this again just one month ago. It almost looks like you reach out to each other through infidelity? (or at least he does)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know. Now *that's* embarrassing!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In any case, and against MB teaching, infidelity is an incurable cancer to a marriage - in most cases.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It's probably obvious that I agree with you on this one!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Giving your trust and love to another will be hard.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, I am so afraid of this!!!!!!!<P>Peace be with you too!!<P>Hello <B>Bob</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>What you have gone through seems to have mirrored mine.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>And I'm truly sorry about that. It sucks!<P>Hey Desi,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I do have to say that I really believe that deep down you both are inolove with eachother.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>We love each other, but I don't think we are "in love"... those words that all betrayed hate to hear are sometimes true. Sad, but true.<P>Love you too, sweetie!<P>Oh <B>kathi</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I've replied to you only rarely, because it was obvious to me that had dealt with, and were now dealing with things that I could not begin to offer insight on.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You have no idea how much you help people, even when you think you don't! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But, I do want to say that from reading your story, I have come to admire all you have accomplished, and how strong you are. I know that you are not doing this in haste or anger, but after much soul-searching.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank for the kind words... and you are right that this has been a loooong time coming. I am very content with my decision today!<P><B>Dylan</B>, <P>(((((((((((((((Dylan))))))))))))))))<BR> <BR><B>Just Learning</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If these are final decisions I am truely sorry to hear it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know, JL, you'd hoped for better for us.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>And in doing so finally admitted to yourselves and each other how much you have hurt each other. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know... I know... and yes, 'tis true!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Being the eternal optimist that I am , I hope that this brings both of you peace and a clearer perspective on each other. I also hope that this clear perspective leads to the both of you seeing the good in each other. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know what, JL? People always used to marvel at what an optimist I was. I've grown cold and pessimistic over the last two years... but guess what? I see a glimmer of the woman I can be, and I am feeling pretty good about that, actually!<P><B>Lor (Lor)</B>,<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lor}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Thanks everyone - <whew!!><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited February 28, 2000).]